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Old 03-15-2012, 08:42 PM   #1
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What to do with other kids during the birth?

What do you mamas do with your other kiddos during labor/birth if you're going to the hospital or a birthing center? I considered just having him there, but he's very rowdy and I feel that it would hinder labor if I had to wonder where he is, what he's doing, ect. He would NOT just sit quietly in the labor room, that's for sure
All of our family and friends that live in town have full time jobs or are full time students (or both!) so asking them to basically be "on call" all day and all night for several weeks is out of the question. Both of our parents live about 4 hours away.
My mom is driving down for the birth, so obviously she can't watch him. I'm thinking of asking my MIL, but I feel like it would be a bit of a slap in the face that I asked her to babysit instead of inviting her to the birth when she's in town. The other issue is that I don't know if she'd make it in time (My first labor was 10 hours total, so not crazy short, but I wouldn't be surprised if I had this baby quickly.) I would also offer that she could come down early and stay at our house so she wouldn't have to get the call and drive 4 hours. I still am just not sure that it's appropriate to ask.
I've also considered just hiring an "on call" babysitter, but I really don't really completely comfortable with a stranger watching him, especially since he has never been babysat by a stranger before. I don't even know how I'd go about finding a babysitter that could come to our house to do this, day or night.
What have you done, or what would you do in my situation?

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Old 03-15-2012, 08:42 PM   #2
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Re: What to do with other kids during the birth?

Wowza, sorry that turned into a novel
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Old 03-15-2012, 08:51 PM   #3
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Re: What to do with other kids during the birth?

How many people do you have around you that you would trust? If I were you I would make a list of everyone who loves me and whom I trust to babysit. Multiply that number by two, so if you have 8 people on the list, you have 16 days to consider. Take the two weeks before the birth and the 2 days after the due date. Assign two non-consecutive days to each person, then ask them if they can be on call for just those two days. They will know way ahead of time and be able to give a heads-up to their boss that they may possibly be taking a sick day on that day. See if the people in class can tell you a good day or two for each of them where they aren't taking a test or turning anything in and maybe just missing a lecture. Assign them on those days. The people who are the most flexible assign last.

I'm not sure if that will help, just an idea.
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Old 03-15-2012, 09:13 PM   #4
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Re: What to do with other kids during the birth?

I asked my mom to watch DS. It was a sore spot for awhile. She actually was really ticked about it bc she got to be in the room the first time. I explained it to her like this: i am going to be in labor, the best gift you can give me is the peace of mind of knowing my baby is safe and sound and not having to worry (while im in tremendous pain) if he is ok or not ok.

Yeah it didnt go over that well, but it went over. Im thankful she did it. I had a very very quick first labor and an even quicker second. People told me to expect it to be about half the time.....well my first i was in the hospital 2hrs....so i thought NO WAY....wrong! I was in the hospital about 1hr 15 mins. I did call my mom and let her know what was going on (up until the pain was too much to use a phone).
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Old 03-15-2012, 09:14 PM   #5
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Re: What to do with other kids during the birth?

my son (who will be 2 or almost) will be with us. He doesn't sit still either, but I couldn't actually focus on the birth knowing he was with someone other than me or DH. If it was a homebirth, I wouldn't even question it. Since it will be at the hospital, I am gonna have a doula in case DH needs to do something with DS and I am planning more, like bringing his fav books, etc. If we were home, I wouldn't have anyone extra there or do anything different.

For the record, my oldest, at 14 mo was going to be at the hospital birth of his brother but he and my sis didn't wake up in time to come (fast birth). The births of DS3 and then DS4 were at home and the other boys (ranging in age from 3 1/2 yrs - 20 mo) were at both births, no issues at all. For my 5th, the older boys were teens and had we had a homebirth, they would have been there, but the hospital was far away and they didn't want to just hang out there.
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Old 03-15-2012, 09:23 PM   #6
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Re: What to do with other kids during the birth?

My oldest is a teen and she has been in the room for the last two, and will be for this one too. My hospital requires that anyone under 18 have another adult in the room who is responsible for just that person, so that if something starts to happen fast, the minor starts to freak out, whatever, that there is an adult in charge of getting the child out of the room if necessary, calming her down, whatever is needed. My mom does that.

When DD2 was born, MIL and FIL were there at the hospital, but they were not in the room. When DD3 was born, they were in charge of watching DD2, who was 22 months at the time. I may have DD2 and DD3 with FIL and my dad this time, MIL passed in August. I am not sure about having both the toddlers with just FIL, he is of an old school mind and while I do TRUST him, I am not sure he actually knows how to handle the both of them for any length of time. But with my dad there, they can figure it all out between the two of them.

My parents and my FIL are both about an hour drive from us and the hospital (which is a 2 minute drive from me) and I tend to have LONG labors, so I am not worried about anyone not getting there in time. If things go down in the middle of the night, DH and I will head to the hospital, DD1 will likely stay with the little ones as they sleep, until Dad and FIL can get here, then my mom can bring her up to the hospital. That's not a likely situation. Since history has shown me to have slow labors and the hospital is really just a few blocks down the road, it would have to be a pretty desparate situation for us to need to leave before someone has time to get here.

