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Old 11-30-2013, 01:03 AM   #1
chamise
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How to keep from losing it?

Everyone I know says I need me time but of course I manage to never find the time to.

I work 40+ hours a week at a job I really don't like (but thankful I have a paycheck and benefits). I come home around 7pm spend about 1.5hrs with LO, give him a bath then put him to bed around 9pm. Sometimes I don't get to dinner until 9-10pm. Then I spend an hour watching tv with DH then go to bed earl because I know LO will wake me up around 7am again. So I get ok sleep at night.

I feel like all my time is at work, taking care of LO, catering to DH, or doing chores...

So I know many of you ladies have the same or worse schedule. My question is how do you keep from just losing it? How do you balance your life where you feel not always overwhelmed and unhappy.

I am wondering if it is the schedule or the fact that I don't enjoy my job. Or a combination?

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Old 11-30-2013, 06:11 AM   #2
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we all feel like that sometimes! How old is LO?
I WOH FT and so does DH, but we stagger our schedules so we each get more time with DD (3). However, this means we spend way less time with each other. This makes us appreciate family time even more... So maybe it's a good thing.
Do you have anything vaguely resembling family time in the mornings? Family breakfast? Don't discount that, if you are doing it.
How long is your commute? Any way to shorten it?
How much is DH pitching in? While you ate doing bath/bed please tell me he is washing dishes, doing laundry, etc?

Two things that REALLY help me:
- i wake up at the crack of dawn (4) and go to the gym. This is my ME time and it's very much necessary for me to avoid strangling anyone :-). Then I shower there, and get into work really early. Having a little bit more time in the evenings really makes a difference.
- i have to remind myself, constantly, that this is just a short season in life and that someday I will miss it. Sometime soon , we'll be too busy with scouts and soccer and etc for family dinner , or reading books. At some point the bedtime routine will no longer involve me. Etc.

You'll get through it and things will get better!
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Old 11-30-2013, 08:40 AM   #3
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My me time is often after DS is in bed going to the gym for a quick run (it closes at 10) or on my days off taking him to the gym to play for an hour while I work out. Yes, it means sacrificing some time with him, but I am a better mom/wife/employee when I'm not stressed all the time. I work fewer days, but longer hours (with commuting time my work days are often 14 hours). I try to focus on what I can control and increase the quality of my time with my family. Planning meals, packing lunches and bags the night before, laying out clothes...all these things make our life run more smoothly and help decrease my load. I tell Dh SPECIFIC tasks that I need done. Our lives are far from perfect and there are times when I feel like I'm failing in most aspects of my life, but mostly I feel like I'm doing the best I can with the reality of my life.
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Old 11-30-2013, 08:27 PM   #4
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Don't ask me, I lost it years ago....

Its hard. As the kids get older it FETs easier in some ways. I'm loving my 4 year old. My favorite age so far... she can play independently a bit and be reasoned with. The 2 year old and 8 month old get on my nerves more.

Having DHs support and help if huge. I know if I ask him to do X he'll do it. I work my butt off during the week so that 1 day on the weekend I don't HAVE to do anything! I stay on top of picking up, cleaning, running errands every other day. But I take one day, not even really "for myself", but just to not feel pressured to do anything, KWIM?
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Old 11-30-2013, 09:15 PM   #5
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Re: How to keep from losing it?

I haven't quite figured it out. Wish I had some advice. But wanted to say you definitely are not alone.
I would say at this point to cherish that small bit of one on one time with your hubby though!

I work 40+ hours a week and my husband is a dairy farmer, so this fall was working anywhere from 16-20 hours a day and he works 365 days a year. I use about an hour after DD is in bed to relax and have me time, but I get no time with my hubby really. Winter will be nice because he will be working almost a 'normal' schedule of 8-10 hours a day, but still 7 days a week.

I guess this would be my advice: don't push too hard to have everything straightened out and clean. Dishes can sit an extra day if it means you get to spend a little extra time snuggling your baby or fit in a nice soak in the tub by yourself.
Like one of the PP posters said, time flies by and someday soon your babies aren't babies and don't need you as much or at all. At that point you'd regret wasting the little years making sure everything was always clean.

