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Old 01-28-2012, 10:06 AM   #1
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S/O circing - anyone circ older boys and then NOT circ younger ones? or visa versa

I just got my BFP a few days ago and I'm already thinking about this. We're not finding out the gender until birth, so I've got a LONG time to think on this. I did not circ my oldest son - we were 16 and 18 and honestly had never even heard of NOT circing. Where we lived, it was just normal and I thought nothing of it.

When I was pregnant with DD (she was a gender surprise also), DH and I had the talk and he really wanted the baby circed if boy. My DS1 was and he didn't have any issues from it, so I agreed. She was a girl though, so it was a moot point.

Then we found out DS2 was a boy and I researched the circ thing a little more since we'd discussed it already when I was pregnant with DD. I did go through a little debate with DH on why I thought we should probably NOT do it, but in the end I caved and figured it was cleaner to circ and we did.

Now I'm pregnant and it'll be another gender surprise. I'm honestly hoping for a girl to even us out 2 boys/2 girls since it's our last. But I'm also wanting a girl so I don't have to make this decision again.

I'm torn. I know all of the reasons against it. But somehow I feel like if I decide to leave a boy intact this go around, I'll be admitting to doing something wrong with my other boys. If that even makes sense. I did the research for DS2 and we still chose to circ him and we feel good about that decision, honestly. So wouldn't it be hypocritical of us to then NOT circ our last if it's a boy?

No flames, just honest advice. I don't need more facts on pro/cons. And please don't make me feel like a jerk over this. I'm being open and honest about my reservations and just want to know if others went through this same internal debate and what you decided. Right now, I have NO idea what we'll do if this is a boy.

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Old 01-28-2012, 10:34 AM   #2
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Re: S/O circing - anyone circ older boys and then NOT circ younger ones? or visa vers

My first is and my second isn't. I guess how I feel about it is that it doesn't make sense to me to have that done to another boy when I know what I do now. It is like what if your first boy has blue eyes and your second has green, are you going to make the second one wear contacts just so they match? And that is something everyone can notice, no one is going to be checkout what their penis looks like ( talking about general public)

It may come up that they look different. I will just say that they are both loved incredibly much and we did the best we could with what we knew. I can admit a mistake when I make one, and it pains me that my DS1 suffered for it. But I didn't have to continue that with DS2.

I do want to say it was hard for DH. I guess it was like saying something was wrong with HIM when I said I didn't want future boys circed. Which is not the case at all.

( sorry naking while running after the big kids, sorry if it doesn't make sense)
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Old 01-28-2012, 10:50 AM   #3
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Re: S/O circing - anyone circ older boys and then NOT circ younger ones? or visa vers

Yeah I'm not really worried about DS2 and newbie growing up and comparing their parts to each other and wondering. It's a simple "everyone's privates look different" discussion that's true. They won't look like DH's because he's an adult. Not all vaginas look the same either. I don't see that part of it being a real discussion or concern. I personally prefer the look of a circ'd penis, but I'm not taking that into consideration because it's so superficial and doesn't matter.

I did research it for DS2 and we still chose to circ him. We feel ok about it. But something is just nagging at me that we should NOT circ if we have another boy and I'm having a hard time figuring out what that means. I was informed before and at peace with the decision...so it's got me baffled.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking for. Maybe just talking it out to help me is all.

Thanks for your insight and experience!
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Old 01-28-2012, 11:33 AM   #4
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Re: S/O circing - anyone circ older boys and then NOT circ younger ones? or visa vers

We are leaving our second son intact.

With this decision, I knowingly admitted I did something wrong to DS1. It was out of ignorance. I thought I was doing what was best. I am not a bad person, but I did make a wrong choice. I make mistakes all the time, and will continue to. I am not perfect. I'm human. I make mistakes. When I know better, I do better. One day I will have to explain the mistake we made to DS1.

