Starting to regret nursing

[carolineb]

The history is I ebf my older 2 until we introduced a bottle of formula at night only around 4-6 weeks. I didn't pump any and obviously felt the supply dip so I just gradually started topping off with a bottle, then replaced a nursing session with a bottle then another until one day around 4 months I just didn't offer to nurse and they never seemed bothered. I was never engorged either. They were (still are) finger suckers so they didn't do much comfort nursing. They sttn at 8-12 weeks, took two 2 hour naps each day until shortly after a year when they moved to one nap. Still at almost 5 & 7 they are great sleepers. Oh and I didn't co-sleep except occasionally.

Now, ds3 I have ebf and he's 9 months. I have co-slept and this has been the most exhausting 9 months. When he was a newborn I loved co-sleeping and felt it helped my supply and kept the baby blues away. But now I am starting to regret nursing and co-sleeping and not doing a bottle earlier.

I know there's no way to know that had we done the same thing that he would have slept any better but I guess I'm just starting to wonder because I did the same thing for my first 2 but something totally different for this one. He will only nap 30 minutes once or twice a day and it's incredibly difficult to get him to sleep. He's still up every few hours at night too.

I'm just so tired from his demands all day and such little sleep that I feel like should have done what we did before.

I did enjoy nursing him and still do to an extent but at the same time I'm not enjoying it anymore and feel ready to wean. But then I feel guilty because I know he would continue nursing. Why would he want to stop?

I just want to help my baby sleep because I desperately need sleep!

[nursemama23]

I think you have to do what feels right for you and your lo. I understand you want to keep nursing for baby but if it makes you resentful or regretful or feeling negative, baby is going to pick up on this. Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision. Good luck mama!

[FindingMercy]

I know it's hard while you are in the thick of it and exhausted, but it may help to re-research all the benefits of EBF. Lifelong health benefits for you LO from fewer allergies to higher IQ to lower rates of cancer and diabetes. It's easy when they are little to be so focused on sleep and thinking all kinds of things may or may not be affecting it to lose the long term view.

If co-sleeping isn't working anymore for you I would start there. Maybe some gentle sleep training if it helps you regain some sanity and a few more hours of sleep.

[Bukawww]

I did the same thing with all 3 of mine and their sleep schedules were on separate ends of the spectrum from each other. When my sleep suffered, I altered my own comfort zone and felt much better. That meant cosleeping with #3...I wish I had tried it with dd1 as I fully believe she'd be a completely kid today.

It probably has nothing to do with formula/breast. I had a bf baby that slept 12 straight hours at night AND took TWO 3 hr naps every day till she was 2...

[FindingMercy]

Originally Posted by Bukawww It probably has nothing to do with formula/breast. I had a bf baby that slept 12 straight hours at night AND took TWO 3 hr naps every day till she was 2...

where do I sign up for one of those? my DD2 is a much better sleeper than DD1 and I did the same things with both, but I've never had one pull that kind of nap schedule! You could get so much done!

[knodceo]

I ebf both of my kiddos, one is 8 months so I'm in the thick of it, and my first was terrible, not a sleeper and still isn't. My current is a great sleeper. It's been rough for a few days because of teeth but that's expected. I found that not co-sleeping and nursing to be incredibly hard and exhausting. I sleep through most of the feedings. Maybe they used me as a pacifier but when I weaned they were just fine.

I'd go with your gut.

[tibeca]

My two girls are fed and parented the same. My first woke every hour until she was 2. Then moved to every 2 hours. She now at 3 1/2 wakes at least twice a night.

My second wakes about every 4 hours and has done so since she was 6 months old.

My brother was up every hour until he was 4. He wasn't breastfed, not a single drop.

How you feed them doesn't matter. Where they sleep doesn't matter. Your child is an individual and every individual is unique. If cosleeping is working to get you more rest, then carry on. If you really believe that sleeping separately is the answer, then try it. If your baby is ready, then it will fix things. If not, well you'll now have to get up from bed to tend your crying baby. You can always revert back to cosleeping if it isn't working.

Don't blame breastfeeding.

[colin-mylilguy]

I agree with a lot of the pp... maybe this isn't what you want to hear, but babies are all so different and its probably just a bit of luck and happenstance that your first two were similar. Maybe, just maaaaybe, you are remembering things with rose colored glasses at the moment because you feel stressed. (We've all done it )

I really don't think your current situation has much, if anything at all, to do with breastfeeding and if you could freeze time, and do it different, I feel very confident that your baby would probably be the exact same, only you wouldn't have breastfeeding to help.

I know its easy to doubt yourself, but what you are doing really is a great thing and your LO would tell you how grateful he is, if he only could. Hang in there, mama!

FWIW, I think you'd be a little sad if you weaned on this sour note. And you'd be missing out on some good times ahead. My little guy is almost 13 months and today he came up to me, patted my breasts and laid his head on my chest. It was as if he was saying "thanks for nursing me, mommy" and then he toddled off.

He is also getting his molars in and is really hurting. He has been comfort nursing and its the only thing that helps him. I'd seriously be beside myself if I couldn't nurse him because nothing else helps... Breastfeeding is so beneficial in so many ways. Maybe you need to snuggle up with your baby and a bunch of encouraging info on breastfeeding benefits and it might give you the boost you need. And I also think that if you need to tweak your night-time routine, do! Its okay to change things as you and your baby's needs change.

GL mama.

[VeganCupcake]

I have said before that I think a baby who STTN is like a yeti--I've heard they exist, but I've never seen one. Maybe somehow you got two "yetis", and then your third baby is an actual normal human baby (ok, a little on the high-needs side--but those kids can be the most delightful as they grow up).

Dr. Sears says, "If you resent it, change it." So why not change something and see if it makes a difference.

You will never know what he would have been like had you done a nighttime bottle at 4 weeks. You can't go back and see, so there is no point in agonizing over the decision you made. Try to move past that and go forward--what's done is done, and cannot be undone.

[Bukawww]

Originally Posted by FindingMercy where do I sign up for one of those? my DD2 is a much better sleeper than DD1 and I did the same things with both, but I've never had one pull that kind of nap schedule! You could get so much done!

Right!!! I used to stand over her and BEG her to wake up so I could play with her! We even had some tests done to make sure something wasn't wrong. Let me tell you, she started that at 4 WEEKS old and never turned back. After my dd1 who literally never slept, I panicked so hard that first week. Made dh check on her every morning because I was CERTAIN I would be going in to a blue baby :/. That was the other thing...she didn't WANT to be in our room. She practically demanded a dark quiet room, door shut, put her to bed wide awake, don't bother me till I squeak at you in the morning. Weird kid. It was a dream after the sleep deprivation horrors with dd1. Dd2 is 6 now and we have experienced one downside to her genius ability to sleep and that is she still wets at night pretty consistantly. Honestly, I'm glad to take the trade