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Old 04-13-2012, 12:38 PM   #1
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Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

My DH could care less if he heard the heartbeat, went to an ultrasound or even learned techniques to help me in labour. He could care less about all things baby and what changes I go before birth and after.

In my first pregnancy I resented him so much and it caused huge problems in our marriage. Now with his second one it's the same dang story. I'm trying hard to not allow myself to get to sad but it's really hard... and I'm really sad. Its hard not to get PO'd when he can't even fake it to make me smile!

** we planned this baby, he wants this baby, it's just who he is. He was the exact same with DD **

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Old 04-13-2012, 12:44 PM   #2
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My DH is the exact same way. I dragged him to ONE appointment this time and he was obviously unhappy being there. I was so embarrassed I don't want him to come again.

With DS he came to the 20 week US and the birth. That was it. He didn't even want to go to the hospital with me 4 hours early. But after ds was born he was great. He had to help me shower and get dressed. I was in a lot of pain from the csection.

Since were having a home birth this time I feel like he should have some kid of relationship with my midwife but he doesn't see my point. I always feel a little sad when I see women with their so at the Dr.
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Old 04-13-2012, 12:48 PM   #3
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I'm seriously hiding out in the bathroom crying because I don't want the kids to see me. I just don't understand why he can't fake it and instead make me feel like im pulling teeth when I ask if he wants to come.

I get sad when I see SO at appointments too.
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Old 04-13-2012, 12:50 PM   #4
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

Aw. I am sorry ladies. That is how I felt about my ex-DH. He always kinda brought me down with his lack of enthusiasm. {{hugs}} DH now is the complete opposite, we had an ultrasound this morning and he was bouncing off the walls. lol
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Old 04-13-2012, 12:56 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by JulieBeth
Aw. I am sorry ladies. That is how I felt about my ex-DH. He always kinda brought me down with his lack of enthusiasm. {{hugs}} DH now is the complete opposite, we had an ultrasound this morning and he was bouncing off the walls. lol
I have an ultrasound in 2 hours
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Old 04-13-2012, 12:59 PM   #6
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EuphoricDysphoria View Post
I have an ultrasound in 2 hours
I would go with ya! I never get tired of seeing sweet baby ultrasounds!
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Old 04-13-2012, 01:02 PM   #7
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

Mine is the same, but I think a lot of it is cultural. When I was pregnant with DD he didn't realize until 1/2way through that I expected him in the room with me! He thought he'd do what his dad did - drop off the wife, hang out in the pub, and celebrate with a cigar when it was over. Boy was he surprised! But once he realized my expectation he was there for me - mostly. He didn't see any type of a role for himself (rubbing back/reassuring) but he didn't put up a fight. On the other hand, he does NOT like feeling the baby move, could care less about an ultrasound, and because I have had (relatively) easy pregnancies, pretty much forgets I'm really pregnant at all. I'm planning a home birth as well this time, and part of me really just wants him to take DD and leave so that I can focus on me and not him. But it was good last time just to have him around. It's funny though, the second he held DD he fell in love completely and is an awesome dad, he just doesn't care about the pregnancy stuff.
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Old 04-13-2012, 01:27 PM   #8
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

My 1st pregnancy he did pretty good, but then had an affair when our son was 5 weeks old. So he lost all credit.

My 2nd pregnancy was twins and he struggled to be supportive and complained that I was lazy the whole time. Then he was a total jerk at the hospital.

This 3rd pregnancy was a huge oops, so I didn't really look for support, I've almost gone as far as to not really include him and he has surprised me by being more supportive. He also has realized I was no where near being lazy last pregnancy, this time he has had to step up and help out a lot.

I'm sorry you are having to feel unsupported, especially with a planned pregnancy. Some men just suck at being supportive and seriously need to work on it. It might not improve his behavior, but you might try to just talk to him about how you don't feel supported, and specifically tell him what being supportive to you means. Example: making ultrasounds a priority, asking me how the baby is doing, talking to my tummy, pretending to be interested in baby things I buy. I hate it when I have to spell things out to someone that supposedly cares about me so much, but I also know I have gone through non-pregnancy things and felt totally unsupported while hubby thought he was being an all-star at being supported. We have very different ideas of what meeting someone's emotional needs entails.
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Old 04-13-2012, 03:00 PM   #9
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

good to see that I am not alone. My dh is the same way...very detached from all things pregnancy and birth. But he loves the little ones once they are here.
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Old 04-13-2012, 03:07 PM   #10
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

DH is (and was with DS1 as well) very detached from my pregnancies. Occasionally he will put his hand on my belly or talk to the baby, but usually it's me asking if he wants to feel him kick, ect. He barley looked up once at our 20 week u/s. He doesn't care about the heartbeat. He doesn't really talk about the arrival of the new baby unless I bring it up. Sometimes he'll mention to DS1 about being a big brother, but that's it. He even mentioned the other day when we were discussing the birth of the baby and what to do with DS1, and he basically said he wouldn't really care if he missed the birth while watching DS in another room. That REALLY hurt my feelings, not only that he'd be ok with missing that but because he is my main birth partner for the birth. It bothers me a lot, especially since I live and breathe birth. It is everything to me. I guess I just need to accept that it's not that important to him. He is a VERY good, attached dad once the baby arrives, though. I guess I just try and see the silver lining. I know it can hurt though, sorry mama
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