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Old 02-12-2012, 08:02 PM   #11
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

Someone just told me this today...

Since Im desperate for a break away from my whoolagans... the next time someone ANYONE says this to me, Im going to offer up the twinks for the day... wanna see how fast that conversation ends.

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Old 02-12-2012, 09:05 PM   #12
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

*Evil laugh* good one!
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Old 02-13-2012, 07:07 AM   #13
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

i guess it's the same way it gets to me when someone who only has 2 kids acts like it's the same amount of work and just as challenging as having 4 kids under the age of 6...

but then i just remind myself that it's not a competition and everyone's situation is different
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Old 02-13-2012, 07:50 AM   #14
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

This used to make me mad too...

Actually, it was moms who had twins and then a singleton a year later and thought it was just like having triplets.

And then I realized people were just trying to relate to my experience in the only way they knew how, that for the most part they don't mean it to minimize my experience (though it is an excellent example of subtractive empathy) and in the grand scheme of things it was the least obnoxious comment I got on a regular basis (gak if I were you I'd have killed myself generally took the prize for that one)

Of course, that doesn't mean that on my ornery days I don't respond to a "It's just like having triplets" with a "That's interesting that you would think that, I'd love for you to tell me how it's the same, since I don't have twins and a singleton and can't imagine how hard that must be." Which generally gets them to back track a bit.
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Old 02-13-2012, 07:53 AM   #15
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

LMBO my first 2 are 15 months apart and it is absolutely not like having twins... I don't think moms who say things like that would much like the death glare I'd have given them.
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Old 02-13-2012, 12:43 PM   #16
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

Since my twins have actually been two of the easiest (even being 26 weekers!) I totally disagree with you. It was 10 times harder when our older four were 5, 3, 1, and baby. With that said...I would never say something like what you are describing to you! Every person's situation is so different and there are SO many factors that make a huge difference! Those factors include baby or babies' personalities, what older children you have, those childrens' ages and personalities, where you live, if you have relatives or friends to help, your age, your personality, Daddy's personality, etc. etc. etc. No one can possible imagine what you are living unless they have actually moved in and had you disappear . Sending you hugs that I hope you can feel each time someone says something stupid to you...and hoping you read past my first sentence !
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:15 PM   #17
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

I doubt anyone here is trying to win a competition for who has it the hardest. The reason my mom's comments comparing her having a 13month old and newborn at the same time being the same as me having twins bothered me was probably more of the way that she put it. If there was something we couldn't do (like drive 4hrs to her house) because it would be too hard with the babies she'd say "Well, I remember what it is like to have two babies...now why don't you do it?" More like well, there is no reason you can't do exactly what I think you should do just because you have two babies to take care of.
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:21 PM   #18
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

Watermelon - how amazing that your twins are so easy and calm! My twins have been (as Dr. Sears would call it) persistent personalities...we call them demanding! I really don't blame them, they had a rough start. Born at 29 weeks, 11 weeks in NICU, thousands of tests and medications...amazing they pulled through it all. Hopefully when / if we can ever have more they will be calm like your LOs
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:22 PM   #19
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooke789 View Post
"Well, I remember what it is like to have two babies...now why don't you do it?" More like well, there is no reason you can't do exactly what I think you should do just because you have two babies to take care of.
Oh dear...that is how one gets bitten I joke now that I should have a sign on my chest like the dogs at the SPCA, mine would say,
"Loving at times, bites when provoked."
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:24 PM   #20
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Re: Grr to: "I'm not a mom of multiples BUT..."

So annoying. I have heard the same comment about "Irish twins" (babies less than a year apart). In some ways, I am sure that situation is harder (recovering from two births in a year's time....yikes!) but on the other hand, it IS NOT twins and is NOT the same as twins. I do find that the comments bother me less and less as the girls get older. I still get comments but I am in a more serene place now (not desperate for sleep or dealing with reflux and colic) so I am able to take comments in a more positive way, rather than feeling frustrated that they are minimizing my challenges.

Honestly, if you spoke to me when my twins were very young, you just couldn't win. I was annoyed with people when they said negative things like "double trouble" or "better you than me". And I was equally annoyed when they said more positive things like, "I know it's so hard because I have two under two also". The only people who got points with me were the ones who said something nice about twins and then quickly moved on.
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