Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-26-2012, 09:51 AM   #21
OneDayAtATime's Avatar
OneDayAtATime
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,363
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by hikergal73
DH is almost 42, I'm 38. And yes, we are tired. But I think we'd still be tired if we were younger. I really don't think age is an issue, just that we hear more cracking sounds when get down on the floor with our kids We also try to take turns over the weekend in watching the kids so one of us can sleep in or take a nap or just get a bit of break.
So very true. DH and I are both 23 and we are still both exhausted.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

Advertisement

__________________
SAHM to two wild boys, a toddler and a preschooler. Expecting our third and last, a sweet little GIRL due July 2013. Taking each day as it comes and trying to avoid labels.
OneDayAtATime is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 10:24 AM   #22
Janine's Avatar
Janine
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 8,085
My Mood:
To be perfectly honest, going from 1 kid to 2 completely kicked my butt. I thought worst case scenario it would be twice as hard as one kid, but it was much harder than even that and my second is quite mellow. We were set on having 2 max, but having 2 really sealed the deal for me. I'm just starting to catch my breath a year later. Now that he is 1 it is starting to ease up a little though. They are starting to play together now, and my oldest does enjoy having him around. It is worth it when I see them together. Much harder, but worth it. I have hopes that 2 won't be much harder than 1 when my youngest gets a little older. Time will tell. Admittedly I do much better with toddlers/preschoolers than I do with infants.

My DH will be turning 41 this month. For him, age was a big deal. Not so much the idea that "I'm too old to chase babies", but more so the fact that he worried about being in their life for a substantial amount of time. His grandfather died in his 50s, so he is always worried that if he died young too his kids would grow up without him. And so he doesn't want to have kids too late in life. To me 40 is no biggie, but rational or not, it worries him quite a lot.
__________________
Janine. Happy atheist, vegan, punk rock-loving scientist. Wife to the love of my life Matthew (SAHD), mom to DD "E" (4), baby boy "K" (2). Proud stepmom to DSS "M" (26)

Last edited by Janine; 03-26-2012 at 10:28 AM.
Janine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 11:46 AM   #23
~Sherry~'s Avatar
~Sherry~
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,301
Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

I wanted to add that DD1 could have been an old child, she wasn't the happiest baby. Reflux, milk intolerances, crying 23 hours a day for the first 5-6 weeks. I did NOT want to go through that again. We weren't trying, weren't preventing for DD2. But ever she was born she has been the polar opposite of her big sister. She cried less than 1 hour a day as a newborn, she was just a happy baby. She's still really easy going, talks to anyone that will listen. B doesn't like change, won't speak to people.
~Sherry~ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 11:56 AM   #24
TalkinBoutMyGirl's Avatar
TalkinBoutMyGirl
~Love~
sitesupporter
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 13,178
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by spencerrn
IMO the greatest gift you can give your daughter is a sibling. She is young enough that she will not remember being an only child. She may lose your undivided attention but she will gain a playmate. I think learning to share from a young age is so helpful to children.

I also think when I am old and need to be cared for it will be easier for my children to share the care vs it all falling to one child.

I will admit I felt very guilty for awhile when I had my 2nd that my 1st wasn't getting the same attention but he is almost 12 and he begs for more siblings. LOL
Great post! I totally agree. I hate that I am an only child. Another child wont be easy but sooo worth it. I don't think your age has jack to do with it. My BFF just had her 3rd at 39, my aunt her second at 35, another friend her 6th I think at around 42. Maybe have a real sit down heart to heart with your husband.
__________________
Anna - Gazelle intense with mywife Rachel and Hailey (6) our little
Swag with Me!
TalkinBoutMyGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 03:19 PM   #25
GreyMum's Avatar
GreyMum
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,051
My Mood:
Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

Thanks for all of the replies, ladies. I will keep talking to him about it, and will emphasize how important I think it is for our little girl to have a sibling.

He has said things in the past, in addition to being exhausted, that he is concerned he won't be around for things like her college graduation, marriage, etc.

I do think he has money worries too (though they are completely unfounded!) because he is very motivated by money (likes to keep track of it, uses quicken, invests, saves aggressively for retirement, which he has always said he wants to be early.) I try to tell him that we'll save a ton by re-using all of our daughter's stuff :-). He worries more about saving for college, bigger expenses, etc.

