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Old 01-13-2012, 12:27 PM   #11
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

I would also wait a while to announce it. We found out we were expecting our second right after I lost my job of 5 years, and it was really soon for my husband to be happy about it. I wanted another one eventually, but I wanted to wait another 6 months at least. So timing was not good, and it's still not, because I am having a hard time finding a job because of the pregnancy, and I have no idea how we are going to pay for anything.
That said, we waited until 4 months at least to start letting it slip (to friends, most family found out sooner), and some people that I know are just now finding out at 8 months! At this point it's easier to be excited because I'm feeling lots of kicks and we know the gender, etc. So I don't feel like I have to put on a happy face; I really am excited, even if I don't know how everything will work out. So my advice is to wait a bit longer.

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Old 01-13-2012, 12:41 PM   #12
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

That sounds exactly how I felt at the start of this one. It took me 5 tests to even believe I was pg again. We had come to terms with being done a few months before I got pg and I'd started to move on all the baby stuff we had been holding on to just in case. We held off telling most people for a long time. We had to come to terms with it first. Now we are happy he's coming but when ppl ask if we planned him we just say no but he's a wonderful surprise that we will love no matter what.
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Old 01-13-2012, 12:49 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by linzbear
Personally, I would sugarcoat it. What happens in 15 years if someone slips and says something like "Oh I remember when you were pregnant with soandso, you were so upset because you didn't want them" and your kid overheard it? It may not be true, but you can't control another person's tongue...

Maybe go to a therapist, priest, pastor, etc and talk to them about it? It's not something I'd air publicly though.
This exactly.
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Old 01-13-2012, 01:20 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by badmisterkitty
Thank you! I had not considered that others might remember my words and repeat them aloud when the child was older. That would be tragic. I don't want that.

I just keep thinking these horrible thoughts - like, maybe they'll be blood in my underwear THIS time. My hubby is just so excited. He obviously can either see through the hardship coming or he's not considered it yet.

It's not that I don't want another baby. The timing is just bad. And I had somewhat settled into the idea of being done having kids. Lots of contradictory feelings going on, I guess.
I can't say I understand, my husband and I have been battling infertility for the 5 years we've been trying. We have one beautiful toddler and I pray each and every day for another one. I know you feel overwhelmed, but remember this child is a true blessing.
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Old 01-13-2012, 01:22 PM   #15
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I can really, really relate! When I discovered that I was pg the second time, my DD was just under 2 years old and we were living in a friends basement. Not ideal at all. Telling friends and family was difficult and embarrassing
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Old 01-13-2012, 01:32 PM   #16
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

Quote:
Originally Posted by badmisterkitty View Post
Thank you! I had not considered that others might remember my words and repeat them aloud when the child was older. That would be tragic. I don't want that.

I just keep thinking these horrible thoughts - like, maybe they'll be blood in my underwear THIS time. My hubby is just so excited. He obviously can either see through the hardship coming or he's not considered it yet.

It's not that I don't want another baby. The timing is just bad. And I had somewhat settled into the idea of being done having kids. Lots of contradictory feelings going on, I guess.
I totally understand. And I hate my current pregnancy. I don't even have the gas money to go to the OB I want (far away), so I am not going anywhere right now. The timing is awful, but I am 41 and we were running out of time anyway. I tried telling DH that I wanted the baby but hated the pregnancy and he got all sad and said I was gonna send negative vibes to the baby.

Anyway, you are not alone. I agree with the PP who said she told people it was a surprise, not an accident. You don't have to say it was an unwelcome one .

And here is a story about my DH. He is the 4th and his dad was DONE having kids. His mom got pregnant about 8 yrs after his brother was born and his dad said he wasn't going to keep it, he fought with DHs mom about it all the time. It was so bad that his g-ma came from HI to FL for the birth and she was going to take him home and raise him in HI bc his dad was adamant about not having another. Well, as soon as he was born, his dad started sobbing and begged his MIL not to take the baby and he wanted him. My DH repeats this story to me. A. lot. He says it doesn't bother him and he knew he was loved (but kinda eventually, kwim?) and he is glad his dad was honest with him, but I think that was a bit *too* candid, imho.
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Old 01-13-2012, 01:40 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Mom2evie

I can't say I understand, my husband and I have been battling infertility for the 5 years we've been trying. We have one beautiful toddler and I pray each and every day for another one. I know you feel overwhelmed, but remember this child is a true blessing.
Saying this does nothing to help but probably makes her feel terrible for the way she feels. And she shouldn't. OPs feelings are entirely legit.

OP, I suggest waiting to announce until you're ok, also. And it maybe that doesn't happen until after the baby comes!

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Old 01-13-2012, 03:35 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Sarawithouth

Saying this does nothing to help but probably makes her feel terrible for the way she feels. And she shouldn't. OPs feelings are entirely legit.

OP, I suggest waiting to announce until you're ok, also. And it maybe that doesn't happen until after the baby comes!

Sent from my bed or on the move.
I wasn't trying to be hateful in any way.
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Old 01-13-2012, 03:53 PM   #19
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

Who says you need to announce or tell people?

We kicked around the idea of a third baby but had finally decided that logistically, two was plenty. I'm a planner and had already started rearranging the budget based on two kids instead of three and thinking of all the things we could do with the money we wouldn't be spending on a bigger car, hospital delivery co-pay, etc. and finally focusing on losing the last of my baby weight.

We found out about this babe the morning of my husband's vasectomy. DH was thrilled, claimed he did it on purpose, thought it was funnier than all heck.

I refused to tell anyone until after the first trimester. Even my mom, who had already guessed and kept asking me about it. I didn't do an official FaceBook announcement until after 20 weeks and only then because someone who knew mentioned it on one of my pictures and people started asking me about it. Plus everyone knew about the vasectomy so having to explain how I was pregnant was NOT fun. And your third child, you get all kinds of awesome comments like "again?" or "didn't you just have a baby?" or "you know what causes that, right?" or "it was an accident, right?"

You don't HAVE to tell people until you're ready. It's a really hard thing to talk about when you haven't made peace with it yourself first. Though, if you're really hoping for a miscarriage, you should talk to someone about that. That's not healthy for you or the baby.

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Old 01-14-2012, 07:12 PM   #20
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Ours was an extremely complicated situation... We were good friends who dated briefly, and by the time we knew I was pregnant he was engaged (and I was happy for him)...

We were really honest about how we felt, with people who were close to us (embarrassed, worried, stressed, but confident we could make it work for LO).... and told people as it was relevant. Worked for us.
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