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Old 03-09-2012, 12:54 PM   #1
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WWYD? (teen sex/pregnancy)

My 15 yo cousin M is sexually active. Her mom, K, knew this and in fact is the one who told me last year. Since then, M and I have become very close and I am her "go-to" adult to listen to most of her problems. About 6 months ago, M thought she might be pregnant. I got her a test and it was negative. I didn't tell anyone in the family. Yesterday, M thought she might be pg again. This time she told her mom. I'm not sure what else she told her mom but it came up that I had gotten her a test last year. Now K is mad at me for not telling her. Should I have told K? Or kept it to myself and kept M's trust?

If the test had been positive, I would have told K.
Also, if K didn't know M was having sex, I would have alerted her to that as well.

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Old 03-09-2012, 01:09 PM   #2
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Re: WWYD? (teen sex/pregnancy)

I feel you did nothing wrong honestly. I wouldn't have told K either. You need M's trust, so she has someone to come to. Now, it's time for K to WAKE UP and get M on some BC before she is a teen mom. These are the hardest situations, but really i feel you did the right thing by keeping M;s trust vs. telling K everything. Hopefully K will see it that way. AND GET BC for M.
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:23 PM   #3
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Re: WWYD? (teen sex/pregnancy)

I think that if I were you, I would have told K that M was concerned about possibly being pregnant. Hopefully, that would have inspired K to make sure that M had reliable birth control available. Alternatively, to keep M's trust, I would have discussed birth control with her, and offered to talk to M, if need be, to make sure that she had options for birth control.

That being said, I don't think you actually did anything wrong. If she knows that her teen is sexually active, it's the mother's responsibility to make sure that the teen is having safe sex. It this case, though, I think I would have taken the extra step to protect M (since it seems like her mother isn't doing so).
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:32 PM   #4
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Re: WWYD? (teen sex/pregnancy)

We have repeatedly discussed birth control. I have offered to bring her to Planned Parenthood but she refused, saying she would start using condoms. Well she hasn't. If we lived closer I would bring her condoms myself. But I think K needs to be doing a better parenting job and not pretending like this isn't happening. And I have mentioned more than once to K that I thought she needed to talk to M about birth control. But I never told her about the test.
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:35 PM   #5
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I don't think you did anything wrong... But I would have told the mother. She needs to be aware that birth control isn't being used properly or something is being misunderstood, etc. She is the parent.

It's one thing to know your child is sexually active - it's another thing to know that they're having pregnancy scares.

You could have maintained the trust if the mother was subtle and careful. But even if you lost it, I feel it would have been better to inform the parent.
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:35 PM   #6
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Re: WWYD? (teen sex/pregnancy)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy2Gav View Post
We have repeatedly discussed birth control. I have offered to bring her to Planned Parenthood but she refused, saying she would start using condoms. Well she hasn't. If we lived closer I would bring her condoms myself. But I think K needs to be doing a better parenting job and not pretending like this isn't happening. And I have mentioned more than once to K that I thought she needed to talk to M about birth control. But I never told her about the test.
I totally agree. With the extra information, I'd say there was really no reason for you to mention the test at all, it seems K wouldn't have done anything about it anyway.
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:38 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johnsbabymama
I feel you did nothing wrong honestly. I wouldn't have told K either. You need M's trust, so she has someone to come to. Now, it's time for K to WAKE UP and get M on some BC before she is a teen mom. These are the hardest situations, but really i feel you did the right thing by keeping M;s trust vs. telling K everything. Hopefully K will see it that way. AND GET BC for M.
Yeah, that. She needs to protect herself, not from just pregnancy but if she is sleeping around, to protect her from sexual diseases...
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:39 PM   #8
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Re: WWYD? (teen sex/pregnancy)

I would have told. Kind of a after the fact thing. Like say btw K, I got M a pregnancy test it was negative, you should talk to her about birth control. Something like that.
I have told on my nephew about many things, he still comes over, loves us, etc.
Oh and if I was K I would have been very angry that I wasn't notified about this scare.
When deciding things like that I look at it from both sides. How would I feel if this was my kid type of thing. That is what leads me to keep telling my nephews mom what is up.
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:39 PM   #9
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Re: WWYD? (teen sex/pregnancy)

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Originally Posted by Mommy2Gav View Post
We have repeatedly discussed birth control. I have offered to bring her to Planned Parenthood but she refused, saying she would start using condoms. Well she hasn't. If we lived closer I would bring her condoms myself. But I think K needs to be doing a better parenting job and not pretending like this isn't happening. And I have mentioned more than once to K that I thought she needed to talk to M about birth control. But I never told her about the test.
BC! how about show her some pics of STDs! BCP doesnt prevent STDs.... Someone needs to have some serious chats with her. Wow...
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:45 PM   #10
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Re: WWYD? (teen sex/pregnancy)

I asked her today if she has been tested for STD's and she still hasn't!! And her mom is the one bringing her to the dr! This is what I am talking about-- she knows what is going on and NOT DOING ANYTHING. I really makes me mad that she is mad at me! I can only do so much since she isn't my kid.

There are many many more issues going on...M has missed over 60 days of school this year (and last!). K is a SAHM and KNOWS her daughter isn't going to school...but does nothing and then gets upset that M might have to go to the juvenile detention center...
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