Good luck mama. We'll all figure out how to juggle it to the best of our abilities hopefully.
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Old 12-02-2013, 11:50 PM   #6
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Yes please if anyone finds the magic answer please please share! Lol.

I am looking for a new job anyway. One with hours that aren't rigid and where I don't have mandatory overtime too often.

DH does help out. He has his set of chores and I have mine. Sometimes I just end up passing out and he ends up cleaning up after me.
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Old 12-03-2013, 05:50 PM   #7
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Each day I appreciate this forum more and more as I discover new parts. I work 60+ hrs /week with a 4 mo. old so I know the losing it feeling. I can't even remember the last time I really cooked. I have reached out to friend and family a ton for help , which has been very hard to do but it helps. I also made the decision to quit one of my jobs and go back to school for nursing so I can get a better job that pays more so I can work less hours. We will have to cut our budget in half for a couple years (no idea how we will do that) so I know that is not an option for everyone.
I am sure your feelings are a combo of work, not enough time and being too tired. It's hard to do, but if even for a couple days you can cut something out (TV, a chore) to have some extra rest, baby time or husband time, it would probably help a bit.
Your load is not easy. But it won't last forever.
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Old 12-06-2013, 09:05 PM   #8
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Re: How to keep from losing it?

This is a very tricky thing to accomplish and each person finds their own way of not losing it. Here's mine. I work 50+ hours a week with a 5 month old and a husband who works about the same amount as me. I love my job and I just can't see myself staying home. I pay an arm and a leg for someone to come to my house and watch our little rugrat mainly because we got lucky and I didn't want her in daycare before 1 years old. Starting when she was 2 months old we started her on a routine schedule that involved baths at 830 and sleep by 9. Once she's asleep I pour myself a glass of wine and unwind with the hubby. Dinners are a crapshoot between going out to eat, delivery, and cooking at home. We don't stress over it. Laundry is done on Sundays only and Saturdays are no clean days. Every 3 weeks or so, the tot stays over night at one of the grandparents so that we can have a night out. This is what has worked for us but trust me when I say that it took a lot of trial and error to get to this point. My biggest advice is to take some time off for yourself as well to recharge. You won't be able to be the best mom/wife/employee if you don't take care of you too.
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Old 12-07-2013, 10:15 PM   #9
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Re: How to keep from losing it?

Diaperswappers/Facebook for an hour at night keep me sane.

seriously, it is my "me" time. But I only get about 6 hours of sleep (if no one wakes up) and have just learned to function on that.

To keep me going, I try to always have a vacation booked to look forward to. I've got a cruise booked for spring break and one for fall break next year. It really REALLY helps me to know there is a vacation to look forward to. Carnival is so cheap that even with taking all 3 kids with us, it isn't too expensive, and they love the kids club, so DH and I get some couple time without the kids. They are fabulous with my special needs son on the smaller ship Fascination. It is in Jacksonville, so it isn't a horrible drive from Indianapolis.
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Old 12-10-2013, 09:22 AM   #10
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Re: How to keep from losing it?

some days are better than others. For me, joining the Y and getting a workout in a few times a week has made a huge difference.

My schedule looks like this:

5:00-5:30 wake up (5:30 if the baby doesnt' wake to eat before that)
6:00 leave for work
6:30-2:30 work
3:00--pick up baby from daycare
3:30--older kids get off the bus
4:00--leave for the Y (Tues, Wed, Thurs) & Friday (family swim time)
5:30--home from the Y
6:00--supper **
laundry, clean up kitchen, any other chores as needed
7:00--baths
7:30-8:00 stories and big kids in bed
8:00-9:00 get baby to bed
9:00--DH gets home sometime after 9pm, finishe cleaning up anything, watch a little TV
10:00-- go to bed
10:00-5:00am---baby is up at least twice if not more

**Wednesday night we have Awana from 6:45-8:00

DH is home on Mondays and sometimes Sundays.
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