Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-19-2012, 07:48 AM   #1
ssand23's Avatar
ssand23
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 3,820
Toddler help needed please!

My little guy is 26 months old & a big, smart wild man. He wears a size 4-5 clothing, is very strong physically & smart (he can count to 20, knows all his colors, shapes, he can draw an octogon correctly, the full alphabet, all with out help, speaks in full sentences & easily out smarts us).

He hits, pulls hair & head butts us. We don't spank but he does get time out. This consists of him on my lap for 2 minutes, tv off if it was on & if he threw a toy, it goes away for an hour or so. I'm worried he is going to really hurt someone. He has medical problems where he still only drinks a bottle (he's recently been able to tolerate these rice milk snacks & rice Krispies but that's not a definite yet) & for what ever reason, seems to feel no pain. He can head butt anything, even the wall & just shakes it off. I've seen him give himself a black eye from head butting & he doesn't even blink, let alone cry. He has been referred to speech therapy for his feeding issues but I need to wait a few months due to my medical problems.

What's hard is I am disabled (that's why I do time out on my lap), it has become much worse over this past year & he is very aware on my limitations. I've also had fibromyalgia since I was a child but he started to get wild when I had knee surgery this past summer than is still not healed. I'm having major surgery in 3 weeks, will be in the hospital for a few days, stuck in bed for a couple months & have been in serious pain for about 2-3 weeks now. Hence, I'm extra limited & worried this will get worse after surgery. We will be having sitters come when dh is at work & I don't want him to attack them. And sooner than later, I need back surgery, too. I was on the process of seeing a neurosurgeon to schedule that when the belly pain started.

I spend my days on the couch in the living room with him. I can't always get on the floor to play but we read together often & I try to do what I can with him. He clearly prefers dh over me. He'd be pleased as punch to hang out with dh 24/7. I know it's typical toddler behavior to have a preferential parent but sometimes it hurts.

My older 3 girls weren't like this. My middle dd was rowdy & high needs but he is much more so. I'm just at a loss. Is this typical behavior, is there something more going on, what would you suggest to get the physical attacks under control.

Advertisement

__________________
Stephanie,
Mom to my girls ('94), ('99) & ('02)
And my little guy (12/09)
ssand23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2012, 08:02 AM   #2
Celeste's Avatar
Celeste
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,842
My Mood:
Re: Toddler help needed please!

I know you're limited physically, but is there someone who could take him to a park or outside to run off some energy? It might not stop the behavior all together, but maybe he's just too cooped up in the house.
__________________
: Blessed wife to Jon, homeschooling Mama to Ava Catherine (1-6-07), Faith Olivia (3-17-09) , and Eli David (11-30-10), my sweet little guy!
Celeste is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2012, 08:22 AM   #3
Mom2Connor's Avatar
Mom2Connor
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,283
Do you have a patio you can fence in and get outdoor toys for him? Right now im sitting on our new patio swing and 19 mo old DS has been playing in his sandbox for about two hrs. Hes very energetic too. Our yard is fenced, but very big and we have 4 big dogs, so to contain him to just the big patio we used wooden 2 ft tall garden fencing staked into the ground around the patio.
__________________
Proud SAHM to Connor (8-6-10) and our little born 4-14-13
Mom2Connor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2012, 10:46 AM   #4
pcjs's Avatar
pcjs
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,206
Re: Toddler help needed please!

I am not a fan of time outs depending on the kid. For us, its just a game/wrestling match that gives him attention. (But, I've seen it work great for other kids). My husband sometimes does them. I just pick up my son after 1-2 warnings and put him in his room with the baby gate. We sometimes get the really good tantrums (we have to giggle as he thinks he is the first kid to do them) and tell him he can come out when he's done. He we are out and about, I just pick him up and leave (luckily he has only had a meltdown once when we were eating and he was overtired and we should not have brought him out so we had just ordered so we thanked the staff, apologized and left - I felt bad not thinking to leave a tip as they were so nice about it). When he's done, I get down on his level and say we don't do XXX or behave that way. (but that works for us) He has toys and other stuff in his room to occupy him and I have no issue if he plays with them.

The best thing we got in the last few weeks is the little tykes trampoline. If you have room inside or outside, get him that and let him get the energy out. I picked it as its smaller, has padding everywhere, lower to the ground so he can get in/out without you lifting them and all that. I ordered it through Walmart so if there was an issue I could return it. The other thing we got that has been a huge hit (but a bit pricy but I found a coupon for it being cheap mom) is the first Lioniel train set. My son has been playing with it constantly (and usually he's a car boy).

Lastly, if you feel lousy, I hate to say this but use tv (super why, sesame street, word world, curious george) or an iPad/pod with education stuff on it since he's so smart. Or, we just sit and do flash cards and sometimes workbooks (Costco has the kumon ones some people rave about).

