How long did it take you to truly bond?

[newmommy13]

^^^yes! wearing my dd constantly and cosleeping really cemented our bond i think. I know cosleeping is probably out but babywearing is amazing. Amelia didnt love it at first but did eventually and it turned out to be one of my favorite parts of parenting!

[luvbeingmomma]

I loved my fd and was attached by day 3. I tried not to get too attached but that didnt last long and I realized she deserved me to love her like my own.

[KCMommy]

I actually tried baby wearing with the baby we're fostering but it didn't work out. He's a rather LARGE baby (as the case workers said jokingly...'at least they didn't starve him') and I'm 7 months pregnant. The combined weight was too much for me. Obviously I hold him and carry him....but I can't for long distances or long periods of time.

[sunnymommy]

Originally Posted by KCMommy Thanks sunnymommy! We don't yet know if they are staying. And I think that makes it worse. I can relate to everything you said.

Totally makes sense then. Imo sooo much of it is mental ~ how you think about things / the child. When you get an infant as an adoptive placement (or any age I guess), you think "my child". When you are fostering to reunify, you think "so and so's child". You can love and attach same as you can for your sister's child, or your best friend's child, but you don't think of your niece or bf's kids as "my child". Your care/love/attention/treatment/hopes/dreams etc could be the same as for your own children, but how you think about them is different. So the bond/attachment is not exactly the same. If you don't know whether they will stay or go, then they are not your children; they are "so and so's children" (they already have somebody called 'mommy" and somebody called "daddy" even if their experience of those terms leaves something to be desired) until that time (maybe) when they become yours. And then how you think about them changes to "my child" and the bonding/attachment becomes that as well. Foster parent is not really a relationship that is familiar to most people in our society. This makes it extra difficult as we sometimes don't even know how to think about ourselves! As I said, I am hoping to do better next time because it can be so hard.

[WynneBabies]

Mine was different since she was 3 days old right from the hospital. It was a little strange at first and she was going through withdrawal the first month or so, so difficult baby. I bonded more and more with her as time went on though, but it was not instant. I loved her from the beginning though. It wasn't too different than with my bio kids, but the difference was I knew in my heart she may not stay forever and she didn't.

[jill_wv]

We were in the delivery room and brought DD home from the hospital. I loved her right away but I can distinctly remember 2 instances where I felt a burst of love/protection/hormones/bonding not sure what to call it. The first was when she was 10 days old and the next day we were to meet with the birth parents and lawyer for them to sign termination papers. I was packing her diaper bag and was overcome with the need to protect her and realized how much I had grown to love her. The next came when she was nearly 6 weeks old. She was asleep in my room in her moses basket and we got a huge sleet storm and the power went out. I ran to the bedroom to get her eventhough I knew she was just fine something in me just clicked and I HAD to hold her and protect her at all costs. In that moment I finally understood all those things people say about donig anything for their children and loving them no matter what.
Good luck to you and your family.

[dalynn1997]

Originally Posted by rosenfried2 Do you babywear?? That closeness creates bonding..

Yes I have tried with her but she hates it. She can't stand to be held closely at all. She is also special needs and there are tubes and wires that are attached to her so it makes baby wearing even harder.

Whenever I try to babywear her she ends up fighting and screaming so much that she ends up in cart and my AS who is quite heavy ends up being babyworn. He LOVES it!

[newmommy13]

my dd did too at first, if you are inclined to keep trying there are tricks you can do to help them get used to it. like at first she would scream unless she was already sleeping THEN i put her in the wrap. are you trying a cradle position or is she able to do tummy to tummy? a lot of babies hate laying down in a carrier, my dd included. if you are walking through a store this wouldn't matter but i coudln't sit still at first when she was just getting used to it, i had to walk around or bounce on a yoga ball, be working in the kitchen or walking through a store.

you can bond with her regarless of if you she ever likes babywearing or not, just thoguht i'd throw that out there in case it might help.

[kelly679]

Baby wearing is helpful. It took me about 10 months to really bond with my oldest. She was 17 months old when she came home. I actually realized how deeply i loved her in a movie, it was odd. Its comming faster for the baby (13 months old, came home at 10 months old) because we're baby wearing. It really makes a huge difference. But dont be hard on yourself, love grows!

[png_lovebirds]

This is something that might be hard to hear....but you might never bond with them. I, sadly, speak from experience. My story is floating around some where...but the basics are that we adopted an infant and had her for 17mths. DH and I never bonded with her during that time, I'm sad to say. We desperately wanted to....but you can't force love. You can fake it and hope the love with come but that doesn't always work.

To make a long story short, my sister adopted her. I wanted to share this with you to caution you...people say you will eventually bond with the child. That is NOT true and is a false reality. I believe in most cases that it is true....but you don't want to end up like we did.

I know my story is one that people don't like read or think about. It's the side of adoption people don't talk about. But what we went through is a reality for some families and I just wanted you to know.

*HUGS* and GL with your decision!