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Old 04-18-2012, 04:07 PM   #21
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Re: I know its selfish, but have you ever asked for a baby shower?

First.. Do you go to church? I'm also in the south and EVERY church we've attended threw me a shower, or with my last baby, they were in the process of changing some major things (new building, staff changes etc) so they just sent us a check for $500 as a baby gift. Apparantly, everyone chipped in since they didn't have time to organize a shower. With my 1st, the shower was at 37 weeks, and all of the women at church were invited via the church bulletin, and they sent invites to all of my friends as well, with my 2nd, a friend AND the church both threw me seperate showers (I also don't have any family here, either mine or DHs) and with the 3rd, the church had a baby gift collection for us.

If not, I strongly suggest talking to DH. You could outright ask him to ask her but not tell her it was your idea, or you could hint to him that without your family here, you really wish someone would throw you a shower, but you would feel so tacky asking anyone to do it for you, etc. I don't think family throwing the shower is tacky at all, Ive only been to a few that WEREN'T hosted by family. If in the end you don't get a shower, throw a meet the baby party when baby is about 2 weeks old. Make it a potluck and you can be pretty guaranteed you'll have a great time and get some great baby gifts

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Old 04-18-2012, 04:11 PM   #22
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Re: I know its selfish, but have you ever asked for a baby shower?

I wouldn't want to ask either. My entire family was bugging me about the baby shower from the get go with #1. Yet nobody wanted to host it. My SIL who had a 1 month old "threw" me one. AKA I did all of the planning/purchasing/preparing of food myself and she just gave us a venue in her back yard. It rained all day and we spent the afternoon (super hot) under a giant blue tarp because she wouldn't allow us inside.

Why not mention in passing that a friend asked where you were registering. Since you're not from there, ask MIL if she knows of anywhere that would be good. If the topic of a shower comes up in the conversation just mention that the friend was asking about a shower and you didn't know what to tell her because where you come from, the Mom to be is out of the loop on shower planning... Perhaps that will get MIL to think about throwing you a shower. Then you could have DH do a follow up conversation with MIL asking in a "I don't know a thing about these girly parties" kind of way who throws the shower in that circumstance to keep the ball rolling.
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Old 04-19-2012, 12:32 AM   #23
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Re: I know its selfish, but have you ever asked for a baby shower?

Our showers here are AFTER baby arrives. It is rare to have one before. They are always hosted by gmom, mil, sis, aunts - sometimes friends. Every baby has a shower or a "meet the baby". Infact with DD no-one planned a "shower" because her baptism was so close to her birth and we were having a tea. My mom got calls EVERY day asking when the shower was going to be already. People didn't want to come see her before the party so they could save their gift for the one day and not bring gifts twice. (Nutty I know - no gifts were expected, required or needed.)

ANYWAY - my entire point is OP if no-one throws a shower why not wait until baby arrives and have an open house to meet the baby? That way those who want to bring gifts can and you aren't stuck asking someone to throw you a party.

We are likely going this route this time around too. This baby is #5 and is 12 months younger then her older sister. We really need NOTHING but people will still want to go to a party so we will just host it here once baby is a few weeks old.
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Old 04-19-2012, 01:41 PM   #24
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Re: I know its selfish, but have you ever asked for a baby shower?

Here it is tacky only for you, your mom or MIL to host, your sisters are fair game, same rules for bridal showers. I don't think you can ask, you can discuss it with your DH and have him hint, but you can't ask. I have no idea who is going to host my shower. Typically here you only have them for a first child and don't for the others unless you have a larger gap, otherwise no rules.
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Old 04-19-2012, 01:54 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by mom1mg
Our showers here are AFTER baby arrives. It is rare to have one before. They are always hosted by gmom, mil, sis, aunts - sometimes friends. Every baby has a shower or a "meet the baby". Infact with DD no-one planned a "shower" because her baptism was so close to her birth and we were having a tea. My mom got calls EVERY day asking when the shower was going to be already. People didn't want to come see her before the party so they could save their gift for the one day and not bring gifts twice. (Nutty I know - no gifts were expected, required or needed.)

ANYWAY - my entire point is OP if no-one throws a shower why not wait until baby arrives and have an open house to meet the baby? That way those who want to bring gifts can and you aren't stuck asking someone to throw you a party.

We are likely going this route this time around too. This baby is #5 and is 12 months younger then her older sister. We really need NOTHING but people will still want to go to a party so we will just host it here once baby is a few weeks old.
Are you Latino? My friend who is Latino does the same thing but she said in her culture it's bad luck and frowned upon to do it before. They don't buy a single thing until the baby arrives. Not even to set up their nursery. She couldn't really explain to me why they do that though
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Old 04-19-2012, 02:00 PM   #26
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Re: I know its selfish, but have you ever asked for a baby shower?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ReturnMeHomeAgain View Post
Are you Latino? My friend who is Latino does the same thing but she said in her culture it's bad luck and frowned upon to do it before. They don't buy a single thing until the baby arrives. Not even to set up their nursery. She couldn't really explain to me why they do that though
Interesting! I recently heard that about Jewish women as well (not the shower part, but not buying anything themselves for the baby, as it is looked at as bad luck.)
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Old 04-19-2012, 02:35 PM   #27
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Re: I know its selfish, but have you ever asked for a baby shower?

I'm in KY. And I wouldn't think of it as tacky or bad etiquette to ask someone to throw you a baby shower, even if it is your MIL. Like alot of others have said, around here, alot of times, it's the mom or MIL hosting anyways. First tme I ever heard that as bad etiquette. I also know of people hosting their own baby showers. What's the big deal?! IMO, it's bad etiquette not to give a gift, shower or not if someone close to you is having a baby.
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Old 04-23-2012, 11:56 AM   #28
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Re: I know its selfish, but have you ever asked for a baby shower?

Yes! I also live away from all family and when I was like 7 months pregnant and no one has mentioned a shower I asked a friend if she would help me plan one. She and her mom are super into having dinner parties and get togethers so they were totally on board. They didn't mind at all. I felt kind of bad about it at first but now I'm so glad I asked. It went great! I guess it just deoends on if you have someone to ask.
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Old 04-26-2012, 09:28 PM   #29
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Re: I know its selfish, but have you ever asked for a baby shower?

Honestly everything is so differed these days. Like where I am in Va we have showers for the second and third child but last generation did not do that. And technically parents and in-laws are not supposed to throw them but my mom almost threw mine and I would let her, and my MIL will be throwing me one for their side of the family(Filipino) and they don't think it's weird. I had friends that have had showers thrown by their moms. None of us care or judge. We just all go to celebrate and give gifts. I think if you and her get along well and talk then maybe mention to her how you feel about being away from your family and how none of your friends have offered. That you would love to celebrate the life of her grand baby. She would probably just throw you one. Or like someone else mentioned maybe your hubby can talk with her. It's what ever is comfortable for you and you closets friends and family. That's what's appropriate! I did have to explain to my hubby why he couldn't throw me one though, lol. He just wanted to spoil me. But even if I had let him our friends would have that it was awesome and gone along with it. : )
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Old 04-26-2012, 09:48 PM   #30
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Re: I know its selfish, but have you ever asked for a baby shower?

ive never asked for a shower, probably why i never had one
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