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Old 01-23-2012, 04:58 PM   #1
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Did your first child get depressed when second was born?

Hey mama's,

So I did try to google this first but not sure how to word it to get results.. just kept getting pages on postpartum depression.. not what I was looking for at all!

On to my question..
My son has been very excited the entire pregnancy, I mean really really excited! When baby was born, he was still excited.. and even now seems fine with the new baby. Help me out A LOT! But HE does not seem OK. DS1(3 years old) is not acting up or anything, it's kinda the opposite.. he seems SO depressed. It just seems he has gotten MY SHARE of postpartum depression.. And even to the point last night I was crying holding him last night because I feel bad.. guilty even(I'm not getting PPD though, I just feel really really bad!). And then I can't stop thinking it's not right I feel guilty having a second, but yet I love love love ds1 and can't stand seeing him this way at all. I never want my child to feel like that. I am trying to spend one on one time with him when baby naps.. today we colored.. played cars.. and then played playdough for a bit.. I just don't feel it is enough, he seems so down It's hard too, I have regular household things to still do.. It's an adjustment for sure, it does not feel hard physically, but then emotional IT IS!
Is that what kids do, either act out OR get depressed? If so, for those that have experienced, how long does it last? It is REALLY breaking my heart to see him down like this, SO not him.. he is always sooooo happy.. (see making me cry again!!!! ) I just want my baby(ds1) to feel better.. Again I know he is over the moon for his brother.. but he is still feeling down/depressed over just all the change I think.

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Old 01-23-2012, 05:15 PM   #2
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Re: Did your first child get depressed when second was born?

Thank you for asking this question... I havebno idea what the answer is but DS 1 seems this way too...And my feelings of guilt are terrifying me... I have felt thisnway for almost 4 weeks now and I am starting to feel like it is PP depression starting to get to me...I can't wait to see other mamas respond to your question.
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:22 PM   #3
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Re: Did your first child get depressed when second was born?

I was shown this poem...


Quote:
Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him—as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you — as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you—only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
I love you—-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. —Author Unknown
It really was heart warming(kind in a bittersweet way though) I am not happy to see my son like this, but I am so glad to see that I am not the only one.. and that this is completely normal.
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Old 01-23-2012, 05:44 PM   #4
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Re: Did your first child get depressed when second was born?

that a awesome poem!

I dont remb dd being really depressed but she was 17 months so still pretty young. Im having a lot of issues with my almost 3 year old now though. He home with me all day bc the other two are at school so it has always been about him and now he having to share that time. For him he is acting out
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Old 01-23-2012, 06:34 PM   #5
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Re: Did your first child get depressed when second was born?

he got sick, so was pretty rundown. Could he be a bit tired? The winter blues? A growth spurt? Mine get pretty mellow and sleep a lot for growth spurts.
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Old 01-23-2012, 06:42 PM   #6
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Re: Did your first child get depressed when second was born?

My ds was 2 when I had dd and he was still very excited after she came, we made sure to point out how he was the big brother and included him in bathing, changing and playing with the baby. He got to help with everything which helped him feel very important.
When we had our third baby, he was 5 and dd was 3, she didn't really care for her baby brother but was interested in helping with him sometimes.
My kids didn't go through a sadness that I noticed, I hope they all do well once this baby comes, as they are older, 9, almost 7 and 4 and they are excited for the baby to come, let's see how it goes once she is here and interrupting their sleep on school nights.
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Old 01-23-2012, 06:48 PM   #7
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Re: Did your first child get depressed when second was born?

my dd1 gets like this, because she's the oldest and doesn't "need" as much one on one. sometimes i forget to stop and give her a hug or do something special for her. i make a point of getting out with just her- she's the one i take on errands that the little one would have a hard time with, we go on "dates" together. i know that stuff is hard to do with a nb around, but once the babe is a little bigger and easier to leave with dh, it's something to keep in mind! dd1 was very quiet when dd2 was born, too, and kind of down. i think it's normal, esp because the baby was just born such a short time ago. it sounds like you're doing everything right! i'm worried about dd2, but i'm trying to keep in mind my experience with dd1 when she was born, and know that it will be ok in the end. i also feel like getting a new sibling is kind of a valuable learning experience, although it's so hard when they're little and don't understand .
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Old 01-23-2012, 08:11 PM   #8
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I too worry about this as my son will be 25 mo when #2 is born.
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