Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-14-2012, 06:28 AM   #1
firsttimeclothmomma's Avatar
firsttimeclothmomma
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: South Central, Mass.
Posts: 631
My Mood:
DCP is great with LO, but

can't seem to control her own kid. She and her partner have adopted a (now) 6 year old girl and a (now) 2.5 year old boy. The boy is a complete terror - perhaps in part due to his age but a LOT in part due to their lack of disciplining. They let him do whatever he wants and never carry through with a punishment. DH and I have seen i firsthand on many occasions in our 6+ months there.

I'm not worried about the son's behavior rubbing off on my LO (that's my job as a parent). But for instance yesterday he was flinging around a Barbie doll - just because he could, not because he was playing some game with it - and he hit my son in the head, leaving a bruise. Not a huge deal, no swelling and he was fine, but my point being that his behavior often ends in other kids getting the short stick. He will grab toys from other kids and not give them back. He screams all day long in the house and doesn't know what an indoor voice is. He throws food across the room (like entire apples). And because they don't really do punishments there were no time outs or anything for him due to that behavior.

Would this bother you? Or am I overreacting?

Advertisement

__________________
Full-time WOHM and wifey to sweet angel J (7/29/11). Cloth Diapering, Fully Vaxing, Babywearing, semi-crunchy little family.
firsttimeclothmomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 06:38 AM   #2
EvaL's Avatar
EvaL
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Alabama
Posts: 139
My Mood:
Re: DCP is great with LO, but

Sounds like more then lack of discipline to me. Developmental disabilities rates are very high and a lot of the behaviors you describe can certainly be a sign that something else is going on.
EvaL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 07:34 AM   #3
firstimemommy44's Avatar
firstimemommy44
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 695
My Mood:
Yes this would bother me. The child needs conferences for his actions. Entered a difference between typical play and rough housing and a child being a brat. By them allowing this yoke child has gotten hurt, which is not ok.
__________________
SAHM and full time student, Breastfeeding, baby wearing, no longer vaxing, baby food making, co sleeping, helecopter mom to DS 1-5-10, and DD in heaven 2-18-09.

My swagbucks http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/ellen44
firstimemommy44 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 07:45 AM   #4
mibarra
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,975
Especially with an adopted child, I would also suspect some sort of developmental problem as well. Many adopted children have delays, fetal drug/alcohol exposure, and when adopted from other countries often also have psychological problems such as attachment disorder or ODD. I wouldn't be too quick to judge necessarily. That being said, you can either live with it or you can't. If it's a big problem for you, find a new DC.
mibarra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 10:39 AM   #5
firsttimeclothmomma's Avatar
firsttimeclothmomma
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: South Central, Mass.
Posts: 631
My Mood:
Re: DCP is great with LO, but

Hmm.. they adopted him when he was like 8 weeks and as far as I know he's had a relatively normal developmental pattern.. but I could be way wrong... I don't know 100% but I don't believe he's from across the globe. I want to say either American or of a Spanish-descent location (sorry if that's offensive?? - but he's a complete toe head - blonde hair and big blue eyes, very fair skin...
__________________
Full-time WOHM and wifey to sweet angel J (7/29/11). Cloth Diapering, Fully Vaxing, Babywearing, semi-crunchy little family.
firsttimeclothmomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 12:34 PM   #6
monkeymama07's Avatar
monkeymama07
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NOVA
Posts: 2,294
Re: DCP is great with LO, but

how much time do you spend with them?

I wonder if hes either not good with trasitions (kids coming and going) or if hes showing off?

She may reprimand him for his behavior but figure when kids are comming and going with parents she is trying to make sure she can chat and update them on anything with their kids or find anything out from you about your kids she may need to know...

I know Liam saves his shenanigans for when Im talking to someone...
__________________
Single mama to an awesome 6 year old and fighting cancer one day at a time.
Looking for Womens clothes size Large 12/14.... any help would be appreciated
monkeymama07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 05:09 PM   #7
firsttimeclothmomma's Avatar
firsttimeclothmomma
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: South Central, Mass.
Posts: 631
My Mood:
Re: DCP is great with LO, but

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeymama07 View Post
how much time do you spend with them?

I wonder if hes either not good with trasitions (kids coming and going) or if hes showing off?

She may reprimand him for his behavior but figure when kids are comming and going with parents she is trying to make sure she can chat and update them on anything with their kids or find anything out from you about your kids she may need to know...

I know Liam saves his shenanigans for when Im talking to someone...
Lucky you!
He's very 50/50. Sometimes he'll be obviously over rambunctious and show off. Other times he won't even say hello and hides behind DCP.

I'm wondering if it has to do with getting attention and staying the "baby". The next youngest to LO is a 15 month old. She and her sister and quite independent and don't often 'need' DCP. Of course my LO is too little and needs her all day.. But when my LO started this little girl would have only been 9 months so maybe it was too much for him?
__________________
Full-time WOHM and wifey to sweet angel J (7/29/11). Cloth Diapering, Fully Vaxing, Babywearing, semi-crunchy little family.
firsttimeclothmomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 05:17 PM   #8
keen1981's Avatar
keen1981
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 12,360
He may not influence your child now, but he will! Especially if it's 40 hrs a week!!
__________________
BFing, CDing, all natural mama to three boys! Certified lactation Counselor
keen1981 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 05:24 PM   #9
luvsviola's Avatar
luvsviola
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 17,103
My Mood:
Re: DCP is great with LO, but

Quote:
Originally Posted by keen1981 View Post
He may not influence your child now, but he will! Especially if it's 40 hrs a week!!
I wouldn't be ok with no consequences. My DFS has developmental delays and "issues." He is most definitely worse when others are over, esp when I am talking. He throws things, and hits when he is upset or frustrated. But there are most definitely consequences! We have a behavioral therapist working with us on it.

I would be honest with the DCP and ask about consequences during the day, and if there really are none, I would start looking for a new daycare.
__________________
Kristen
Middle school teacher by day, super mom by night
Mommy to The Boss~2007, The Energizer Bunny~2009, and The Princess~2011
My kids are no longer in diapers, but somehow, my computer keeps finding its way back here...
luvsviola is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2012, 05:31 PM   #10
calapitters's Avatar
calapitters
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Vermont
Posts: 202
My Mood:
This is a common theme for many DCP. Their own children are often the ones who give them the most trouble. It's an attention/discipline/different rules thing. I bet your DCP is embarrassed by it and knows how to fix it. But 9-10 hour days 5/days a week are super draining and it is hard to be consistent with discipline at the end of the day. You might mention that you are worried about your LO being inadvertently hurt.

I also agree with the pp's who mentioned developmental disabilities. Abuse and neglect in those early months causes brain stem damage that will never be repaired, no matter what great therapy the child receives and how amazing the family that adopts him is. He is lucky he was adopted so early and is developing on par with just a few behavioral issues.
__________________
Mama of 4
calapitters is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.