not circing when you have a REALLY mainstream DH?

[NorahsMom]

Originally Posted by KatrinaLoves I only read the first page of responses here on my phone, but here's my opinion: I think circumcision isn't a good idea. DH knows I think it's unnecessary and purely cosmetic, but as of right now he's still pro-circ. He is fairly crunchy with baby-related things, and had been very supportive of BFing, baby wearing, CDing, etc. He's given me the courtesy of making almost all major parenting decisions, and has been supportive. I'm grateful and aware of this. I believe he'll come around and decide to pass on circing. However, as it's not something we discussed and agreed on prior to marriage, I feel like it's not fair for me to give him an ultimatum any more than it would if he gave one to me. The best thing I can give my son is happily married parents who are on the same page, and who support each other. To me, that's giving him more than foreskin can. While we're still in the pre-decision discussion stage, I'll continue to calmly and lovingly give him information, but I refrain from being combative and will ultimately be leaving the final decision to DH. It's not worth my marriage's happiness during my child's first days of life.

Even though circumcision was a heated discussion in our home, it never would have come to costing us our marital happiness. I think that if something like this can break up a couple or make them miserable, there must be other problems. Either that, or people are waaaay too rigid (and this is coming from a pretty rigid person).

I don't like the idea of leaving this decision up to husbands just because they have penises. It isn't about HIS penis. I think that if there is a complete impasse, the more informed parent should make the decision. The reason my dh defers to me on most things related to parenting is that he knows I'm spending hours and hours learning about the options before I make decisions and he isn't doing that at all. He spends his days researching and writing about foreign policy, not kid stuff. He respects the time and effort I invest in informing myself and honors it by giving my opinions their fair weight.

That said, once I give him all the information I've gathered, we usually are on the same page. I would say circumcision was definitely the longest disagreement we've ever had about parenting. But it's over and we're both very happy with the decision to leave our son intact.

[Computermama]

I think a lot of parents worry too much over this. Seriously. Can you say for 100% certain that your area isn't going to change over the next few years or that you might not move somewhere more progressive before the child is old enough for the locker room issue to even be an issue? For that matter, what if your kid's not into sports? Makes this whole "well, they'll be teased in the locker room" issue kinda moot.

And I think the issue can be resolved with something very simple.

Guy 1: Dude, why does your junk look like that?

Guy 2: Dude, why are you staring at my junk??

[burnsis]

Originally Posted by Computermama I think a lot of parents worry too much over this. Seriously. Can you say for 100% certain that your area isn't going to change over the next few years or that you might not move somewhere more progressive before the child is old enough for the locker room issue to even be an issue? For that matter, what if your kid's not into sports? Makes this whole "well, they'll be teased in the locker room" issue kinda moot. And I think the issue can be resolved with something very simple. Guy 1: Dude, why does your junk look like that? Guy 2: Dude, why are you staring at my junk??

[songbird516]

My husband is very mainstream about most things, but we didn't argue about circing at all. It was pretty simple-
me- "so how do you feel about not circumcising?"
him- "is there any medical reason to do it?"
me- "no, not really"
him- " well why would we do it? Just because someone did it to me doesn't mean that I need to do it to my son".
I don't understand why some men would be so attached to the idea that it would strain a marriage. It's not THEIR body. Do guys care that much about other people's penises?

[wordmama]

Originally Posted by Computermama Guy 1: Dude, why does your junk look like that? Guy 2: Dude, why are you staring at my junk??

love it!

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

[MyCrazy8]

What sealed the deal for my DH was the fact that it wasn't covered by insurance; you'd have to pay out of pocket for it. Even if it was, it wouldn't have happened anyway. It's not our penis to decide to have cut, it's my son's. It's HIS decision. End of story.

[crunch!910]

DH point this out to me (especially because both our sons at age appropriate times will be taught about the negatives of circumcision) and said even if another teen boy made fun of our intact son in the locker room it'd go more like this

Other boy: "Dude, why does your junk look like that? That's gross."
Ours: "Dude, its called the natural penis that is fully equipped with all its sensory functions that will mean better sex. You're the one that is missing the most pleasureable part of your penis, who's laughing now?"

