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Old 04-25-2007, 08:40 PM   #1
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Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

I apologize already if you are reading this post. I've let myself get a little worked up over this "duby" issue. I'm hormonal - just bear with me....
When Jonah was an infant, he would not take a pacifier. That was perfectly fine with me. Starting at 10 months, he started going to a sitter who has a son 2 months younger who does take a pacifier. Soon after, DS would take Jacob's paci and put it in his mouth to bite on it (he was teething) so I started sending a pacifier and other teethers for Jonah to chew on so he wouldn't take Jacob's. Not a problem, right?
Jonah is now 18 months and constantly wants his "duby" I'm not sure at what point it went from chewing on the paci to sucking on the paci- but the past 2 or so months have been a real change. Jonah went from wanting his "duby" when he saw it out, to actively searching and constantly asking for his "duby". He now will cry and cry if we put him to bed without it, go through the diaper bag at any time to get a "duby", and even try to eat with it in his mouth.
We are now down to 1 nursing a day (if that- I have no milk left- 6 mo preg, it's a comfort nurse). Could this have anything to do with wanting the "duby"?
He's been growing up so fast and developing so quickly.... could this have anything to do with needing the "duby"?
At 18 months does he have a need to suck? Does he 'need' a "duby" or does he just 'want' his "duby. I feel like such a mean mommy if I don't give him his "duby" at nighttime- but also feel like an enabler for giving it to him. It wasn't exactly a habit I meant to let happen.
I guess I don't care if he uses a pacifier except that I don't like to see it in his mouth constantly. Or should I worry about his teeth too?
I'm only working for another 5 weeks and then I'll be a SAHM . Should I let this go on and then stop it when he's not around Jacob anymore? Should I try to stop this now? Or should I not care and let him have his "duby" and just expect that he'll give it up when he's ready?
Any thoughts are well appreciated!!

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Old 04-25-2007, 08:44 PM   #2
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Re: Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

I don't have any advice, but . . . .
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Old 04-25-2007, 08:59 PM   #3
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Re: Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

Hmmm, thats a tough one.

Re: the need to suck. This is related to the immune system, actually. I'm going to go and try and find the article, but at the moment I'm nursing...lol

I think as a soceity we often don't realise that the need to suck extends well into the toddler years.

If you only have around 3 months of pregnancy left, I would let the paci thing be, and try and nurse tons more once you're home and then once your milk comes in for the new baby.

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Old 04-25-2007, 09:03 PM   #4
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Re: Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

i don't know my dd is 19 months old and still uses a pacifier. She only uses it for nap time and bed time and when shes sick its an orthodontic one so im ok as long as shes not walking around with it in her mouth all day. I would wait until he's not going to the babysitter anymore and then maybe tell him he can only have it for night night time (thats what we tell dd when she wants hers)
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Old 04-25-2007, 10:06 PM   #5
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Re: Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

Honestly at 18 months, a pacifier isn't a big deal imo. I had one until I was 4.5 years old! I don't like them, but if my son needed one, I'd let him have it. I would, however, limit it to nap/bedtime and car trips (if needed).

And trying to ditch it in the midst of having a new baby is NOT a good idea, kwim? Everything else is changing, he's going to need his comfort item. Taking it away right then would be kind of mean to me.
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Old 04-25-2007, 10:17 PM   #6
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Re: Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

Really try to limit it, because it interfers with speech. Let him have it as little as you can handle.
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Old 04-25-2007, 10:20 PM   #7
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Re: Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

I am very relaxed about this stuff. I don't see the big deal about having a paci at that age.
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Old 04-25-2007, 10:49 PM   #8
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Re: Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

I dont have any personal advice on this because my DD had no interest in a paci and my Ds quit his on his own at 4 months. My SIL on the other hand had a hard time getting my niece to stop. Her biggest problem was that like you she was due to have another baby and planned on using the paci for the new baby and didnt think she could take the paci away from my niece but still have her see the baby taking one. Basically she let her continue to use it on a limited basis until the baby came and then once the baby came she tried to emphasize that the baby used a paci but a big girl didnt need one. My niece liked the sound of being a big girl and she quit soon after. Maybe you could try that with you DS or if you want to quit now "loose" the paci. If there isnt one that he can find around the house then he cant use it. He probably will not be so happy about that though. I hope you find a solution.
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Old 04-25-2007, 11:33 PM   #9
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Re: Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

I have a 19 month old who also needs his "hook". (comes from nuk) As he's gotten older I've started limiting it to sleepy times, and directly after sleepy times when he's still in that little "cloudy" state. However, DH always wants to make him happy and has on occasion used it as a quick fix when DS is upset. What I've noticed is that when the routine gets broken is when he starts wanting it more. For example, DS always takes a bath before bed, and he was particularly tired one night and a bit fussy in the tub so DH gave him his "hook". And for the next 4-5 days, as soon as he got in the bath all he would talk about is how he wanted his "hook". He got rather upset a few of the times too. Still, sometimes if he spots it somewhere during the day he'll want it and get a bit fussy. I'm not sure why, but if I acknowledge the fact that he wants it, and tell him no (in his language, and a friendly, "matter of fact" tone) he will seem okay with it and forget about it pretty quickly. However, keeping them out of sight to begin with is always a better idea.

I'm not sure if any of this will work for you, but I hope it helps somewhat! Make sure you let us know how things progress.
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Old 04-25-2007, 11:38 PM   #10
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Re: Pacifier question- explanation probably longer than it needs to be

Well, my mom does daycare and her rule has always been once the baby is old enough to be up playing with the other kids, the paci is only for naptime. She can't stand the notion of kids swapping pacis and she's just mean like that! Over the years, there have been MANY parents that told her their kids were totally hooked on the paci and had to have it all the time but she just made it very clear from the start that at her house, the rule was that pacifiers were only for naptime. It's always funny to watch the kids come in inthe morning and just hand over the paci without a blink knowing that they fight their parents for it.

Knowing that, if it were me, I'd probably leave things be at the sitter for now and when you start staying home, then you can work on the new rules. DJ went through a phase of wanting a paci about the same age as your son (he never took one as a baby either except occasionally to chew on while teething) and dh (that means *dumb* husband by the way!) would give it to him all the time. I don't really have a problem with kids having a paci per se but it wasn't a habit I wanted to start at almost 2yo if you know what I mean. So I just told him that he didn't need the paci while he was down playing. If he wanted to sit in my lap and rock or something he could have it but when he got down to play, the paci was put away. That was the rule and it was not negotiable. He's never been one to sit still for more than about 10 seconds at a time and he gave it up pretty easily. James has been a paci baby since he was born and dh and I both wondered if getting it away from him would be a big deal but I don't really think it will. Like I said, at mom's house, once he started playing with the other kids, she started only giving it to him at naptime. At home, I'm bad and let him have it sometimes when he's playing if he's a little cranky but mostly it's just for bedtime.

Good luck and don't stress too much about it...no matter what you do, things are going to turn upside down when the new baby gets here. It will get better though...
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