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Old 05-02-2012, 07:25 AM   #1
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Grieving and multiple m/cs

I think something is wrong with me and I think I need suggestions and advice from those of you who have been there.

I just found out (yesterday) I had my third m/c. The second this year. The last time it happened I was so beside myself in grief I couldn't even speak to anyone for weeks. This time is different. It almost feels like I can't process or feel anything. I feels like I am in a weird fog and I am not even sure if I have fully comprehended what just happened because I should be able to express my feelings.

I have never been in a place like this before and it puzzles me. I find myself joking and carrying on. I find myself not thinking. I have not cried once over it since I found out. I thought at first it was because I was being strong in front of my family but now I am alone and I find myself sitting her absolutely blank and numb when I try to think about it. I was very attached to this pregnancy. I did care, I cared a lot but now I can't grieve? Is this bad? Is this a stage of grief? I almost feel guilty for being able to crawl out of bed this morning. I don't know where to go or how to express my thoughts. Is this something I should seek a grief counselor out or am I going to be ok?


Proud Mama to: My big guys C (9/2002) and N (10/2003), and my princess (3/2006).
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Old 05-04-2012, 08:12 AM   #2
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Re: Grieving and multiple m/cs

There is no right or wrong way to feel when you're dealing with this. With my 3rd m/c in a row I was much more numb to it than the two before... sort of like I expected it or something With me, it hit me later... after the diagnosis from the doc, after the actual m/c, and after a week of vacation from work where I didn't cry at all... I just started cleaning my house. It was like a full month later that it really "hit" me. And even then, I was mostly mad and puzzled, in addition to being so, so, so sad.

Be good to yourself. Let yourself grieve the way you need to. If you think that talking with a counselor or a support group will help, by all means do that. I know that there are a lot of helpful places that some of the ladies can refer you to. For me, this S&S group helped me through a lot, even though I'm not super chatty on the board.

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Old 05-04-2012, 10:03 AM   #3
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Re: Grieving and multiple m/cs

The third one is always a different experience and however that looks for you it does. It will probably hit later. Just go with it for now. Your brain is protecting your heart. I'm so sorry, I know how much it sucks.
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Old 05-04-2012, 06:12 PM   #4
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Re: Grieving and multiple m/cs

I just had my 5th miscarriage last week. Feeling numb seems pretty normal to me. I have been devastated each time but the grief was different after number 3 or so. With this one in particular, I feel as if I've been waiting for 20 weeks for the inevitable to happen. Now it's happened... I think it will hit you (and me) a little later. I agree there's no wrong way to grieve. Try to go easy on yourself
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Old 05-05-2012, 07:09 AM   #5
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Re: Grieving and multiple m/cs

So sorry mama. Big hugs to you. I would say your numbness is part of the grieving process. It may be different for you from how you dealt with other losses, but being numb is one way for your body/heart to deal with the loss and it's not a wrong way. Just go with what feels right for you. I do think talking it out with someone whether online or IRL is a good thing. Take care of yourself mama.
-Kate SAHM to John 12/31/07, Grace 10/15/09, Jack ^i^ 5/18/12 , and Jane 5/14/13
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Old 05-06-2012, 01:48 PM   #6
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Re: Grieving and multiple m/cs

It's been months since I lost my pregnancy and I sometimes still feel numb. I recommend a counselor as it has helped me. You never really know how much help you need until you get it. Friends can't really give you what you need, as I'm sure you've already noticed
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Old 05-07-2012, 07:24 AM   #7
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Re: Grieving and multiple m/cs

mama my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. There is no specific way that you SHOULD grieve. Every person is different and it takes time for you to heal and understand your emotions. I completely understand the feeling of being numb. Take gentle care of yourself mama

Praying for you

Catie : Married to my Soldier and bestfriend for 4 awesome years,
Mommy to my little sunshine Isabel Born 12/30/2008
and my little rainbow Jacob Born 11/15/2012
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Old 05-07-2012, 11:35 AM   #8
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Re: Grieving and multiple m/cs

Ms. Kaun, I'm really sorry. I followed your story and was heartbroken for you.

I really think grief is one of those subjective things, in that no two people are meant to deal with it the same. I chose to put my loss behind me as quickly as possible, and I'm still not sure if it was the right way to deal, but none the less that's how it went. I hope you can find peace in this soon, it's just such a sad thing to go through, and unfortunately one of those things that isn't really talked about in real life. I think that was the hardest bit for me, not being able to talk to my mother in law or friends about it to the extent that I wanted to.
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