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Old 03-26-2012, 07:32 AM   #11
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Going from 1 to 2 is definitely difficult, but you will adjust quickly. Now that my two are 10 months and 2.5 its much easier. The big is really good at playing with the little so I am finally able to get things done or have a few minutes to relax. They both love each other so much! My thought is that once the baby is here you won't regret it, but if you don't have another you might always think of the what ifs, kwim? Good luck mama, it's a hard decision to make!

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Old 03-26-2012, 07:38 AM   #12
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Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

It's tough getting over the big decision to have another child when you thought 1 would be plenty. There's nothing wrong with having 1 child, but having more then 1 opens up a whole new world for both you and your children. DD#1 is 5, DS#2 is just a few weeks shy of 3, and DD#3 is due in July. The routine went a complete overhaul after we added my son, but that's okay, because things change as your kids get older no matter how many that you have. I do have less time to lavish on DD then I did when it was just her, but I don't think she minds. She keeps telling me that we're going to have 4 kids! She was supposed to be cleaning up her room on Saturday morning (the usual routine) and instead I found her and her little brother laying together on her bean bag chair. She was reading one of their favorite stories to him. That is one of the moments I am so glad we decided not to stop at one (or two). Don't get me wrong, they have their moments where they won't quit picking on each other and where the noise level is just a bit too high for my poor abused ears, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
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Old 03-26-2012, 07:49 AM   #13
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Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

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Sibling bond really is amazing! I have six siblings, but we aren't close at all. We were basically raised in foster care, and we were split up. So I had no idea how special the bond between siblings can be. Even on the days where DS1 and DS2 do nothing but fight, they are still best friends and take care of each other. For example, the other day was one of those days where they were at each other's throats... but then DS2 fell down and hit his head... DS1 immediately got him his blanket and stuffed monkey, and was hugging him, making sure he felt okay. Of course, 10 minutes later they were back to fighting... but those few minutes of tenderness were amazing .

I have two brothers, one much older and the other quite close. I love them, but we are in no way close. And they never played with me when I was little, we just weren't like that. Dh has one brother, and they are not close, either. So, this is a whole new world to me, with siblings who play and are close. I was just saying to DH on the weekend that I hope they will stay close as they age. It is really amazing.
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Old 03-26-2012, 07:54 AM   #14
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Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

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I think siblings are SO important. DH was an only child and I truly believe that his biggest character flaws would be non issues had he had a sibling lol. )
I feel the same way about my husband!

My husband DID NOT ever want children in the first place, but it was okay because I really didn't have the desire either. It took months for me to get used to the idea during my first pregnancy, but then my maternal side that I didn't know existed took over and it was great. I knew after giving birth that I wanted another child, but my husband would have been happy with just one. I have two siblings and couldn't fathom not having a brother and sister, so I made it clear that I wanted one more, preferrably after our daughter was 2.
She was 15 months old when I found out I was pregnant, and my husband was NOT happy. He thought I had tricked him into another child, when really I just made a mess of FAM, haha. Anyway, our son is 1 week old today, and I honestly think that my husband is handling it really well- maybe even better than after our first was born.
Our daughter is only 26 months, but very nurturing, and she LOVES her little brother. She really hasn't acted very jealous, other than a few instances. I'm very proud of both of them, actually!
I think it's healthier for children to have a sibling, emotionally and psychologically. It's cliche, but the only-children that I know (I'm speaking of my husband and SIL, mainly), have some issues that I think would really have been helped out by the presence of a brother or sister.
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Old 03-26-2012, 08:03 AM   #15
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either way its a difficult decision to make.

When I had my second someone told me "what your children lose in a parent they gain in a sibling." You will spread yourself a little more thin but its amazing if thats what you choose.

ETA: i'm an only child and really wanted my children to have siblings. I didnt love being an only child....
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Old 03-26-2012, 08:29 AM   #16
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Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

I have a cousin who had her 1st at 38. She was also her career. But soon she was pregnant with her 2nd and she went from being her career to being a mom first. Her and her SIL both gave up good careers (cousin I am talking about was a well known traffic reporter.) Her husband is a few years older than her and both are enjoying being parents over their old lives.
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Old 03-26-2012, 08:48 AM   #17
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When DS was born, DD was 21 months old. When I was pregnant with DS, I had a lot of concerns about how I could care for both of them, especially since DD seemed to be so dependent on me. But like PP mentioned, it's tough to picture your kid growing up at the same. It's amazing, actually, how different she was from the time I got pregnant to when he was born. Sure, she still needs me but now at 2.5 years old, she's becoming more and more independent. She can put on her own shoes and socks, mostly dress herself, hop into her car seat, etc. DS is now 9 months old and things are becoming more manageable. I won't lie, two is tough, especially when they are young but you adjust.

I was also concerned about how it would be possible to love another baby as much as I love DD or how I could love two of them as intensely but you do. I remember when DD first met DS. She had the hugest grin on her face and she just said "baby". It sounds cheesy but I could almost feel my heart grow wider.

I have also worked hard to try to get their afternoon naps coordinated together and having a loose schedule helps with that. It doesn't always work but I usually manage a bit of overlap.

DH is almost 42, I'm 38. And yes, we are tired. But I think we'd still be tired if we were younger. I really don't think age is an issue, just that we hear more cracking sounds when get down on the floor with our kids We also try to take turns over the weekend in watching the kids so one of us can sleep in or take a nap or just get a bit of break.
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Old 03-26-2012, 08:54 AM   #18
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Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

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When DS was born, DD was 21 months old. When I was pregnant with DS, I had a lot of concerns about how I could care for both of them, especially since DD seemed to be so dependent on me. But like PP mentioned, it's tough to picture your kid growing up at the same. It's amazing, actually, how different she was from the time I got pregnant to when he was born. Sure, she still needs me but now at 2.5 years old, she's becoming more and more independent. She can put on her own shoes and socks, mostly dress herself, hop into her car seat, etc. DS is now 9 months old and things are becoming more manageable. I won't lie, two is tough, especially when they are young but you adjust.

I was also concerned about how it would be possible to love another baby as much as I love DD or how I could love two of them as intensely but you do. I remember when DD first met DS. She had the hugest grin on her face and she just said "baby". It sounds cheesy but I could almost feel my heart grow wider.

I have also worked hard to try to get their afternoon naps coordinated together and having a loose schedule helps with that. It doesn't always work but I usually manage a bit of overlap.

DH is almost 42, I'm 38. And yes, we are tired. But I think we'd still be tired if we were younger. I really don't think age is an issue, just that we hear more cracking sounds when get down on the floor with our kids We also try to take turns over the weekend in watching the kids so one of us can sleep in or take a nap or just get a bit of break.
I'm 25, DH is 33. We're both exhausted. Age has nothing to do with it .
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Old 03-26-2012, 09:29 AM   #19
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If you we're to get pregnant now your 1st would basically be two you would pretty much have another helper and watching them play, eat and interact with each other is the best thing ever. I can't imagine living without my brother as a child or my kids not having each other.
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Old 03-26-2012, 09:49 AM   #20
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Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

My brothers and I fought so much growing up lol. I wonder sometimes how the youngest is normal now, we picked on him so much. However, we all still get along and talk regularly. We are a little more spread out geographically than I'd like but I know if I needed them they'd be there. My childhood wouldn't have been as great without them. I feel like your DH is much more unlikely to regret having a second child than you regretting NOT having the second. Kids are exhausting no matter how old the parents are lol. I'm in bed at 10pm every night just to get in 7hrs before they wake up.
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