I think I really need to focus on the positives for him. When I see him with our daughter, and see how wonderful he is with her, my heart always stops a bit, like I think he's going to say, ok, I think we should have another. Instead, when I bring it up at those times, he will say something like - how could we need another when she's so perfect.

We have talked about it a great deal. He knows how I am and that I will keep bringing it up. He knows that it breaks me apart every month when another cycle has passed. Sigh.
GreyMum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 03:24 PM   #26
GreyMum's Avatar
GreyMum
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,051
My Mood:
Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

Quote:
Originally Posted by EmsMom View Post
My brothers and I fought so much growing up lol. I wonder sometimes how the youngest is normal now, we picked on him so much. However, we all still get along and talk regularly. We are a little more spread out geographically than I'd like but I know if I needed them they'd be there. My childhood wouldn't have been as great without them. I feel like your DH is much more unlikely to regret having a second child than you regretting NOT having the second. Kids are exhausting no matter how old the parents are lol. I'm in bed at 10pm every night just to get in 7hrs before they wake up.
I think that is VERY TRUE. I had never thought of it that way, but yes, I agree. I will bring this point up the next time we talk.
GreyMum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 03:47 PM   #27
hikergal73's Avatar
hikergal73
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 1,007
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreyMum
Thanks for all of the replies, ladies. I will keep talking to him about it, and will emphasize how important I think it is for our little girl to have a sibling.

He has said things in the past, in addition to being exhausted, that he is concerned he won't be around for things like her college graduation, marriage, etc.

I do think he has money worries too (though they are completely unfounded!) because he is very motivated by money (likes to keep track of it, uses quicken, invests, saves aggressively for retirement, which he has always said he wants to be early.) I try to tell him that we'll save a ton by re-using all of our daughter's stuff :-). He worries more about saving for college, bigger expenses, etc.

I think I really need to focus on the positives for him. When I see him with our daughter, and see how wonderful he is with her, my heart always stops a bit, like I think he's going to say, ok, I think we should have another. Instead, when I bring it up at those times, he will say something like - how could we need another when she's so perfect.

We have talked about it a great deal. He knows how I am and that I will keep bringing it up. He knows that it breaks me apart every month when another cycle has passed. Sigh.
Hmmm... I think our DH's must be related He is also very obsessed with finances and has same concerns about college educations. Even though college tuitions are scary expensive, I also think there are ways to make it work - like doing community college for a couple years and transferring. Plus not every kid will necessarily go to college (he hates when I say this but not everyone is academically inclined and that's okay).

As far not be around later in life, my dad was 43 when I was born (I have one older brother). Well, at 78 years old, he danced at my wedding and at 81, he plays with both his grandkids. My FIL, on the other hand, died tragically and unexpectedly in his 60's before DD was born. I guess what I am trying to say is that you never know when your number is up and it shouldn't stop you from having more kids.
__________________
Mary, wife to the Big Z (11/08/08)
Mom to the little girl Z (9/30/09) and little boy Z (6/24/11)
hikergal73 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 04:16 PM   #28
iris0110's Avatar
iris0110
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: N TX
Posts: 14,991
My Mood:
Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

My father insisted that I had to have a sibling because he hated growing up an only child. I hated growing up with a sibling. My brother and I did not get along then and quite frankly as adults we are not close. We see each other weekly because I am close with my parents and so is he but when my parents are gone there will be nothing left to keep us together. Dh has 3 siblings and sees them a couple of times a year despite living close to all of them. The idea that you are giving your children a great gift or a friend for life by giving them a sibling may be a bit of an over estimation. There are plenty of siblings out there that are close, but it is not a guarantee. Parents ultimately decide to have more than one child because they want more than one child.

