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Old 04-14-2012, 06:55 PM   #11
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Re: DCP is great with LO, but

That's a parenting issue, not adoption issue. Even if the kids have issues, they are not parenting them/discipline/setting limits so it has nothing to do with adoption. They need to parent their kids, and yes, it would bother me and I would not continue there as I wouldn't want my child picking up on their child's behaviors. And, if they don't parent their child, they aren't going to work with mine either.

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Old 04-14-2012, 06:59 PM   #12
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Re: DCP is great with LO, but

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Hmm.. they adopted him when he was like 8 weeks and as far as I know he's had a relatively normal developmental pattern.. but I could be way wrong... I don't know 100% but I don't believe he's from across the globe. I want to say either American or of a Spanish-descent location (sorry if that's offensive?? - but he's a complete toe head - blonde hair and big blue eyes, very fair skin...
There are a very few situation of getting kids that young from Guatemala but even that young is rare. They probably did a domestic adoption and baby was in a special kind of "foster care" but it is basically a home study approved home that only caters to newborns/that specific agency. I would guess most are decent/loving homes. TX, FL and CA have a higher population of hispanic children placed. Don't scape this into adoption and adoption issue. This is a parenting issue. At 8 weeks, I highly doubt there was that much abuse or anything else. Both kids could have genetic issues but this isn't the concern.
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:06 PM   #13
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If you're only there during pick up and drop off, you don't really know how they discipline him. I work with a lot of kids, and see kids behaving way worse who have excellent parents who have spent years trying to adequately discipline their kids. I'm just saying don't be so quick to jump all over these people. I'm sure everyone on here has had people see them on days that weren't their best and had people jump to the conclusion that they are a bad parent. To OP, if it really bothers you that is of course a personal preference you are entitled to, just as you have the right to seek other child care. I just get so tired of seeing everyone jump all over these kinds of posts and accuse people of being awful parents, like there aren't situations where they let their kids slide....
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:09 PM   #14
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Re: DCP is great with LO, but

I absolutely would mention it but tread lightly. If you are seeing wild behavior but only at pick ups (meaning you are only there at a certain time of day and don't spend time at the daycare or with the mom outside of daycare), it could absolutely be that she is distracted and busy. I have a home daycare and three young children myself. My kids have absolutely done things that were rowdy appearing but I promise, they are not like that all day. By the end of the day, ALL the kids want to go somewhere, anywhere! but my kids are the only ones that dont get to go and have huge chunks of time where they share my attention with other kids. Its difficult, I am not going to lie. However, I have high expectations for my kids and the few times that one of my kids has done something outrageous (and embarassing!), I have sent the daycare parents (or whoever was there) a quick email apologizing for the behavior and letting them know that I did not find it acceptable and it was addressed.

On one hand, you cant be too hard on your provider. Its tough to take care of kids all day and a lot of providers will say that their own kids are the toughest to handle.

On the other hand, don't kid yourself thinking that your child will not pick up bad behavior, injuries or something of the sort from being exposed to a wild child all day.

You have to figure out if this is a big enough deal to approach your provider with. She may get offended at what is being implied and really not take that well. On the other hand, she may need the reminder that as a daycare parent, you are concerned about who your child is around all day and need the reassurance that she is able to handle the number and the personalities of the kids in her home.

I would say that if she gets super huffy and snarky about it and does not professionally reassure you in some way, you have your answer there that she has no plan to change a thing regarding her son and it may be time to move on. Not every teacher/provider is a good parent and not every parent of many kids can then do daycare. There are different skills involved. She may be a great provider but just does not have the patience or consistency with her son that he needs. Maybe she feels certain emotions about the adoption that cause her to treat him differently or excuse his behavior.
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:10 PM   #15
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Re: DCP is great with LO, but

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If you're only there during pick up and drop off, you don't really know how they discipline him. I work with a lot of kids, and see kids behaving way worse who have excellent parents who have spent years trying to adequately discipline their kids. I'm just saying don't be so quick to jump all over these people. I'm sure everyone on here has had people see them on days that weren't their best and had people jump to the conclusion that they are a bad parent. To OP, if it really bothers you that is of course a personal preference you are entitled to, just as you have the right to seek other child care. I just get so tired of seeing everyone jump all over these kinds of posts and accuse people of being awful parents, like there aren't situations where they let their kids slide....
Its not about jumping on a parent, but is her child safe. If what ever you are doing is not working, as a parent its time to reevaluate things, and try different things till it works or go get some help. If OP is there and the kid is throwing like that, there is probably a good chance the parents are not doing anything privately or in public. Most of us if we say our child throw would tell them to stop, take the toy away, place child in room, time out, etc.
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:11 PM   #16
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I agree with u are only seeing such a short period of time. When my daycare parents would pick up and longer (Grrr, lol) my kids would start acting out and they are good boys! But they knew once daycare baby went home, we would go do things! And they could just have me. And often I would just get thru it to talk to the parents, ect. It's one thing to chit chat about day care baby. But sometimes my parents would stay a freaking hour!!!!!! Gah!
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:18 PM   #17
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Re: DCP is great with LO, but

