Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-25-2012, 12:02 PM   #1
CurtsBabyMama's Avatar
CurtsBabyMama
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 529
My Mood:
Please help me discipline my 2 year old!!

I feel like a failure!! DS turned 2 last month and DD is almost 9m old. The past week DS has been terrorizing her to the point she doesn't want to be put on the floor, in her playpen or exersaucer. Anywhere. I don't know what has gotten into him, he snatches toys away, hits, kicks, you name it he has done it! This morning, she was playing in her playpen and he started hitting her thru the mesh, so shes not safe in there anymore either!

I don't know how to discipline him. I've tried time outs but I can't make him sit anywhere when hes not being punished much less trying to make him stay. I really don't want to spank him because hes hitting so hitting him for punishment doesn't make much sense. I've tried sitting him down and talking to him and tell him its not nice to hit, ect.

He just doesn't listen. Even with things not dealing with DD. We don't go to restaurants to eat anymore because he acts like a holy terror and removing him only makes it worse.

My mom says he will never learn how to act correctly if I don't spank him and honestly, I'm running out of things to do....and patience. Please help!!

Advertisement

__________________
Ashley, Married to a Marine
SAHM to our 32 weeker Noah, born on 7/18/10
& Noelle, born at 35 weeks on 12/9/11
How rearfacing saved my sons life

Last edited by CurtsBabyMama; 08-25-2012 at 12:13 PM.
CurtsBabyMama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2012, 12:53 PM   #2
BeccaSueCongdon's Avatar
BeccaSueCongdon
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,621
::

If you're feeling like spanking won't work, don't do it just to satisfy your mom. :-). 2 years isn't old enough for him to "get it" and it won't teach him anything. Based on his age the best approach at this point is prevention. Keep baby in a carrier or up high in a high chair. When/if he gets aggressive with her, put him in a high chair or play pen, wait out the inevitable tantrum, and remind him of the behavior you DO want. Whether it's "use your words," "gentle touches" or something else. 2 year olds do best with a simple positive explanation (do "this" vs "don't this" by itself) repeated over and over and over consistently. Their frontal lobe of the brain that controls impulses isn't matured to the point where they can stop those impulses yet, and they're still learning what behaviors are appropriate and not appropriate. He will test you OVER AND OVER AND OVER. but if you are consistent to stay calm, use simple instructions and prevent as much as possible, eventually he'll grow out of this phase. It's hard for them bc they have so much emotions and thoughts but not the vocabulary to express it. So also working with him on using words to explain how he's feeling and what he's thinking.

::
BeccaSueCongdon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2012, 12:54 PM   #3
mommy2abigail
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,651
My Mood:
Re: Please help me discipline my 2 year old!!

First off, you are NOT a failure. You have two BABIES. He looks bigger because you have a 9 month old, but a 2 year old is still very very young.
AFA spanking (I am completely against hitting, so that's where I am coming from) think about the logic-you want him to learn to be gentle and not hit...by hitting him? So yeah, don't do that.
No matter what you do, it will take a LOT of repetition. A lot. As soon as you come to expect to have to tell him 573829474562 times, it won't frustrate you so much when you have to tell him for the third or fourth or twentieth time.
Here is what I would do-
First, I'd remember that he is young, has had a huge disruption in his life with the addition of his sister, and has limited vocabulary to express himself, leaving him frustrated.
I'd carve out time just for him, and have the baby in the playpen/with daddy/napping.
I'd give him a LOT of large motor play, and sensory play (sand, play doh, water, ect).
I'd be very proactive about ways he CAN play with and touch his sister. When he hits, I would comfort his sister, while modeling soft touches.
I'd have him 'make ammends' (instead of saying sorry) WHEN HE IS READY by giving her a soft touch, playing nicely, ect. Phrase it like "You hurt sister when you kicked her! How can you help her feel better?" give him ideas if he can't think of any. Let him help with her, feeding, changing, bathing...if he wants.
I'd remember that while is is not ACCEPTABLE behavior, it IS EXPECTED behavior, given his age and the circumstances.
I'd try to remember that when he is hitting or hurting, he really doesn't understand fully the implications of his behavior.
I'd remember that even if he 'knows' not to do it, he lacks (simply because it isn't developed in 2 year olds yet!) the impulse control to stop himself. He will grow out of it. Promise. My dd2 (who is 4.5 now) was the most violent toddler. We do not spank or punish at all, and I am a very proactive mom, so I had NO clue where and why she was doing it. I had to watch her like a hawk all.the.time. It was a looooong year. BUT!!! She is the sweetest kid now. She is super gentle with dd3 (who is a toddler) and with all other babies and children. Behavior at 2 years old is NOT indicative of what they will be like at 3, or 5, or 10. (ok, while I was writing this, my toddler pinched dd because she wanted her toy. Dd called for me crying, and I walked in to see her sitting totally still as the toddler pinched her. I comforted older dd, and showed her arm to toddler dd, and explained she hurt her. Younger dd gave her a hug and kiss, and older dd hugged her and said "It's ok, you can have the toy, I'm done now anyway. Love you JuJuBee.".)
Anyway, I know it is SO hard to see your baby being hurt, there is NOTHING that gets Mama Bear out faster than that! And I know the conflicting feelings when it is your other baby doing the hurting. Just know that he is still very much your baby, and he may need some extra babying. I'm not saying to allow the behavior of hitting, but to almost separate your feelings on it. Does that make sense? if you can, work on filling his love tank...I've always found that to be helpful not only for the child, but also for me.
mommy2abigail is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2012, 01:26 PM   #4
rebekka117's Avatar
rebekka117
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 345
Re: Please help me discipline my 2 year old!!

