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Old 01-13-2012, 07:43 AM   #1
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How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

I'm a horrible person - I'm not happy about this pregnancy. It was unplanned, it will force us into a great financial hardship, and I have no idea how to tell people.

I know it will all work out and I know I'll love this baby like I love my other two kids, but right now I'm just not sure what to even say to people.

We told my parents, who are obviously excited, and we told some friends at a get together a week ago, but I mentioned that it's really scary and the subject was prettymuch dropped.

There will come atime when I have to say something. Any ideas? Do I sugarcoat and move forward with my feelings? Or should I be open and honest?

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Old 01-13-2012, 08:40 AM   #2
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

Personally, I would sugarcoat it. What happens in 15 years if someone slips and says something like "Oh I remember when you were pregnant with soandso, you were so upset because you didn't want them" and your kid overheard it? It may not be true, but you can't control another person's tongue...

Maybe go to a therapist, priest, pastor, etc and talk to them about it? It's not something I'd air publicly though.
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:43 AM   #3
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

I hear ya.... I'm choosing to sugar coat it. Our families will NOT be happy, but our friends will if I'm able to announce it and us play excited.
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Old 01-13-2012, 08:59 AM   #4
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

We're pretty much in the same boat. Definitely were'nt expecting to have another one so soon. But we're choosing to be excited about it. Family thinks were nuts but our first is such a joy that we're focusing on that but still trying to plan wisely (like not buy tons of baby stuff this time around)

And I agree with linzbear, find someone to talk to about it. It can help so much. *hugs*
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Old 01-13-2012, 09:02 AM   #5
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

Yeah I am with ppl on the sugar coating. You will work through it, and love this baby, so why tell everyone otherwise? You would never want a chld to know that they weren't wanted, even if it was when they were only "baking". I speak from experience. I was unwanted/planned and it kinda hurts. I know my parents love me, but I will always know I was a mistake. I hope you can move forward with positive thoughts!
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Old 01-13-2012, 10:02 AM   #6
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

I would wait to announce until you are ok with it.
I like PP's suggestion of talking with someone so you can come to terms with things.

With our newest I was in total shock and went through a few weeks of being really upset about having another child.

Our situation is different in that we could technically afford another child BUT I (still) didn't know how I would cope with another newborn especially if this baby has SNs as well. When I got my BFP we were in the thick of having both DD (3 months old at the time) and DS #2 diagnosed with SN's. We had just sold our house and had 30 days to find somewhere to live - the search WAS NOT going well. AND we just started homeschooling. This baby will be 13 months younger then her sister and I was BFing and using BC - both failed.

We held off on telling even my parents until I had come to terms with things. (DH as always was if not ecstatic at least calm and happy about things.) But I needed time to adjust to my new reality.

It took a lot of soul searching. We announced when I could say with a straight face that we were expecting and it didn't make we want to cry. I am SO PROUD of myself to now be able to say that I am almost 100% fine. I still have doubt and fear - but I think I have those regular fears all parents have now - not the total panic and hours of tears. I am 24 weeks. It helps to know we are having a daughter (another son would have been fine too) but KNOWING who is in there and picturing her life in our family REALLY helps!

I hope you feel better soon - you are more then welcome to PM me if you want to chat with someone.
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Old 01-13-2012, 10:23 AM   #7
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We were in a similar situation with our last baby who was born this past dec. she was a surprise baby. We already had a 10 and 2 yr old. Although I didn't sugar coat it I didn't express any negative feelings. I told everyone it was a surprise, not accident, and we would do everything we can to figure it out. I believe in god and that everything happens for a reason and things always have a way of working themselves out. I really didn't care what anyone else had to say about it therefore I kept my uncertain feelings to myself. I didn't new anyone consigning on my lack of excitement on the pregnancy. I wasnt excited about the baby until i was about 8 months. And just like i know you will i love my baby so much it hurts. Good luck!! I'm sure everything will be fine.
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Old 01-13-2012, 10:30 AM   #8
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

I think in time you will get used to the idea, and be excited So sugar coat for now, but don't go overboard. I had a surprise pregnancy in 2009, and it was going to ruin a an amazing vacation that DH and I had planned, so I was pretty upset. Within a month or so I was actually getting excited about it, and planning for this little blessing. At 11 weeks I ended up miscarrying. Sure made me rethink my unhappy thoughts from the beginning of the pregnancy.
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Old 01-13-2012, 10:41 AM   #9
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

Thank you! I had not considered that others might remember my words and repeat them aloud when the child was older. That would be tragic. I don't want that.

I just keep thinking these horrible thoughts - like, maybe they'll be blood in my underwear THIS time. My hubby is just so excited. He obviously can either see through the hardship coming or he's not considered it yet.

It's not that I don't want another baby. The timing is just bad. And I had somewhat settled into the idea of being done having kids. Lots of contradictory feelings going on, I guess.
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Old 01-13-2012, 11:34 AM   #10
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

We are in the exact same boat, Mama. PM me if you want someone to chat with, I'm due in August as well.
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