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Old 04-19-2012, 05:41 AM   #11
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Re: If you natural/home birth, does your partner think it's strange?

My DH was the same way. He only ever knew about birth from what you see on TV. He deferred to me, though, saying bc I already had 4 kids, and he trusted me bc he knows I research things carefully and that I know my body. It took him a bit to get on-board for our homebirth and when it didn't happen with Kailani, he was very upset. And this time, he was totally on board for a homebirth, but we can't swing it, financially. He told me he would support me doing a UC, but my BP is being hinky. His coming fully around was huge, though! And another thing...this pregnancy, he watched "The business of being born" and he is now as anti-hospital as I am!

btw, I know women who birth alone, or with midwives and doulas and their DH's don't have anything to do with it.

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Old 04-19-2012, 05:53 AM   #12
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Re: If you natural/home birth, does your partner think it's strange?

My DH was nervous about homebirth the first time around, but willing to trust me. (He's a good man. ) After having had 2 in the hospital (both good experiences, with a nice GP) the homebirth was much better. He's probably just as big of an advocate as I am now. We've had two at home now (DD3 and DS - DD4 was hospital b/c I was GBS+) and are looking forward to another homebirth in a few weeks!
I think a lot of guys are afraid of labour and birth, and society has certainly reinforced that fear. It could be that what you're hearing is fear talking - he wants you and baby to be safe, and this is the best way he knows. Statistics, facts and figures might help change his mind. Show him that the outcomes for mom and baby are BETTER at home. Tell him about The Farm - Ina May Gaskin's midwifery "commune". They have a less than 2% intervention rate, including c-section, episiotomy and forceps, accepting all kinds of patients from VBAC, to breech, to twins, etc. No OB in North America that I'm aware of can come anywhere close to results like that.
All the best for a wonderful, well-supported birth!
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Old 04-19-2012, 06:51 AM   #13
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Re: If you natural/home birth, does your partner think it's strange?

Before we conceived, DH was against home birth. We discussed it, did research, and both agreed eventually that it was the right option for us. We didn't tell friends or family. In January, we had our first home birth and it was awesome. We plan on birthing all our babies at home.
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Old 04-19-2012, 12:57 PM   #14
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Re: If you natural/home birth, does your partner think it's strange?

yes, he thinks it it strange...only since that is not how anyone does it, kwim? But I am lucky that he is 100% supportive. He was born at home. His brother's birth was attempted at home, but ended in a transfer because he was breech.
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Old 04-19-2012, 02:58 PM   #15
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Re: If you natural/home birth, does your partner think it's strange?

my dh definitely thinks i'm a little crazy (his name is carlos too! lol) but he humors me most of the time. i think the thing with men is, they don't think about birth and pregnancy as much as we do. they don't really have to "go through it" so it never occurs to them to consider their options, you just go to a dr, whichever one, do what they say, then go to the hospital and have the baby, and do what they say there too. why fight it? i think it just never occurred to him. he was pretty against me having ds in the birth center, he'd never heard of such craziness, and it took awhile to convince him, but eventually i just went ahead and switched, and he couldn't really stop me. and, once i was there, he was fine. and after the baby was born, he was really proud of me for doing such a good job and agreed that it was so much nicer than the hospital. he was 100% on board for doing it again. except we moved, and there aren't any birth centers by us now. so i wanted a homebirth, and he completely flipped. it took awhile again, but i'm getting my homebirth. he's more onboard with it now than he was, but i think seeing will be believing for him, just like last time. i'm not saying you should force your husband to do something he's not comfortable with, it's his baby too. but by the same token, he shouldn't force you to do something you're uncomfortable with either. with dh, it just took a lot of persistence on my part, and frankly saying in the end, that it wasn't him going through birth, and if he wasn't going to even look at the information out there, than how could he really make an informed decision? then just going forward with it.....sometimes, in order to broaden our horizons and learn something new, we need to be forced out of our comfort zone if we can't be encouraged to.

and, lol, i just had to laugh at the "india" comment. my dh is from mexico, so different country, but between my non-hospital birthing and babywearing, he calls me that too. he keeps asking me why i want to be like the mountain women in mexico it's all just a good joke now though, he got over the babywearing thing too after about 3 weeks of a colicky newborn who would only be soothed by wearing. hard to argue with a baby NOT crying for a change....and 2.5 yrs later, we both hate taking the bulky stroller out, and i recently bought a preschool sized kinderpack at his request so that he could keep wearing ds for awhile longer. he's been converted for sure, now it's his family that thinks we're both nuts. but they've thought that about me at least since the moment we met
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Old 04-19-2012, 05:45 PM   #16
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Re: If you natural/home birth, does your partner think it's strange?

