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Old 03-18-2012, 04:56 PM   #1
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Unhappy Baby cries whenever it's with dad

Babe is 8.5 weeks, and this has only gotten worse. My hubby works two jobs and when home he is often working on the computer. There was even a week when hubby was in europe for business. So for 98% of our son's life I've been the only person in his world. It's now gotten to the point that dad can't hold him or even change his diaper without our son screaming (and he loves it when I change his diaper, all smiles and laughing).

It's hurting my husband and making him stressed and upset whenever he tries to do anything, and it's making me angry that I can't have 5 minutes to myself. I also need dad to stay home 1 weekday while I'm at work. We can't afford a sitter more than 3 days a week, and my job won't let me work fewer than 4 days, so he needs to make up the difference. I can tell already that though he's kind of agreed to staying home alone with him, he really doesn't want to at this point.

What can I do? I try sending them out on walks so I'm not in the way, but baby still screams bloody murder because I'm not there. It doesn't help that hubby knows our baby almost never screams when I'm caring for him, so he feels like a total failure. I know he's a good dad, but he's lost all confidence at this point.

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Old 03-18-2012, 05:05 PM   #2
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One old moms trick is to keep baby wrapped in a shirt that you've been wearing, or get a small security blanket that smells like you (stuff it in your bra or shirt for a while lol)
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Old 03-18-2012, 05:15 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Alikhlas
One old moms trick is to keep baby wrapped in a shirt that you've been wearing, or get a small security blanket that smells like you (stuff it in your bra or shirt for a while lol)
Yep this.

And just continue to let dad do it. Leave the area if you can.

Tell dad to relax cause babies can sense fear and stress and will react to it. They know when people holding them don't feel confident. I had a friend who could never hold my daughter because it was too obvious to DD that she didn't know how to hold her.
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Old 03-18-2012, 05:17 PM   #4
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Re: Baby cries whenever it's with dad

Sorry mama I have to say that's very typical behavior especially with your hubby being gone for a large portion of your lo life. But, tree are some things you can do to help. When your DH is home have him do some bonding like skin to skin, bathe/ shower with baby, carry baby in a carrier, talk and sing to baby. Over time baby will become familiar with DH. Its really normal for babies to just want mama. Hope thy helps. Good luck !
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Old 03-18-2012, 06:16 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange

Yep this.

And just continue to let dad do it. Leave the area if you can.
this. Give them time together and don't "save" the baby (or your dh). They will work it out together, and start to bond. Get yourself out of the house so you - and they - are not tempted. They will survive and be better for it. Also... Give your dh LOTS of positive feedback and bite your tongue on correcting unless it's actually dangerous or he asks. Men are not brought up to feel confident with kids - they need lots of reassurances and babies are pretty durable, really, so building your DHs confidence is key.

When dd was litte, dh used to take her out in a carrier for early morning walks on weekends (and often weekdays too) so I could sleep until 7. Outside was great as it distracted dd and dh got to feel good about it. By the time she was a year I was completely second fiddle. She is totally daddy's girl!

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Old 03-18-2012, 08:46 PM   #6
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Re: Baby cries whenever it's with dad

They have to figure it out on their own. What works for you won't always work for him. He also needs to understand that sometimes babies just cry. They get overstimulated and they have no other outlet but to cry. Dh took care of dd and he swore she hated him until I went back to work and now she is a daddies girl. Dh and ds are still figuring thei stuff out but it has gotten tons better but ds has really bad reflux so sometimes he just fusses.
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Old 03-18-2012, 10:08 PM   #7
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We went through this with DD, and it has gotten a lot better. Skin to skin with your DH is a great idea, as is having him sing or talk to DS as much as he can. I'm guessing you do the nighttime routine, but maybe he can be there for it? Like help give your DS a bath, put the lotion and diaper on, read him a story.

If takes time. DH had such a hard time when we went through this. He felt like he was a terrible father and like our DD hated him. He wanted to give up. Just keep encouraging him. Bite your tongue if you want to "correct" him (this is so hard for me!) DH really liked giving DD infant massages at that age. It calmed her down and she was able to feel his hands and hear his voice. Also, not sure what you're doing feeding wise, but maybe let DH bottle feed once in a while. I tried to pump enough for him to give her a bottle a few times a week.
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Old 03-19-2012, 06:42 AM   #8
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Re: Baby cries whenever it's with dad

is your husband stressed when he holds the baby? babies can sense that. I remember when I had PPD after my second she always cried when I held her because I was depressed and stressed out and how negative feelings towards her and believe me she sensed that. He needs to be calm and he needs to let the stress go away. Your child is still so very young and has been in your belly all this time so he's just now getting to know everyone. It will take time
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Old 03-19-2012, 08:59 AM   #9
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Re: Baby cries whenever it's with dad

Hubby does get stressed when the baby is crying, but I'm probably not helping because I'm either telling him to do this or that or clearly biting my tongue and resisting the urge. I really need to not be in the same room, that's what it comes down to. This morning he took babe and let me sleep and he said babe was happy and smiley the whole time! I do hope he takes a day alone with our son while I'm at work, because I think it would be good for all of us.
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Old 03-19-2012, 10:15 AM   #10
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Re: Baby cries whenever it's with dad

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Originally Posted by jenn.mcc View Post
Hubby does get stressed when the baby is crying, but I'm probably not helping because I'm either telling him to do this or that or clearly biting my tongue and resisting the urge. I really need to not be in the same room, that's what it comes down to. This morning he took babe and let me sleep and he said babe was happy and smiley the whole time! I do hope he takes a day alone with our son while I'm at work, because I think it would be good for all of us.
I'm glad it worked out it's amazing what babies can sense and if there is any sort of pressure or stress they know and WILL react to it
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