.

Last edited by rebekka117; 08-25-2012 at 01:34 PM.
rebekka117 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2012, 01:27 PM   #5
rebekka117's Avatar
rebekka117
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 345
Re: Please help me discipline my 2 year old!!

hmm. i have an 18 month old, and we've done a variety of training techniques since he was 10 months old, and believe me, as a 2 year old he is absolutely old enough to 'get it'.

when he was young we would say no and remove his hand from whatever he was touching multiple times until we knew he knew what we wanted. once we knew he understood what no meant, we'd say no and then hold his hand and swat the back of it. it stings, he would cry briefly, we'd hug, and move on.

as he got older and the hand swats didn't really seem to faze him anymore, we moved to swatting his leg. if he gets told 'no', and he does it anyways, i say 'it's important that you listen to mama.' and swat his leg. it stings, he cries briefly, we hug, he's a happy boy once again. i'm not hitting him, i'm carefully responsibly teaching him that it's important for his safety that he listen to what i say. the swatting causes no long term damage, i'm not beating him out of anger, i'm simply making it an unpleasant experience for him when he disobeys. he is the happiest most well behaved 18 month old i've ever met.

i'm not teaching him to hit, because what i am doing is not reaching over and smacking him if he does something wrong. i go over to him, squat down and ask him to look at me so that i know i have his attention, i give him a short explanation "mama said no hitting.' a quick unpleasant-ness, a hug and it's over. try it for a week or so, if you don't like it stop, but you'll have at least tried it. at first it may seem like you're training him all the time, because he's used to getting his way and not getting any negative reinforcement. he will catch on surprisingly quickly, they are very very smart! since he is already 2 it may take awhile, but keep your eyes on the end result - you want a toddler that listens and obeys you for his safety, the safety of those around him, and your sanity!


positive reinforcement is great, but it's useless unless it's also paired with negative reinforcement. preventative measures are great when it comes to keeping the guns locked away or cellar doors closed, but it's a little silly to have to hide your 9 month old because your 2 year old wants to terrorize her. i have a friend who keeps her garbage basket in the center of her kitchen table because her 2 year old gets in it. silly, no? you will drive your self insane trying to prevent contact between them, and you will never be able to see all the possible situations that he could get into. trust me, they are creative! teaching him to listen is an incredibly valuable skill that will make both of you so much happier. kids need boundries, they test them to make sure they are there.

Last edited by rebekka117; 08-25-2012 at 01:30 PM.
rebekka117 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2012, 02:04 PM   #6
BeccaSueCongdon's Avatar
BeccaSueCongdon
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,621
FWIW, positive reinforcement has been shown to be effective without the use of negative reinforcement. At least according to child development experts who've done long term studies on actual children.

