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Old 04-12-2012, 10:27 AM   #11
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Re: DS1 hurt someone's feelings... WWYD?

If the Mom has let her stay home for over two days b/c of this this child is going to have MAJOR issues in a few years.

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Old 04-12-2012, 11:21 AM   #12
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Thanks mamas! I'm pretty sure DS1 and his friend didn't say anything mean enough to warrant staying home from school, but wasn't sure if I was just underestimating everything? Nice to see I'm not alone on that!

DS1 has apologized to his teacher, and actually told me this morning that he wants to draw the little girl a picture at art time... so hopefully she'll be back tomorrow, and everything will blow over. I'm going to suggest a meeting with the teacher and the other mom if the little girl continues to pick on DS1, though.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:23 AM   #13
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Re: DS1 hurt someone's feelings... WWYD?

Has the little girl who started all this been made to apologize?
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:40 AM   #14
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Has the little girl who started all this been made to apologize?
Not that I know of. DS1 said she picks on him and a few other boys a lot, but they never tell the teachers, so there are never any consequences for her behavior. Apparently the other kids just ignore it, until the other day. I told DS1 to let his teachers know as soon as she starts picking on him again.
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Old 04-12-2012, 06:41 PM   #15
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Re: DS1 hurt someone's feelings... WWYD?

I would talk to the teacher about the mutual issues and ask how she suggests knowing both families what is best. I'd probably air on the side of caution and call or email and apologize and let her know you talked to your son that its not ok and if any issues between the kids happen again that it he has been instructed to talk to the teacher (so you aren't accusing her child but saying its clear something is going on, you'd like it dealt with and you are dealing with it in your home without accusing). (I would not say say I hope she returns.... as if the kids don't get along, not your issue). I would just continue to talk to your son about how if someone is being mean, he needs to either talk to his teacher and if he is not comfortable, come to you and you can do it together. Its not ok for someone to be mean to him and its not ok to retaliate or start even if they did it first. (though when he gets older, I think if someone is physical with my kid as long as he doesn't start it, and its not a girl who is smaller/younger/weaker or a boy who has issues, then he can finish it).
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Old 04-12-2012, 07:14 PM   #16
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Re: DS1 hurt someone's feelings... WWYD?

I didn't read the other responses, but here's my take on it.

Your son was in the wrong. He should apologize. The other people's actions really don't have anything to do with it. Him saying something back that is hurtful is not okay just because the little girl said something first. We teach our children that it is not okay to hit, bite, kick, etc, even if someone else does it first, so why would it be okay to speak hurtful words in response to someone else speaking hurtful words?

Remind him that in the future, he should either ignore her, speak to the person in authority at the time, and let her know that what she said hurt. If she is always saying hurtful things, it is probably because she's hurting. I realize that might be difficult for your son to understand, but he is old enough to understand that he doesn't need to be mean back.

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Old 04-12-2012, 07:21 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by tallanvor
I didn't read the other responses, but here's my take on it.

Your son was in the wrong. He should apologize. The other people's actions really don't have anything to do with it. Him saying something back that is hurtful is not okay just because the little girl said something first. We teach our children that it is not okay to hit, bite, kick, etc, even if someone else does it first, so why would it be okay to speak hurtful words in response to someone else speaking hurtful words?

Remind him that in the future, he should either ignore her, speak to the person in authority at the time, and let her know that what she said hurt. If she is always saying hurtful things, it is probably because she's hurting. I realize that might be difficult for your son to understand, but he is old enough to understand that he doesn't need to be mean back.
My son has apologized - to me, and the teacher. He has also drawn the girl a picture, as an apology. He hasn't apologized directly to the girl because she hasn't been back to school. I have also already spoken to him about his behavior, as I clearly stated in the OP. I never excused his behavior, or said it was okay. But I do feel it was justified in his mind (keep in mind, he's FOUR), since this girl has picked him on daily for the past 6+ months. And he has ignored it every time, not even telling the teacher. I obviously feel bad that he hurt her feelings, but I do think it's high time this girl (who, BTW, is older - she's in K and they have K and preK in the same class) is held accountable for her behavior also.
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Old 04-12-2012, 10:07 PM   #18
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Re: DS1 hurt someone's feelings... WWYD?

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My son has apologized - to me, and the teacher. He has also drawn the girl a picture, as an apology. He hasn't apologized directly to the girl because she hasn't been back to school. I have also already spoken to him about his behavior, as I clearly stated in the OP. I never excused his behavior, or said it was okay. But I do feel it was justified in his mind (keep in mind, he's FOUR), since this girl has picked him on daily for the past 6+ months. And he has ignored it every time, not even telling the teacher. I obviously feel bad that he hurt her feelings, but I do think it's high time this girl (who, BTW, is older - she's in K and they have K and preK in the same class) is held accountable for her behavior also.
Whoops! Sorry, I somehow managed to miss that part in your OP where you said you had spoken with him. And I didn't mean to imply that you were condoning his actions. While I think it is great that he drew her an apology, it's not doing any good if she doesn't get it. I would suggest you either get her address, have the school send it, or find a way for your son to apologize in person or on the phone.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:50 PM   #19
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The girl's mom sounds like a drama queen. She needs to gently tell her daughter to toughen up, IMO. Allowing a preschooler to stay home from school (for DAYS) because of a fellow 4 year old's verbal jab is setting her up for a life of victimhood any sissiness.
I think what you've done so far is MORE than enough, mama. I'd leave it be from here.
If the mother tries confronting or contacting you, I'd ask her to speak with the teacher instead. If the other girl was starting it, then hopefully the teacher can shed light on the situation.
Otherwise, it's going to be your word against hers, and It sounds like she won't peacefully accept any reasonable explanation you give her without still feeling like the victim.
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Old 04-13-2012, 06:20 AM   #20
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Re: DS1 hurt someone's feelings... WWYD?

I would leave it alone.
But I have to wonder what on earth the other mother is thinking allowing her 5 year old to miss school because her feelings got hurt. Cmon..her feelings are going to be hurt alot in her life and she is setting a bad precedent allowing a 5 year old to dictate if she will be going to school. When she is 10 and the girls are picking on her then what? Will she miss school then too?
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