I do not expect DS1 to have any questions about DS2's penis. I really doubt he'll even notice. I will not hide the fact that they will be different. If/when the question comes up, I'll be completely honest with DS1. We will tell him that mommy and daddy did what we were recommended to do by doctors, but by the time we had DS2 we had learned better. We will apologize for doing it to him and when he's old enough we will present him with the idea of restoration if he wants. And the education will continue age appropriately as he grows up. Circumcision will not be a taboo subject in our family.
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Old 01-28-2012, 11:40 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainfall
I did go through a little debate with DH on why I thought we should probably NOT do it, but in the end I caved and figured it was cleaner to circ and we did.
.
Maybe your own words can shine a light on your doubt. Sounds like you were against circing for #2, but your DH convinced you otherwise.

I can tell you as the mum of an uncirced boy that keeping it clean has never been as issue. I'd say it's probably easier than a circed penis as you're not caring for an open wound and exposed urethra. That's what a foreskin is for!

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Old 01-28-2012, 11:47 AM   #6
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We circ'd our last 2 even though I knew it wasn't for medical reason. I didn't research it with my first 2, they just asked that I come back when they were 2wks old to do it since they were still tiny (5 & 6lb) and I did. I didn't even know the difference and although I'd had sex, I never really "inspected" them or had a lot of experience in that dept, I was only 16. With my next I was with dh and we just did it because we thought that's what you do. I didn't even know people didn't do it until I was pregnant with #5 but dh was pretty insistent and I feel he has a choice in the matter as well. I would have easily chosen not to this last time but I'm glad we did. I don't know how accurate it is, but our Ped said chances were likely that he'd need one in the future because of something he found when doing the circ. I didn't really believe what he said and know the medicalized side of things. I understand both sides of this but chose to circ anyway. We talked to our older boys about it because they're all old enough to see and ask and our 14yr old thanked us.
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Old 01-28-2012, 11:51 AM   #7
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Re: S/O circing - anyone circ older boys and then NOT circ younger ones? or visa vers

I know quite a few people whose later children are intact
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Old 01-28-2012, 01:30 PM   #8
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Re: S/O circing - anyone circ older boys and then NOT circ younger ones? or visa vers

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainfall View Post


I'm torn. I know all of the reasons against it. But somehow I feel like if I decide to leave a boy intact this go around, I'll be admitting to doing something wrong with my other boys. If that even makes sense. .
when you know better, you do better. It makes more sense to admit you changed your mind, made a mistake, got more education, etc, than to "punish" a future DS by circing if your only reason for circing him would be so you wouldn't have to "admit you made a mistake" with your others. Does that make sense?

One of my friends who adopted her DD and chose not to do adoptive breastfeeding once told me if she got pregnant and had a baby, she didn't know if she would breastfeed only bc she didn't want her DD to be upset that she was doing something good for her sibling that she didn't get herself. Made no sense to me.

For the record, I circed my 1st 2 boys (18 and 17 yrs ago) and didn't circ the next 3. Had pit and an epi with the 1st, all natural and some homebirths with the others, vaxed the 1st for 2 yrs, the 2nd for a yr and the next 3 not at all. Parenting is a journey and we need to be able to admit to our children that we make mistakes and they need to see us learn from our mistakes. I talked to the older 2 about my regret with circing them and asked for their forgiveness. I have done that with other things I have messed up on as a parent. Even after 18 yrs and 5 kids, I am still learning and adapting my parenting style as I go along.
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Old 01-28-2012, 01:43 PM   #9
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Re: S/O circing - anyone circ older boys and then NOT circ younger ones? or visa vers

My first DS is circ'd, I regret it every *single* day.

My second DS is intact. I don't regret that one a bit.

ETA - for me it isn't medical, it's human rights. I took something from my older son that I can never give back, and I altered his sex life. That was not my choice to make, and knowing what I do now, from doing good, thorough research (not just google) I cannot in good faith make the same choice again.
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Old 01-28-2012, 03:13 PM   #10
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Re: S/O circing - anyone circ older boys and then NOT circ younger ones? or visa vers

My older two sons are circ'd. If this child is a boy, he won't be. I was young and didn't know what I know now. It has been almost 10 years.
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