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Old 01-14-2012, 10:25 PM   #21
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

Do something clever and let them know that way. Even though we are all over the moon and were TTC with this babe, I still made a video on a site, of all the kiddos from their u/s pics until now, then added the pg test pics and added the date new babe is coming, all to a wonderful song. I emailed it to DH, after I told him, and he cried. He wants to send it to his Parents, but until I get a scan done, I am making him wait, LOL. But it is a way to get it out there, and NOT have to show or reveal any emotion. Congrats Mama!

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Old 01-15-2012, 09:22 AM   #22
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

*wave* I'm here with you! We fond out we were pregnant while on BCPs, had just moved because of my dad's alcoholism, and are already in some financial hardships BUT being that I am a religious person my theory was apparently God wanted us to have another baby - why else would this have happened.

So when I announced my pregnancy I made sure to say that it was an unplanned blessing from God... and that everything happens for a reason.

So basically sugar coating it - by the time we found out (9 weeks along!) and announced our pregnancy (12 weeks along!) I had time to deal with the shock and could sugar coat it easier - it didn't sound or feel forced... I had convinced myself that this baby is a blessing and it was pretty easy to announce it that way.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:35 PM   #23
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

OP, just tell people when you are darn well ready. I wouldn't go into the full extent of it, either - "sugarcoat it" as pp's have said, just with the child's feelings in mind. Sometimes people let things slip, ya know?

Hang in there! I had 2 very unexpected pregnancies at very bad times so I know how you are feeling right now.

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I think in time you will get used to the idea, and be excited So sugar coat for now, but don't go overboard. I had a surprise pregnancy in 2009, and it was going to ruin a an amazing vacation that DH and I had planned, so I was pretty upset. Within a month or so I was actually getting excited about it, and planning for this little blessing. At 11 weeks I ended up miscarrying. Sure made me rethink my unhappy thoughts from the beginning of the pregnancy.
I went through a very similar experience in October last year.
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Old 01-16-2012, 08:17 AM   #24
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

Right there with ya! This pregnacy was also a "surprise". We had sold everything maternity and newborn because my husband wasn't having any more children. Well, here we are making plans for a new one to join us in September. I'm now getting excited and we're definitely going to sugar coat it. My hubby's taking a little longer to come around. I'm trying to not let our negative emotions impact the pregnancy. Definitely agree with talking to someone because you do not want those negative feelings to be locked up inside. Good luck!!
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Old 01-16-2012, 09:56 AM   #25
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

Thanks again for all the support. It's nice to hear I'm not alone.

A couple of things I should probably clarify - I do NOT wish this baby dead. I'm not trying to cause miscarriage in myself. I just think the first emotion I would feel if it happened would be relief, probably followed by grief.

Secondly, I'm so, so sorry if I offended anyone experiencing infertility. That was never my intention and of course I will love all of the children I am given. I would respectfully request that infertility not be brought up again, though.

I have been trying to put the unhappiness out of my head. it's hard to not think about it when I'm sick 24/7. I find myself constantly beating myself up for this, though. I was the one who wasn't paying close enough attention to my body, I was the one who couldn't keep my hands to myself.

I don't feel like there's enough of me to go around to 2 kids, much less 3. I feel so bad for our daughter that's goign to be a middle child and hope she doesn't live up to the stereotypes. Now we're going to need to go on assistance and I'm so ashamed of that. I went to college, for cripes sake. I'm going to lose my mind staying at home. I'm not a good enough parent for that, despite wishing all the time we could have afforded that for our older kids. I can't bear to put the 3rd child in daycare either.

The only consolation I have found is that this is temporary until our oldest goes to school (about a year). But if I quit my job that I love, then what? Is there anything out there I could love more? It's just so uncertain.

I had been looking forward to the glory days where we could start saving money and really provide some experiences for our 2 daughters. Now all that's on hold. Our oldest, despite going to daycare every day, isn't socialized well. I had hoped to have money for swimming lessons or gymnastics or something for her to do independently, but now all that's on hold and I'm going to send her to kindergarten in 18-ish months terrified out of her mind. I'm just sickened with my carelessness that got us into this predicament.

there. I bared it all. I just need to get it out and talk about it.
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Old 01-16-2012, 10:14 AM   #26
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?