I had every intention of my oldest being an only child (I hadn't really wanted kids at all to be honest). I disliked growing up with a sibling and didn't want to take away from Kearnan's childhood. When he turned out to have complicated needs it just cemented my feelings. Then the condom failed and I got pregnant. I was miserable about it for weeks before I finally came around to the idea of having a second child. As far as I could tell Kearnan was excited. Then my daughter was stillborn. I decided to try for another pregnancy not because I thought Kearnan needed a sibling but because I wanted to have a baby. Tharen was born 2 years later. For me having 2 was more than twice as hard as having 1. Despite Kearnan being 4.5 years old when his baby brother was born and past some of the rougher points of his diagnosis process things were hard. Tharen was colicky (until we figured out he has a milk allergy) and a difficult baby. Kearnan had countless therapy appts that were hard to navigate with a newborn in tow. Kearnan was more than happy to help out and Tharen adored him but it wasn't easy. Those first few months kicked my butt and I had to make choices I never wanted to make. I was sure I had really ruined Kearnan's life by adding another baby to the family.

The boys are 10 and 6 now and some days I still wonder what I was thinking. Their personalities are night and day. Sure it is pretty easy managing a 10 and 6 year old most of the time (you know if you don't count the Autism and the possible ODD). Kearnan would have been the ideal only child but Tharen would have been miserable. Unfortunately because Tharen never wants to be alone he makes his brother miserable by trying to be with him all.of.the.time. They do adore each other though. It is really fun to see them together and in the end it is good for Kearnan to learn to get along with some one else, especially some one so different from himself personality wise. Lately they are asking when they can have a baby sister...Um...yeah...

ETA: My Brother also made the decision to only have one child at least partially because he wasn't fond of growing up as a sibling. Perhaps it is a "grass is always greener" thing though.
__________________
ShannonInk'd, Atheist, Liberal, Part Time Large Equipment Mechanic, HS-ing, Mum to ASD Ninja Kearnan (8-4-01) & Derby Boy Tharen (12-1-05)
Always remembering Arawyn Born Silently (12-21-03)
Crocheted longies/shorties, toys and more see samples Arawyn's Garden Crochet
iris0110 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 05:15 PM   #29
isabelsmummy
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 3,728
Re: How to manage with 2 babies or when mom wants another and dad is happy with just

I have two girls - 7 & 2. I love their relationship. Even if they aren't close as they grow up I think being close now teaches a person a lot about how to have a relationship.

I have a brother I'm not close to but as my parents get older at least I'm not going to be the only person who will help them. And I feel better knowing that when I am old I am not forcing dd1 to be the only person who feels that weight of responsibility (of course her sister could grow up to be a horrible person who ignores me!) . Where I live there are a LOT of only children. I think a little less parental attention would be a good thing for them actually! There is no reason for an only child to be indulged so much but it seems to happen that way a lot.

But I will say... life with 2 means you can't pretend you don't have kids. With 1 child, it's pretty easy to escape and still have a life. It's easy to take one child to things that are not really child friendly, but not so much with 2. So I potentially do see where your DH is coming from.

Good luck!
isabelsmummy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2012, 06:13 PM   #30
Janine's Avatar
Janine
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 8,085
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by isabelsmummy

But I will say... life with 2 means you can't pretend you don't have kids. With 1 child, it's pretty easy to escape and still have a life. It's easy to take one child to things that are not really child friendly, but not so much with 2.
I agree with this. And this is probably what has been the hardest for me in these early years. While I used to incorporate my child into my activities, now with 2 it is just easier to just do kid-centered activities. Trips and vacations are much more centered around occupying the kids than before when I would plan a trip for me and just try to work my kid into it. As my friend (who is a father of 4) likes to say, "having one kid is a hobby". I don't think I realized how easy one child was until I had 2. While I used to think going shopping with one was near impossible, now going shopping with just one is a treat. And I'm sure the moms reading this thread who have 3, 4, 5, or more think I'm a complete pansy for saying 2 is tough. I know some people are just meant to have big families, and take it all in stride. I am not one of them. I say this not because I think 2 isn't worth it (because I love my baby boy, and wouldn't trade him for the world), but because for me 2 was so much harder than 1, even with an easy baby. And it has been very stressful for my DH as well. I know other women on this forum barely skipped a beat when they had their second. I think some people just adjust better. But for me it has been hard. Perhaps because I thought one was hard, so two just knocked me on my butt.
__________________
Janine. Happy atheist, vegan, punk rock-loving scientist. Wife to the love of my life Matthew (SAHD), mom to DD "E" (4), baby boy "K" (2). Proud stepmom to DSS "M" (26)

Last edited by Janine; 03-26-2012 at 06:16 PM.
Janine is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.