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Old 04-14-2012, 01:48 PM   #21
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My DH is very excited about the pregnancy in many regards. Always snuggles up on my belly, talks to them, says goodbye to them when he goes to work, etc.

He likes seeing ultrasound pictures, too...

But if it was up to him, he wouldn't be at the birth. He wants to be the guy in the hallway with a cigar. He's only been to a couple appointments (I've had a LOT, simply because our insurance considers twins high risk), and he sits there picking at his nails the whole time. Zero interest jn anything thats happening. He'd rather be anywhere else.

However, he's still very supportive. He knows I want a natural birth and he's prepared to get loud if I'm mistreated at the hospital

However, even that level of supportiveness has evolved slowly over the last several months, as I've gently made clear to him how important it is to me.

But if I told him tomorrow that I was getting an elective C-section and he could watch TV in the lobby until everything was said and done, he'd be stoked.

Men are just naturally detached until the babies are in their arms. It's hard to understand for us, but it's just the way they frequently function. I try to be understanding... But i feel your pain! It hurts!

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Old 04-14-2012, 02:02 PM   #22
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

My husband is supportive. I am the opposite. I always tell him he never has to come to any appointments (except the 20 week anatomy scan) since I would rather be there quietly than have him and a gaggle of kiddos there. LOL Who wants to watch me get my belly measured, FHTs, urine checked and a BP check anyhow?
He is supportive during labor as long as he has a job, otherwise he is just fine being quiet in a corner and letting me labor with my support network of women. (Part of this is cultural and part of this is because I am an L&D nurse so he feels like we all know what we are doing more than he does).

I am glad you and your hubby are on the same page now. I hope he starts supporting you in a way that makes you feel supported.
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Old 04-14-2012, 04:54 PM   #23
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

Do most of us have the same DH?

I moved back in with my parents when I was pregnant with DS1 because DH was so not helpful. Granted he was in school and we were a LONG way from home but I needed help so I left. He dropped out of prenatal class too! My mom finished the classes with me when DH "accidentally" signed up for a class he needed which "happened" to be on the same night.

He ate CHIPS in the assessment room with #1, Didn't believe I was in labour with #2 and came to the hospital several hours later, waltzed in as I was pushing with #3 (granted he did forgo the coffee he was going to get - which would have made him miss it.), again went to get food and ate during #4.

BUT he is an amazing daddy and hubby. He just doesn't do hospitals, dr's or medical stuff. I know that - he knows that. I got tired of being mad at him YEARS ago. Around the same time I called my own ambulance and went for emergency surgery - he didn't really think I was sick - I learned to let go.

So he will never go to an ob's app. So he will never have sympothy pains. So he will never hold long conversations with my stomach. At the end of the day those things don't matter as much as how he is after baby is here. I can still remember being shocked out right shocked that he wanted to hold DS after he was born. DS way MY baby - Dh was so not interested in my pregnancy I didn't realize he would be super attached to DS RIGHT away.

Now OP if your DH NEVER gets better even after baby arrives - then yes - kick his butt. But if he is ok after then maybe he just is like my DH and doesn't handle pregnancy issues well.
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Old 04-14-2012, 05:44 PM   #24
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It's still really early this time so I don't know how he'll be for sure but he was pretty uninterested last time. He did go to the 20 week u/s but he didn't find it as awesome as I did. He didn't want to go to any other apps. He fell asleep during my horrible pitocin labor. He was awesome as soon as she was born. I don't think I changed a diaper until the fourth day. So far he has been stepping up with DD while I've been so sick. That's the important thing. He can be excited after the little one is here.
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Old 04-14-2012, 05:49 PM   #25
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

My DH can pretend to be supportive - so long as I tell him exactly what to do and don't look at the bored pained expression on his face. His opinion is that I'm fat, lazy, useless, and boring right now and he can't wait for this to be over and done with so I can get back to scrubbing the tub.
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:25 PM   #26
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EuphoricDysphoria View Post
to all of you!!!

DH and I had a long talk again and I THINK we are now on the same page.

It's such a comfort to know Im not alone. . A bittersweet comfort
I'm glad that you guys talked it through. Hopefully he'll be more supportive with you now.

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My DH can pretend to be supportive - so long as I tell him exactly what to do and don't look at the bored pained expression on his face. His opinion is that I'm fat, lazy, useless, and boring right now and he can't wait for this to be over and done with so I can get back to scrubbing the tub.
Did he actually tell you that?! Mama, that's terrible.
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:52 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Catbutt Diapers
My DH can pretend to be supportive - so long as I tell him exactly what to do and don't look at the bored pained expression on his face. His opinion is that I'm fat, lazy, useless, and boring right now and he can't wait for this to be over and done with so I can get back to scrubbing the tub.
Oh dear

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Old 04-15-2012, 11:59 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by Catbutt Diapers
My DH can pretend to be supportive - so long as I tell him exactly what to do and don't look at the bored pained expression on his face. His opinion is that I'm fat, lazy, useless, and boring right now and he can't wait for this to be over and done with so I can get back to scrubbing the tub.
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Old 04-15-2012, 01:17 PM   #29
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

We have 5 children.

My husband has been to one appointment with.

'Nough said.


It reallyyyyyy bothered me with my first two pregnancies. I realized one day that he was a good man though and a great dad. I just had to let it go.

I started to view my pregnancies as my time with the baby. After I have them, he quickly gains their devotion and if it weren't for my nursing and changing them, I'm not sure I'd even be needed

My DH took of work to meet the midwives at the home visit at around 36 weeks. That was the extent of his "bonding" with the midwives. His view was that *I* was the one needing them.

In his defense, he did like messing around late at night with the baby starting with our 3rd. He would think I was asleep and I'd catch him poking my belly to get the baby to kick or if the baby was kicking him he would roll over and pat my belly. I caught him kissing my belly goodbye one morning as he left for work ( he heads out very early and I often do not even realizes he has left) Stuff like that let me know he cared deeper than he let on.
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Old 04-15-2012, 01:21 PM   #30
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Re: Anyone else have a SO who could care less?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catbutt Diapers View Post
My DH can pretend to be supportive - so long as I tell him exactly what to do and don't look at the bored pained expression on his face. His opinion is that I'm fat, lazy, useless, and boring right now and he can't wait for this to be over and done with so I can get back to scrubbing the tub.

Seriously or is that how the pregnant you feels he views you?

If you are serious, you guys might want to seek out some professional help before the baby gets here. Things do not get easier when you have kids ...
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