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Old 04-04-2012, 01:50 PM   #51
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

We are a nonspanking family, and my kids are very well behaved. I know everyone says that, but mine really are. That being said, I admit at least 50% is it's just in their nature. They are natural rule followers.

The biggest difference I've noticed between my parenting styles and those that spank is that I do not let them get away with much of anything. I notice families in the store and and what not and they will tell their kids to stop the behavior 50 times before they go over and spank them. I only say it once, and then I make them stop, I don't repeat. If they are running, I make them hold my hand. If they are loud, I get down to their level and QUIETLY tell them they need to use inside voices. Kids will mimic your energy, so if you are yelling at them to lower their voices with visible frustration they are going to mimic that.

As for eating, I never make it an issue. Never, ever. I admit I am more protective over this issue than most. With the rate of eating disorders and all the pressure on young girls, I refuse to make food an issue. I too have a dd who hugged the bottom of the weight charts and at times fell completely off. So what. Somebody has to be at the bottom, not everybody has to or can be solidly 50%. I would ask your dr. how she can benefit by being at a higher weight. What exactly is going to happen when she reaches that magic number? She won't starve herself and you are just asking for weight/ body image issues at a lat date if you correlate violence with food or force her to eat when she is not hungry. Has she always been on the lower end of the growht charts? If so, you are likely not going to change biology. If she has'nt, and was close to the middle or higher and now has rapidly fallen , forcing food into her isn't going to solve anything. There is something else going on there. Set her plate down, make no comments what so ever about her eating habits and at the end of the meal (30 minutes or so) end the meal and that's that. She either eats or she doesn't. Kids will rarely eat 3 even meals a day. Some meals they pick at thei food and others they scarf down. If

Before you begin nursing the baby, remind her of the behavior you expect while you nurse. If she can't comply give her the warning and then tell her if she cannot be quiet and calm you will need to go to your room to nurse and she will need to stay there.

When all else fails, I try to channel my inner Michelle Duggar. If you've ever watched their show you know what i mean. She is always so calm, but she is assertive too and I have never heard her raise her voice.

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Last edited by Kanga; 04-04-2012 at 01:56 PM.
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Old 04-04-2012, 02:21 PM   #52
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That reminded me of a parent with an autistic kid with oral issues who uses a timer at meals. You have until the timer goes off and then you're done.

No arguing, no bargaining (from either side) and her son eats tons faster and better now.

But yeah, I can't agree more that food is not an argument issue. DD barely ate lunch, well, her afternoon snack will be all healthy and we just deal with it that way. Crackers and such are not offered when she still needs proteins or whatever
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Old 04-05-2012, 09:37 PM   #53
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

Talking, modeling, ODS went through a whiney phase, it was short lived. I told him I could not understand him when he spoke like that, and asked him to repeat it so I could understand him and help him with what he needed. It took a LOT of patience LOL, sometimes more than I had...but we all make mistakes, and learn from them. I used to use time outs, seemed like it was the thing to do. But eventually they lost their sizzle, he was just sitting there to sit, not learning anything from it, you know? So we do a lot of talking about good choices vs bad, not in the heat of the moment, because when tempers are high, he's tired, hungry, whatever...that is not the time for a learning experience. He can't process my rational discussions at that point, he needs to get out the frustration, calm down...then learning can begin. If it's after an incident, we talk about what he did, what that a good choice, what would have been a better one, how that made so and so feel, and what we can do to repair it. At the end of the day, my goal is to raise a thinking, feeling, empathetic, responsible adult. Not an obedient child.
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Old 04-06-2012, 07:09 PM   #54
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

DS is 18 months, but I have still LOVED and gotten a lot from Playful Parenting. It helps me remember that he's just a kid. I've had 30 years on this earth; he's had one and a half. There's no way he's going to know how to do everything I want him to do. And there are lots of things that he does naturally, and needs to explore. I really love Playful Parenting. I think everyone can get a lot out of it!
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Old 04-07-2012, 07:32 AM   #55
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Re: Parents who don't spank... who DO have obedient kids, how do you discipline?

my children are pretty good and no bribery or spanking(minimal and i want none) and no time outs. i agree with gordon neufeld. i treat my children with relationship instead and it works better than anything else i tried. my hands are for loving, i delight in their presence and it works. you can look him up on the internet. i love his explanation of why timeouts do not work
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