After the baby is born and I am recovered and settled down, DH will take all 3 of the kids home with him.
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Old 03-15-2012, 09:31 PM   #7
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Re: What to do with other kids during the birth?

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Old 03-15-2012, 09:34 PM   #8
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Re: What to do with other kids during the birth?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hungry Caterpillar View Post
How many people do you have around you that you would trust? If I were you I would make a list of everyone who loves me and whom I trust to babysit. Multiply that number by two, so if you have 8 people on the list, you have 16 days to consider. Take the two weeks before the birth and the 2 days after the due date. Assign two non-consecutive days to each person, then ask them if they can be on call for just those two days. They will know way ahead of time and be able to give a heads-up to their boss that they may possibly be taking a sick day on that day. See if the people in class can tell you a good day or two for each of them where they aren't taking a test or turning anything in and maybe just missing a lecture. Assign them on those days. The people who are the most flexible assign last.

I'm not sure if that will help, just an idea.
That is quite the idea! Right now I have 4 people I'd really trust. 1 of them works 2 jobs, 1 of them goes to school part time with a full time job, 1 works full time and has 2 kids, and the other works AND goes to school, both full time. I feel like even a few days is a lot to ask Me and DH have discussed maybe just asking all of them, then when I go into labor we'll call them all see she if one could do it just until family (4 hours away) got there. I just think I might panic if all 4 were busy (which is kind of likely.) Great thought though, I'll run it by DH! Thank you
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Originally Posted by sandhillcranes View Post
I asked my mom to watch DS. It was a sore spot for awhile. She actually was really ticked about it bc she got to be in the room the first time. I explained it to her like this: i am going to be in labor, the best gift you can give me is the peace of mind of knowing my baby is safe and sound and not having to worry (while im in tremendous pain) if he is ok or not ok.

Yeah it didnt go over that well, but it went over. Im thankful she did it. I had a very very quick first labor and an even quicker second. People told me to expect it to be about half the time.....well my first i was in the hospital 2hrs....so i thought NO WAY....wrong! I was in the hospital about 1hr 15 mins. I did call my mom and let her know what was going on (up until the pain was too much to use a phone).
I don't think my MIL would be offended or make a stink, but I'm afraid she'd secretly feel hurt or maybe obligated..? We're close, and really, the only reason I DON'T want her at the birth is because she has a very skewed view of midwives. She tries not to let her judgement show, but she doesn't think midwives are as good as OBs, and while she is supportive of natural birth, she is not super supportive of home or birth center births. She tends to be a worrier. I just think it would be a weird energy with her in the birthing room watching DS, but watching him at our house while I have the baby makes me feel bad

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Originally Posted by bluedaisyma View Post
my son (who will be 2 or almost) will be with us. He doesn't sit still either, but I couldn't actually focus on the birth knowing he was with someone other than me or DH. If it was a homebirth, I wouldn't even question it. Since it will be at the hospital, I am gonna have a doula in case DH needs to do something with DS and I am planning more, like bringing his fav books, etc. If we were home, I wouldn't have anyone extra there or do anything different.

For the record, my oldest, at 14 mo was going to be at the hospital birth of his brother but he and my sis didn't wake up in time to come (fast birth). The births of DS3 and then DS4 were at home and the other boys (ranging in age from 3 1/2 yrs - 20 mo) were at both births, no issues at all. For my 5th, the older boys were teens and had we had a homebirth, they would have been there, but the hospital was far away and they didn't want to just hang out there.
I know, it would be SO much easier if it were at home! I would have no problem with him being at the birth at home, honestly, at least I would know he'd be off destroying OUR things, not someone elses He's pretty well behaved at home, but at the birth center he'd be too interested in everything around.
I do wonder (either way, at home or birth center) if the birth would scare him, even if I were calm. He's very cautious, and a little anxious. He gets really upset/scared over basically nothing. He's excited for the baby though. It'd be hard to predict how he'd react.
I'm definitely not completely ruling out having him at the birth, but he would definitely need a person to be there to watch him, not including my DH or my mom.
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Old 03-16-2012, 06:55 AM   #9
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Re: What to do with other kids during the birth?

We're having my IL's watch DD. I guess MIL will come to our house or meet us at the hospital and take DD home w/ her. She watches her all the time anyway. My mom was in the room for DD's birth and I expect she'll do the same w/ this one. MIL was at the hospital, but left the room for the pushing stage and delivery. She is so sweet, though, she'd never say if she was upset for not being there.

So, I'd ask MIL to watch your son, and get one of your friends for the time before she arrives if needed.
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Old 03-16-2012, 10:11 AM   #10
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Re: What to do with other kids during the birth?

I asked my mom to watch ds for the birth and the first words out of her mouth were "well is <mil> going to be at the birth?" Competitive much? but no, i don't want either my mom or mil at the birth. Mom is a worrier and just tends to make me nervous whenever she's around and mil is an LNP who always wants to know all the stats. I figure between the 2 of them they can figure out a good schedule to take care of ds.
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