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Old 03-22-2012, 11:27 AM   #1
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Please help with tantrums

I'm at the end of my rope. Idk what to do. My girls were never this bad. Any advice would be great.

Kandy (I can't spell, and my phone can't either)

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Old 03-22-2012, 11:31 AM   #2
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Re: Please help with tantrums

Maybe he is sensing your upset? I know my LOs are very intuitive and the more out of control I feel the more out of control they behave.
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Old 03-22-2012, 11:34 AM   #3
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Re: Please help with tantrums

Has anything changed recently? My DD started throwing horrible tantrums just after DH went back to work last week. He had been laid off since Dec. and when "her" routine changed the tantrums started.
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Old 03-22-2012, 11:41 AM   #4
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Yes I'm stressed. Very much.

No change in routine. He wont be 2 till April. And they have been coming for over 3 months and are getting worse.

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Old 03-22-2012, 01:25 PM   #5
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Re: Please help with tantrums

I've been there. . .am there. It's really hard, but I try to stay calm myself and offer him compassion and connection. I try to say "you're feeling angry b/c ____" and then say "I'm here to hug you when you're ready."
Here is some food for thought:
‎"When it feels safe enough to show their feelings, children who feel upset run to the nearest loved one for help. they cry and release the knot of fear and grief they feel. The adult who listens and allows the child to "fall apart" gives the child a huge gift - enough caring and love to allow her to heal from the feelings that make life hard for her." ~ Patty Wipfler

and some helpful links! the first one especially is great.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2...-not-defiance/

http://couragezone.com/blog/?p=155
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Old 03-22-2012, 01:26 PM   #6
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Re: Please help with tantrums

dp
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Old 03-22-2012, 02:20 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kismetbaby
I've been there. . .am there. It's really hard, but I try to stay calm myself and offer him compassion and connection. I try to say "you're feeling angry b/c ____" and then say "I'm here to hug you when you're ready."
Here is some food for thought:
‎"When it feels safe enough to show their feelings, children who feel upset run to the nearest loved one for help. they cry and release the knot of fear and grief they feel. The adult who listens and allows the child to "fall apart" gives the child a huge gift - enough caring and love to allow her to heal from the feelings that make life hard for her." ~ Patty Wipfler

and some helpful links! the first one especially is great.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/10/30/seeing-tantrums-as-distress-not-defiance/

http://couragezone.com/blog/?p=155
Thank you. Those words touched my heart.

Kandy (I can't spell, and my phone can't either)
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Old 03-22-2012, 02:29 PM   #8
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Re: Please help with tantrums

My Ds has tantrums,, they started getting worse when i increased my class load form 1 every 8 weeks to 3, needless to say i dropped down to 1 class after the 8 weeks ended. Sometimes when i remind him that i can understand him when he's screaming he will calm down enough to try and explain what is wrong. Other times he just screams louder! Good luck!!
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Old 03-22-2012, 02:46 PM   #9
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Re: Please help with tantrums

Quote:
Originally Posted by kismetbaby View Post
I've been there. . .am there. It's really hard, but I try to stay calm myself and offer him compassion and connection. I try to say "you're feeling angry b/c ____" and then say "I'm here to hug you when you're ready."
Here is some food for thought:
‎"When it feels safe enough to show their feelings, children who feel upset run to the nearest loved one for help. they cry and release the knot of fear and grief they feel. The adult who listens and allows the child to "fall apart" gives the child a huge gift - enough caring and love to allow her to heal from the feelings that make life hard for her." ~ Patty Wipfler

and some helpful links! the first one especially is great.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2...-not-defiance/

http://couragezone.com/blog/?p=155
This.

We've entered meltdown city within the past few weeks. I get down to his level and validate his feelings. Like, if he's upset that dinner isn't ready this.exact.moment, I'll say, "You're upset because you are hungry and want to eat." Then I'll ask him to help me get things ready (like getting his fork out of the drawer, getting a cutting board, etc) or offer him some fruit or a veggie if it has been awhile since he ate. If he's standing on the oven drawer, which is something we don't want him to do, and we tell him he needs to get down...he'll get upset. So instead, we'll offer him to be able to sit on the counter to help.

We don't do time-outs, but if he's having a super melt down, we'll do a "time in", with cuddles and talking on the couch. That will usually calm him down.

I guess overall, we try not to view it as "bad" behavior, but rather him being frustrated. He can't verbalize what he is feeling, so getting frustrated and screaming is how he communicates that he is upset about something. We don't ignore the behavior. I try to remind myself to just breathe and to remember that this too shall pass.

Good luck! If nothing else, know that you're not alone!
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Old 03-22-2012, 03:44 PM   #10
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Re: Please help with tantrums

At that age, your child is probably frightened of his own tantrums. They get to the point where they have lost control. I do this:

When they are screaming, yelling, losing their minds (my daughter sometimes would literally froth at the mouth and bang her head into the floor and walls), I sit down near them and hold my arms out until they give me a sign they are ready to be held. I comfort them and hold them and help them get back under control. THEN I deal with any discipline issues. But when they are that upset, they cannot be reasoned with, and will not understand punishment or discipline. They need our help to get control of themselves again. It really seems to help.
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