We notice huge melt downs with hunger and my kid will not tell me when he's hungry. We went on a huge feeding strike (and it has gotten much much better but we don't have issues like yours) and we know some of it was just hungry.

I'd try experimenting with more food and just offer it. We had a feeding clinic set up and canceled it. But, they told us while waiting to just keep offering (and don't stress over waste) and we did that and for us, one day he just ate. Instead of rice krispies, maybe do something more healthy like different kind of rice cakes, pita chips (depending on his allergies), all different types of cereals and crackers (ritz and gold fish are the winners here). Also, this sounds crazy, but things like pickles and olives - my kid just loves them. I forget why we tried them/maybe we were eating them but my kid can eat pickles of all things all day long and one of the few things he asks for. I usually try to buy 1-2 things new and different. Oh, also a big hit is dried fruit. Especially the target strawberry's and peaches. Someone at a group told me to try corn (but its really hard so I wouldn't) and peas (a big hit for a while). And, I'd keep trying purees (just make them with left over veggies from dinner vs. spending money on jarred).

Maybe you can use the county/local program if they can work with you in-home or try to get a referral for some kind of in-home services given your medical issues.

I would be more concerned over the feeling no pain vs. feeding (but pick your battles) as feeding at least you can still use formula.

Oh, for more outside stuff, get a swing set (again depending on if you can afford it) - we got a cheap metal one (no money but other reasons) and its a huge it and everything is low so he can do it himself. Or, maybe something for him to climb on while you just sit outside with him and relax.

I hope you feel better soon! That must be so hard on you.

Oh, and with some of the behaviors, are you "sure" its aggression vs. something else he is trying to copy. My husband is really sweet and will rub me a lot when I hurt and our son does this pinching thing. My husband thought he was doing it being mad and I giggled one day realizing he was copying daddy rubbing me. How my husband holds his hand to rub my neck was exactly what he was doing... just trying to get attention/be affectionate.
__________________
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :

Last edited by pcjs; 03-19-2012 at 10:49 AM.
pcjs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2012, 06:45 AM   #5
ssand23's Avatar
ssand23
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 3,820
Thank you! I'm open to all suggestions here.

We live in an upstairs apt (it's a 2 bedroom apt & we are very low on room) & we don't have our own yard or outside area. Our front door opens to a flight of stairs. There is a courtyard out our front door but it is wide open to the street so he needs someone up his butt outside & then has a massive tantrum to go back inside. I am trying to think if there are any alternatives.

We had a big food set back so we're back to rice Krispies only. He has very severe allergies (no dairy, soy, eggs, wheat, all nuts are out, beans, bananas, squash, peas), plus some sensory & oral motor issues. We tried rice cakes but he can't chew them & throws them back up later. He has ketotic hypoglycemia & vomiting throws his sugars off easily. Pretty much, mushy foods are vomited instantly & anything that needs chewing, he can't chew it & throws it up a little later. Rice Krispies pass since they kind of melt in your mouth with out chewing. If he gets sick, we have to go to the ER for IV meds since he can't swallow those. I've been starting to wonder if the head butting isn't part of a sensory problem.

-mom to 3 big girls (9, 12 & 18 ) & 1 little guy (26 months)
__________________
Stephanie,
Mom to my girls ('94), ('99) & ('02)
And my little guy (12/09)
ssand23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2012, 08:27 AM   #6
badmisterkitty's Avatar
badmisterkitty
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,649
Re: Toddler help needed please!

In reference to the "preferred parent," our oldest was a daddy's girl for a LONG time, but as she got older I was able to meet her needs better than dad could. Our youngest is currently going through her daddy's girl phase. I expect she'll swing my way later, too. So don't worry too much about that right now. It could change easily over the years.
__________________
Amy ~ Everything in moderation, WOH, glass half full, not committed to any labels, try, try again mama to 3! H 11/07 and M 8/10 and B 8/12
badmisterkitty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2012, 10:57 AM   #7
pcjs's Avatar
pcjs
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,206
Re: Toddler help needed please!

The head banging could be he's in pain and trying to tell you with all the food allergies and other stuff. I would get to a good allergist and insist they test him somehow. His food issues sound more medical then any disorder or stubborn toddler. As long as he is still on formula, just keep pushing that. I wouldn't push food until you figure out what exactly he can eat without making him sick as if he associates sick with eating, of course he doesn't want to eat. If you don't like what the allergist or other specialist has to say, get another opinion till you find the one that works for you.
__________________
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :
pcjs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2012, 12:06 PM   #8
chello's Avatar
chello
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Saskatchewan girl
Posts: 2,039
My Mood:
Re: Toddler help needed please!

I agree it sounds like he has a lot of pent up energy. And it sounds like he could use something to challenge his mind. I'm sorry I don't have any practical suggestions though. But I just wanted to say that DH used to run head on into walls for fun when he was little, and he's perfectly normal now.
__________________
4 in 5 years, what were we thinking? July 07, April 09, Nov 10, and August 12
chello is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.