No advice, but I just wanted to say that I know many people who don't announce a pregnancy until they know the gender of the baby. Don't feel rushed, and please, speak to a counselor or someone you trust. Your feelings are valid.
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Old 01-16-2012, 06:54 PM   #27
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My now husband and I had only known each other 5 weeks when we found out we were pregnant. I was totally embarrassed and didn't tell anyone except for family and a very very few close friends until we found out the gender and I posted on facebook that I was gonna have a boy. By that time I knew I loved my now husband and it made it harder to really tell how short of a time we had been together when it happened.

As in all things will life I believe if you focus on the positive then positive will happen. Maybe try to think about how much fun your daughters will have with a new baby sibling, or how they will have a new friend?

And don't feel bad if you would rather have a job outside the home then staying home with the kids. That does not make you a bad mother. If you do end up staying home for financial reasons try to figure out what you like about working outside the home and somehow incorporate that into your life.
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Old 01-18-2012, 07:59 AM   #28
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

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Who says you need to announce or tell people?

This exactly! This is something that you need to feel okay about in your own time so don't feel pressured to run out and share it with everyone right away. Take some time to process how you're feeling, talk with someone if you need to, and most of all, know that it's okay to have these feelings.

We are expecting #5 in June aren't really announcing it to anyone, well I'm not at least. DH is just tickled and is telling everyone. If someone asks me I'll fess up but I'm not making a FB announcement or shouting it to the world. I had SO many people make rude comments to me when I was pg with #4 about how that is sooo many kids and "you're done now, right?" I decided I don't want to listen to anyones crap so I'm not telling them. When I announce after delivery I don't think they'll have enough nerve to say those things.

ETA: You are clearly under a lot of stress and with the major hormonal shift your also dealing with, it sounds like what you are experiencing is not much different than PPD. PPD is widely known to women to feel and think things that seem outragous and they wouldn't normally. It doesn't make them bad mothers or people, it doesn't mean they can't go on to raise wonderful kids and be incredible parents. It just means they are really struggling and need some help. Even if you did have thoughts of miscarraige that doesn't make you a bad person, it tells me you need some support right now to process through everything you feeling.
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Old 01-18-2012, 05:23 PM   #29
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

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Personally, I would sugarcoat it. What happens in 15 years if someone slips and says something like "Oh I remember when you were pregnant with soandso, you were so upset because you didn't want them" and your kid overheard it? It may not be true, but you can't control another person's tongue...

Maybe go to a therapist, priest, pastor, etc and talk to them about it? It's not something I'd air publicly though.
I think you could word it in a manner that it might not be offensive. Something to the extent that ~wow being pregnant came as such a surprise this time. ( no need to offer why it was a surprise) And with this surprise came an overwhelming shock that is still being worked through. Then end with something like I know there is a reason for this baby and that I will love and adore it as I do all of my children but wow this pg came as such a big surprise. Then either change the topics by saying you are just so shocked and need to talk about something else for a while or even just bring up the weather.
Also I don't think you need a formal announcement.
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Old 01-19-2012, 08:51 AM   #30
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Re: How To Announce Pregnancy When You Aren't Happy About It?

Thank you again to everyone. All your words are so encouraging. I have recieved a few private PM's with such kind words. This is all really good for the soul. A few of these posts and the PM's I have recieved have brought me to tears. I am so grateful for the kindness of strangers.

I had my first OB appt, which made everything a little "realer." I think it was helpful to go through that and to have an ultrasound. To see it, talk about it, and to know that everything looks great.

And, how dumb is this? I found a side by side double stroller on craigslist that I've been wanting so badly, even for my 2 current kids but could never justify it, and I bought it and it made me so happy. A small part of me wants to go through all of my rummage sale totes and pull out what needs to come back out, so I consider those all positive signs.

I also think I've narrowed down the bulk of my worry (outside of finances). I have to tell my boss. It's just us 2 in our dept. She shouldered an enormous burden in my first mat leave, then not quite so much in the 2nd, but still more than her usual workload which is already full. But it's left a bitter taste in her mouth. She feigns happiness, but then the passive aggressive comments start coming out, she gets overly stressed and she sometimes says rude things, and I ultimately feel so guilty because of the burden I'm causing her. I love my boss to death like 98% of the time, but then I have to cross this bridge and tell her and our whole relationship will change. She's going to want to know right away what my plan is, she's going to panic about mat leave or about replacing me. It's going to be a huge deal. I don't have an answer today and probably won't until summertime.
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