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Old 04-10-2012, 06:29 PM   #1
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DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

I hate that I'm even thinking about this. Here's the quick and easy to this isn't super long winded.

DH works nights, I work PT days a few days a week. Because of our schedules, he's often sleeping in the AM till shortly before I leave for work, and sometimes if he had a late night I will put DS down for his nap while DH is still sleeping, so DH can sleep that extra hr or so. Then I leave work at 6pm and DH leaves the house at about 6:20pm at the latest (I work 15 mins away). Because of this, sometimes we go days without really seeing eachother. It really stinks, but it is what it is.

It has taken a toll on our relationship. Date nights are difficult, money is tight (thus the PT job) and my family is being difficult about watching DS, we can't really afford and don't really trust a normal "baby sitter" per se, and DH's mom smokes like a chimney and has terrible health, she is completely and totally not an option.

We have a longtime family friend from my side of the family that has a small in home daycare, and kids DS's age. She only charges I believe $35/day for childcare. I think DS would really enjoy this. We would utilize the time to just spend TOGETHER. It would vary week to week. We have some yard projects we'd like to get done this year (lay new edging for some mulch beds, etc), we'd like to be able to go to lunch alone, see an afternoon movie once a month or so, even just walk around the mall without a toddler tempertantrum or whatever. We just have almost NO alone time, it's really put a stress on our relationship. I just had to talk to my boss about taking it easy on my hours because my "part time" job was getting a little over zealous about scheduling me for too many shifts or scheduling for x shift and needing me longer (which is NOT an option since I have to leave on time for DH to be at work on time).

Has anyone done something like this? Did you find the time helped, or were you just too guilty to enjoy it? Obviously this is geared that those who are SAHM's or part time workers only who don't otherwise use daycare. It is just so frustrating, because most couples with conventional jobs have each evening to see eachother alone when the kids go to bed, and weekends together where they both usually have them off. We haven't hardly had the same day off in who knows how long (I am working this out with my boss as well, who is trying to be helpful in that regard so I hope that ceases to be an issue in the near future).

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Old 04-10-2012, 06:41 PM   #2
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Re: DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

I would do it in your case. If I had someone I trusted to watch my child and could afford it, I would jump at it. DH and I have had non-traditional schedules and it does take a toll. Totally worth it one day a week at daycare to be able to connect with your husband. Don't feel guilty, your love created that child. It's worth nurturing too.
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:44 PM   #3
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Re: DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

I have never been in your situation, but I would do it if I thought it was what we needed. I think it would be very good for you. Time alone together is very important. And if you think your lo would like it then everyone wins. I would do it.
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Old 04-10-2012, 08:03 PM   #4
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Re: DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

I think it sounds like you NEED to do it. I am a SAHM and I use a mom's helper that lives across the street once a week for a few hours just to catch my breath. I wouldn't hesitate if you can afford it and you trust her!
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Old 04-10-2012, 09:05 PM   #5
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Re: DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

What's date night? We barely get things done around the house but now that our son is older, its a bit easier. I absolutely would consider it. The other option is a mother's day out program or if baby is two, they have two programs. Ones at co-ops are far cheaper and some let you pay your way out of co-oping. Its a nice little break for a few hours. We started at two as I didn't know about it but had I known I would have started earlier. My son loves the change of scenery.
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Old 04-10-2012, 09:17 PM   #6
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Re: DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

sounds good to me -your relationship is the most important thing to your family unit. I think- why not try it- if it isn't good then forget about it.
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Old 04-10-2012, 10:29 PM   #7
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Re: DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

I would do it. My parents worked opposite schedules and I totally think it took a toll on their relationship.
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Old 04-11-2012, 12:21 AM   #8
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Re: DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

I don't see any reason NOT to do it. You can't give your children anything better than parents with a good relationship.
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Old 04-11-2012, 12:52 AM   #9
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Re: DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

I totally would! DH wouldn't because he has massive issues about leaving our girls with anyone (of course, it didn't help that the last time we left the girls with a sitter, our older daughter was carrying our younger daughter, tripped, and our younger daughter caught the side of her eye lid on a toy box, leaving a cut that is now a scar--thank goodness it wasn't worse, could have been her eye!). We really do need something like this though because our marriage is definitely suffering from the lack of adult time. He's all for doing things as a family and wants to do things as a family all the time but I really need to adult time with him and he doesn't seem to get that.

So yeah, would totally go for it!
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Old 04-11-2012, 01:01 AM   #10
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Re: DC one day a week for alone time with DH? What do you think?

We are planning on it once I start working We were really into outdoorsy stuff pre-kids but don't do much now with the little ones. We are planning on taking a few hours a week to go rock climbing or doing a hike the kids can't go on. I'm a big believer in putting work into relationships and it's nice to get a break from the kids and de-stress.
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