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Old 04-01-2012, 09:40 PM   #1
donnyandmelissa
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Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

We spank our kids. I am starting to regret my decision. But here is the thing. I can't stand disobedience, disrespect, etc. I may come off as rude but I don't want to let my kids walk all over me for the sake of them "being themselves" I have heard.

My #1 complaint is repeating myself. I don't want to have to tell my 4 yr old over and over to eat and not play, sing, talk at the table. (she is skinny and actually just this past month got to the 4th percentile she was prescribed pediasure and a special diet) So am I mean for forcing her to eat. If it were up to her she would sit there for an hour and not be done.

There are so many things that I feel silly spanking her for but they are clearly not working in our house. For example...

My 8 month old refuses to nurse unless there is complete silence. She runs and jumps and sings. I tell her for 10 minutes I need you to sit down and do puzzles or read books. Nope.

No running in church because... there are a lot of elderly people who can get hurt if you bump into them. (which has happend) No matter how many times I tell her she RUNS.

Whining. She whines if she is bored, hungry, you name it if she wants it she whines.

So here is the problem. If we don't spank then what works? Time out does NOT work for her. She could stand there all day.

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Old 04-01-2012, 09:43 PM   #2
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

Subbing because I'm curious...
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:46 PM   #3
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

me too!

I dont want to spank, but sometimes I dont know what else to do...
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:49 PM   #4
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

I am no expert and I only have 1 DS who is 2. He listens as much as a 2 yo is capable of listening. Lol. But I do a lot of getting down at his level and talking to him and explaining things. If he can't listen I physically help him. I.e: p get in your car seat please. Doesn't do it, ask again and give him a choice, either he gets in or I help him. Usually he will get in. Sometimes I have to help. I think validating their feelings and getting to their level is important. They at people. Not obedient servants ( not implying you think that )
The eating thing is hard. I know my toddler doesn't like to sit for long. He eats on the move a lot. Maybe she is needing more attention. The book Love and logic for toddlers is awesome. They respond well to choices. Ther is a really great thread on this site from a very informative mama. I can not for the life of me remember what its called, if someone knows what I'm talking about please provide a link! It's really inspiring. GL mama.
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:49 PM   #5
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How do you do time out? Just curious. What does she do when you spank? What does she do when you make a request?
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:50 PM   #6
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

Can you take things away from her?
Give her a sticker for a chart every time she does obey..get 5 stickers she gets a $ store toy.
Give her $1 in nickels. Every time she disobeys, she gives you a nickel. At end of the day whatever is left she can spend on -- at dollar stir or drug store candy.
Marbles in a jar, try to fill it p...small jar though. You need quick success and easy rewards at first.
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:53 PM   #7
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

Whining at first I model the correct way to say whatever she's saying. Then move to asking her to say it correctly or use a big girl voice. Then I ignore if she's whining after I remind her to use if girl voice.

I let both of my kids eat and play. it's developmentally inappropriate to expect that small children will sit and eat like an adult or older child.
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:54 PM   #8
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I guess I don't see how spanking is making them listen if they continue to do the things they're spanked for?

I rarely spank. I usually regret when I do because it was out of anger. My dd (she's 4 also) does very well when she's talked to calmly and its followed with positive comments about her good behavior. For example if I tell her to stop running in the house. After I witness her continuing to walk I say I like the way you're walking in the house.

My two year old is a different story. I don't spank him tho. I also don't want him to learn its ok to hit people. At two I don't believe he can comprehend that's its ok for mommy to hit him but not ok for him to hit others.
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Old 04-01-2012, 09:59 PM   #9
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

IMO children will repeat behaviors that get them the most attention; even if that is negative attention.
My 6.5year old has spent her whole life barely on the charts. She eats when she is hungry and since she is developing mentally I have no concerns about her size nor does her doctor. I do not fight food battles, if you don't eat you will need to wait until the next meal.
Whining is not responded to in my house. If you whine I will not respond plain and simple; my children still whine on occasion but when I walk away or do not respond they switch to asking in a more appropriate way or moving on.
The making noise while you are nursing IMO seems like it is an issue that needs to be addressed more with you and the infant. She is 4, talking, dancing, singing is what she does. You could maybe move to another room or engage her in a positive activity prior to nursing. Also when she is engaged in positive behaviors make sure to give her attention for that even something simple like "thank you for sitting quietly"
The running, I would stop telling her what she can't do and tell her what she should do. "we use walking feet in church". If she still runs I would take her hand walk her back to the point she began running and again state "we use walking feet". I would and have done this repeatedly with my children
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Old 04-01-2012, 10:02 PM   #10
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

I didn't/don't spank and my kids don't walk all over me.
I just figured out what works with each kid and use that, it's different for each child. Oldest son, was fairly compliant I used time outs when he got out of hand, he didn't like that, I also found his currency and removed offending toys as need be. He was tougher to discipline than #2 and I did used to remove myself to the bathroom to cool off before I would start to get really upset and yell and go overboard. I used to have to tell him what was expected, give him lots of reminders, and do count downs to leaving places he didn't like to transition from one thing to another.
Ds#2 was very compliant, easy to talk to, I'd drop down to his level and talk quietly, tell him what I wanted what I expected. If things didn't go well I'd use reminders, time outs, remove toys.
Dd is my challenge She's dramatic, turns on tears, she has an answer for everything and an argument as to why she should be able to have something or do something. I have to tell her I already answered her question, don't answer back or argue it won't change my answer. She huff and stomps off often. I do have to remember to say yes occasionally or they get really pushy and argue more.
Number one thing is consistency, once you have said something you have to stick to it. If you said time out for 3 minutes, they must do it, even if they have to go back and sit and start over a dozen times and it takes 30 minutes to complete.
If you know she runs in Church, you have to set her up so she doesn't get the chance, she sits between you or has to hold hands. For Dd we carried the doggie back pack in my big bag till she was nearly 5, she was warned once and then told she'd be wearing the backpack, she only tried it twice and from then on listened when I said she'd wear the backpack if she didn't stay close.
Each child has a different personality and different little things will work for each, once you decide you won't spank you find things that work. I use whispering sometimes, it's funny, they will listen and whisper back.
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