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I agree with u are only seeing such a short period of time. When my daycare parents would pick up and longer (Grrr, lol) my kids would start acting out and they are good boys! But they knew once daycare baby went home, we would go do things! And they could just have me. And often I would just get thru it to talk to the parents, ect. It's one thing to chit chat about day care baby. But sometimes my parents would stay a freaking hour!!!!!! Gah!
An hour?! I do five minutes or less. I dont let parents hang out because like you said, the kids get rowdy and it paints of picture of the daycare that is not accurate. I do have times when the parents come over to the daycare for events (like our easter egg hunt) so its not like I am antisocial BUT I am a busy mom of three kids. I only babysit kids, not parents

OP....another thing you didnt mention....maybe your pickups and dropoffs are too long? If the provider is distracted chatting with you and that type of thing, maybe it is just her son taking advantage of knowing his mom is busy. Just a thought.
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Old 04-16-2012, 08:24 AM   #18
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Re: DCP is great with LO, but

You know, my SIL has a daycare and I always wondered how she managed because she seems to have almost zero control over her own kids. Sorry, I have nothing to add except that I've seen it before and I always wondered if her daycare parents worried about the oldest son's tantrums and other wild behavior rubbing off on their kids. He's in school all day now, but my MIL has spent time there during many a daycare hour and says she really does an amazing job with the kids.
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Old 04-17-2012, 06:18 PM   #19
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Re: DCP is great with LO, but

Thank you for all the insight...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mibarra View Post
If you're only there during pick up and drop off, you don't really know how they discipline him. I work with a lot of kids, and see kids behaving way worse who have excellent parents who have spent years trying to adequately discipline their kids. I'm just saying don't be so quick to jump all over these people. I'm sure everyone on here has had people see them on days that weren't their best and had people jump to the conclusion that they are a bad parent. To OP, if it really bothers you that is of course a personal preference you are entitled to, just as you have the right to seek other child care. I just get so tired of seeing everyone jump all over these kinds of posts and accuse people of being awful parents, like there aren't situations where they let their kids slide....
This is definitely NOT my intention. I've been there 7 months and this is really my ONLY concern. I can tell they are both loving parents. The daughter is very well behaved (albeit she's 6 but still...)

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I absolutely would mention it but tread lightly. If you are seeing wild behavior but only at pick ups (meaning you are only there at a certain time of day and don't spend time at the daycare or with the mom outside of daycare), it could absolutely be that she is distracted and busy.

You have to figure out if this is a big enough deal to approach your provider with. She may get offended at what is being implied and really not take that well. On the other hand, she may need the reminder that as a daycare parent, you are concerned about who your child is around all day and need the reassurance that she is able to handle the number and the personalities of the kids in her home.
This is definitely my concern, which sounds lame since my first priority is my son. But I'm not sure there is a right way to bring up the subject. Obviously I don't live there, but just form stories she's told me ("how did you weekend go" kind of thing) to everything I've seen him do literally as I'm walking through the door, I can tell he's a handful. And their disciplining is (I'll call it) weak.

Today when I picked up my son they were all outside playing. Her LO was already throwing mulch around (as I was coming around the yard so no parents in sight to act wildly yet). Her response every time was just "No much... I told you no throwing mulch." Never approached him, never physically removed the mulch. Then he starts throwing it at his sister. Again, no action. Finally, one of the other kids was sitting in a stroller (she strapped herself in) and DCP's son comes over and literally knocks the girl over getting in it himself. She was still buckled in and toppled over. Finally DCP went over, unbuckled the girl and said "You're free!" in a funny voice (which might have been the right move for HER not to make a mountain out of a mole hill) and turned to her son and simply said "She was still strapped in!" That was it. No apologizing, no "That wasn't very nice." Nothing.

I should also mention (and I've posted this before), my son is VERY socially terrified. anyone whose not DH or me he screams bloody murder. He's been with DCP for 7 months and is finally OK there but still cries every morning when I leave. I can barely stand the thought of having to get him adjusted to a totally new person, new kids, etc. He has a good routine there and the kids absolutely adore him.
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Old 04-17-2012, 06:35 PM   #20
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Re: DCP is great with LO, but

My MIL does day care in her home and I notived when my son spent a lot of time over there he would develope a really bad attitude. I think it's just what happens when kids know that it's THEIR territory and all the other kids are on their turf.

I also notice the chaos level at her house goes up significantly when a parent is there. ALL the kids go nuts and do things they know they shouldn't be doing. They think she is not looking, and most of the time she feels like she can't correct everything right then because she's talking with a parent
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