Maggie. I hope he comes around. My DH didn't really understand why I wanted a natural birth until we started Bradley classes. It really opened his eyes to how birth works and he has been on board since. I asked him to watch BoBB with me last pregnancy and he was on board for a home birth after that, especially after meeting the midwives and seeing the huge difference between the standards of care (very rushed apt with a busy OB vs. an hour with midwives that felt like coffee with friends).
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Old 04-19-2012, 06:07 PM   #17
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Re: If you natural/home birth, does your partner think it's strange?

Whenever someone makes a comment about 'doing it like everyone else' I say that given the state of the world, I think everyone doing it one way is argument enough in itself to do it differently.
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Old 04-19-2012, 06:43 PM   #18
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Re: If you natural/home birth, does your partner think it's strange?

I'm sorry he feels that way!! My DH was worried about homebirth with DD, but I kept saying I felt uncomfortable in hospital, it's a place for SICK people and birth is not an illness. DH got on board because he knew how strongly I felt about avoiding unnecessary interventions, wanting to birth in a birth pool (no hospitals offered that opportunity around here) and we could easily go to hospital if something happened. Lonnnng labour meant we transferred after 24+ hours by my choice for pain relief and even though we did that DH was very on board for homebirth with our most recent baby...then unassisted birth! HE actually convinced me to take that route this time! Surprising and a total turn around from when I first started discussing homebirth with him before the birth of our first baby.

Just tell him you don't feel comfortable going into a hospital, the staff will still have the skills and resources to treat you if something doesn't go to plan and you can always transfer to hospital if the need arises. There is no point going into hospital JUST INCASE though, especially if you want to avoid interventions and just be allowed to get on with it (the best way to birth naturally).. Hospitals tend to be impatient to get on with things and that can totally ruin your plan, very quickly.

Hope you can get him onside. Otherwise he just needs to keep his mouth shut (to put it bluntly) because any negativity is going to plant the seed of negativity in YOUR mind.
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Old 04-20-2012, 12:48 AM   #19
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Yep, sorry didn't make it through all of the comments I am currently cuddling my almost 1 day old home birthed baby dp thinks birth should be medicalized but apparently gave in accepting I am a crazy baby hippie as he calls it.

I had a natural hospital birth with odd & just had ydd in our bathroom tub (didn't bother setting up the pool).
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Old 04-21-2012, 12:57 PM   #20
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Re: If you natural/home birth, does your partner think it's strange?

Maggie, perhaps Carlos is just very concerned for your safety & well being as well as that of the baby's, and he's not vocalizing that very well. So it comes off as him being difficult about respecting your choices & opinions, you know? Some people feel safer in a hospital setting. Perhaps you could open a discussion with him by asking him if this is the case? Ask him if he is just acting this way because he's truly concerned about that ever elusive "something bad" happening to you or the baby if you aren't in the hospital.

That's what came to my mind when I read the part about how he was very supportive when it came to a natural, med free birth.... but in the hospital.

For the record, though, my DH has always been the opposite. He's a total hippie and has always been upset with me that I can never have a homebirth or use a midwife due to my medical problems!


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Originally Posted by moonlightblonde View Post
Yep, sorry didn't make it through all of the comments I am currently cuddling my almost 1 day old home birthed baby dp thinks birth should be medicalized but apparently gave in accepting I am a crazy baby hippie as he calls it.

I had a natural hospital birth with odd & just had ydd in our bathroom tub (didn't bother setting up the pool).
Congratulations!
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