There are lots of differing views on how to shape a childs behavior. The choice between wearing the nine month old when you aren't able to be present (on the floor with both of them) to respond to behavioral and make them teaching moments, is as legitimate a choice as choosing to inflict physical pain to extinguish behaviors. Both methods of behavior training work as long as you are consistent, and both require the same level of attention and focus and consistency. So the choice really comes down to your own preference. I personally prefer the gentle approach over inflicting pain to make a point. Does that make me a better
Mom? Nope. Just my preference.
BeccaSueCongdon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2012, 02:26 PM   #7
KingsDaughter76's Avatar
KingsDaughter76
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,261
My Mood:
Re: Please help me discipline my 2 year old!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon View Post
FWIW, positive reinforcement has been shown to be effective without the use of negative reinforcement. At least according to child development experts who've done long term studies on actual children.

There are lots of differing views on how to shape a childs behavior. The choice between wearing the nine month old when you aren't able to be present (on the floor with both of them) to respond to behavioral and make them teaching moments, is as legitimate a choice as choosing to inflict physical pain to extinguish behaviors. Both methods of behavior training work as long as you are consistent, and both require the same level of attention and focus and consistency. So the choice really comes down to your own preference. I personally prefer the gentle approach over inflicting pain to make a point. Does that make me a better
Mom? Nope. Just my preference.

Well said and I agree 100%! We don't have to inflict any pain either to train our kids. We have 8 kids and have been doing this for years. No pain necessary to train
__________________
Kellina ~Wife to a Cowboy & Christian Homeschooling Mama to 9 kids and YES we would love to have more! Baby #9 is here!! IT'S A GIRL!! Born Oct 1st 2014!!
Forever missing my 7 m/c babies now safe in the arms of Jesus EARN Amazon giftcards for FREE!! Click to sign up for SWAGBUCKS!!
KingsDaughter76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2012, 02:39 PM   #8
kelpie169's Avatar
kelpie169
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Tampa Bay Area
Posts: 1,838
Personally, we do a mix. My 3.5 year old (developmentally about 9 months behind that) was a terror for about a year after he turned 2. The thing I've found that works for us is we tell him no (yes he does understand). If it continues, we reiterate the no and tell him if he doesn't listen he's getting a "spanking" and a time out. Recently he's started lying too so he gets an extra "spanking" for that. He knows the difference too. I say "spanking" since it's not a real spank. We actually act like we're going to swat his butt, clap our hands right behind t and give him a small nudge. Makes him think it was unpleasant. He hates it. But I'm not actually hitting him. I never wanted to do that. But without the possibility of unpleasantness paired with the time out, he neve listened. Believe me it took us forever to get to this point. He's SO much better behaved now.
kelpie169 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2012, 05:56 PM   #9
GunnarzMom's Avatar
GunnarzMom
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 255
My Mood:
Have you tried showing him how to correctly play with his sister, and then lavishing praise on him when he does it correctly? Redirect that energy into something you can praise him for. He's at a very gross motor age, he's got a lot of energy in those big muscles, so make sure he has a place to put that energy that's not on the baby. Specific suggestions would be stuff like couch cushion towers, pretending to be an animal, action songs he can dance to, playground, kids gym classes, etc.
__________________
Kim - homeschooling mommy to Gunnar and Norah
GunnarzMom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2012, 09:07 PM   #10
dancermommy1's Avatar
dancermommy1
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,167
Re: Please help me discipline my 2 year old!!

For time out, how persistent are you about reseating him and restarting the time every single time he gets up ? Use a timer so he visually sees the time being reset. It's a PITA to keep putting him back in time out and the first day you might spend an hour doing it, but if you are persistent eventually he will sit there. The key is do not speak, do not get upset, do not lecture, just set him back down and restart the time each time.

I come from a spanking family too and we've chosen not to spank. I'm constantly aware that every age appropriate but annoying misbehavior on the part of my two year old is met with a look that says "if you'd only spank" by my family. But, it's our choice an noone else's--try to remember that! It's hard--we still want to please our mamas even when WE are mamas!!
__________________
Bellydancing, Jesus-loving, cloth-diapering ecologist and Mommy to Michael Christopher, born July 8, 2010!!

Please Visit my ETSY store benefiting women and children in poverty! http://www.etsy.com/shop/conspiracyoflove

YOU can make a difference in developing countries, one precious child at a time! http://conspiracy-of-love.blogspot.com
dancermommy1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.