DH's little scenario made me laugh out loud and realized our intact son, if ever made fun of in the locker room - albeit highly unlikely - will have an AWESOME comeback!

[amyd78]

Originally Posted by KatrinaLoves I only read the first page of responses here on my phone, but here's my opinion: I think circumcision isn't a good idea. DH knows I think it's unnecessary and purely cosmetic, but as of right now he's still pro-circ. He is fairly crunchy with baby-related things, and had been very supportive of BFing, baby wearing, CDing, etc. He's given me the courtesy of making almost all major parenting decisions, and has been supportive. I'm grateful and aware of this. I believe he'll come around and decide to pass on circing. However, as it's not something we discussed and agreed on prior to marriage, I feel like it's not fair for me to give him an ultimatum any more than it would if he gave one to me. The best thing I can give my son is happily married parents who are on the same page, and who support each other. To me, that's giving him more than foreskin can. While we're still in the pre-decision discussion stage, I'll continue to calmly and lovingly give him information, but I refrain from being combative and will ultimately be leaving the final decision to DH. It's not worth my marriage's happiness during my child's first days of life.

Well said!! My dh and I had the discussion. He thought we would because "it's just what you do." I told him not so much anymore and there's really no medical reason. He talked to a guy he works with who has 3 boys and they've all had some type of problem with thier circ. The guys wife works hospice and he did say as men get much older hygiene is a problem, but I'd suspect that's the case whether they are or not. He finally just told me to research it and whatever I decided was fine. We don't know what we're having yet, but if it's a boy, we're NOT!

[KatrinaLoves]

Originally Posted by NorahsMom Even though circumcision was a heated discussion in our home, it never would have come to costing us our marital happiness. I think that if something like this can break up a couple or make them miserable, there must be other problems. Either that, or people are waaaay too rigid (and this is coming from a pretty rigid person). I don't like the idea of leaving this decision up to husbands just because they have penises. It isn't about HIS penis. I think that if there is a complete impasse, the more informed parent should make the decision. The reason my dh defers to me on most things related to parenting is that he knows I'm spending hours and hours learning about the options before I make decisions and he isn't doing that at all. He spends his days researching and writing about foreign policy, not kid stuff. He respects the time and effort I invest in informing myself and honors it by giving my opinions their fair weight. That said, once I give him all the information I've gathered, we usually are on the same page. I would say circumcision was definitely the longest disagreement we've ever had about parenting. But it's over and we're both very happy with the decision to leave our son intact.

Never said it would ruin our marriage or break us up. Definitely far from that. But it definitely would sour things for a while and potentially be a sore subject for a long time.
Like I said, my DH has been VERY supportive and flexible with decisions *I* have made, so of he's resistant on circing then it must be fairly significant for him and wouldn't be something that would simply be let go without at least a fair amount of uncomfortableness near delivery.
I'm not planning to leave the decision up to him because he has a penis, but instead am respectfully making my opinion clear and then honoring my husband's opinion and, from a Christian perspective, submitting.
He's a compromising and respectful man who has accepted a lot of my quirky parenting preferences. I'm grateful for him, and so I'll do almost everything I can to prevent my sons from being circumcised... But I don't feel comfortable disrespecting my husband.

[love2bmommy]

We just dealt with this. My DS is circ'd because I didn't know any better. Since then, we've had several discussions about it and DH knows I really regret getting DS circ'd. Also, DH has a friend who is VERY anti-circ and they've had several discussions about it too. I knew he was at least open to the idea of not circ'ing, so when we found out that we're having another boy, I decided to tread very lightly instead of "laying down the law" (even though that's what I felt like doing). I just asked him what he thought about it and he said the only reason he can see for circ'ing is so that DS and this baby will look the same. I said I didn't feel like that was a good enough reason (given all the info we'd learned after that) and brought up the fact that we had fully immunized DD because we didn't know any better. Once we knew better, it didn't even cross our minds to immunize DS just because DD was. I was fully prepared to fight to have this baby not circ'd (not to the point of threatening our marriage, but we definitely would have had many many more discussions about it), but thankfully it didn't come to that and DH agreed not to circ this baby!!