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Old 04-20-2012, 01:53 PM   #1
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Siblings attending birth

I have an almost 6 yo DD. The other day she mentioned that she wanted to be there when "baby brother" comes out. I'm considering it but have a few trepidations and questions.

1) She's a little sensitive and VERY caring/concerned with the site of blood and someone else in pain. Will the sight of giving birth be too much for her?

2) How do we let HER support person know when it's time to bring her? The hospital is about 35 min away from our house.

3) What if she misses it?

4) How do I prep her for this?

Thanks for all your input!


~Alicia wife to bestie for 6 years ! Mommy to 2 beauties Gracie (1/30/10) & Lily (6/20/06), and my strong man Declan (5/4/12). I'm a CD'ing, sometimes wearing, exclusive BF, extended rear facing & harnessing, super frugal SAHM!
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Old 04-20-2012, 04:59 PM   #2
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Re: Siblings attending birth

My older girls wanted to be there for my last birth.
We brought them. When they learned that birth took longer than any Youtube video, they were bored and ready to leave!
Their grandma picked them up.

Next time, I'll try to keep some stuff for them to do so they can see their sibling be born. I want to teach them birth is natural.
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Old 04-20-2012, 08:26 PM   #3
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Re: Siblings attending birth

my kids were at their brothers' births when they were 4, 3, and under 2. This was for 2 homebirths. they did just fine, they came and went as they pleased, followed me around, poured water on my stomach when I was in the tub, etc.
my 5th is going to the birth of our 6th and he will be almost 2 or just 2. He is coming with us and staying the whole time. I don't know if I "prepped" the others for birth, or we just talked about it. He has seen The business of being born, so maybe that counts?
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Old 04-21-2012, 11:15 AM   #4
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Re: Siblings attending birth

Our 3 year is also sensitive in the same way and she wants to be there when baby comes. We've been watching home birthing videos. Including water births, land births, breech, pain free, and some more vocal mamas. She's also seen some of the video of her birth, which was hard for her to see mommy but we talk about it, read books about home birthing, comes to mw check ups with me etc. I've read to do a trial labor and moan and move like you're in labor but I haven't done that (LO is due this week).

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Old 04-21-2012, 11:50 AM   #5
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Re: Siblings attending birth

I considered letting my older dd stay with my last birth. She was 12.5 ish. However, it all went so fast that it didn't end up that way. I didn't even really have time to make a decision before the baby was coming out.

When she was 6, I don't think I would have gone for it. Mostly because I think I would have been distracted worrying about her needs and emotional state when I needed to be focusing on my own body and the birth.
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Old 04-21-2012, 01:22 PM   #6
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Re: Siblings attending birth

I don't really have any input as I've never done this. However, are you birthing in a hospital? You said it was 35 minutes away and I was thinking that meant she would have to be brought from home. I would make sure you double check the hospital policy on that before you mention anything to her. Unfortunately, I think hospital policy may make the decision for you.

(I'm doing a hospital birth too. So, I'm not knocking that at all. But it's a bummer that we can't have some things that we may want based on "hospital policy." )
Heather SAHM to 6 who are 7 and under, including 2 sets of twins and our last little miracle, a surviving identical twin, born Oct 2012!
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Old 04-22-2012, 08:38 PM   #7
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Re: Siblings attending birth

My DD also wants to be there when this baby is born. I just told her we will have to see how/when it happens. We are planning a homebirth but my last homebirth was very long and very hard (mom wanted me to leave and go to the hospital). I just have to let her know every birth is different so we will have to wait and see.

I think for a lot of it depends on how you handle pain. I don't really scream I tend to internalize a lot so even though I am in pain I don't think she would know the extent of it. However, I have had kidney troubles this pregnancy and experienced a lot of early labor contractions with the kidney and back pain. That pain left me crying and really scared. If I end up feeling any way that I think will alarm her I won't want her there. I hope some explanation like this is going to be a lot of work to get baby out and it might take a long time so we are going to let you go to (whoevers house is available) then bring you back right when the baby is born.

I have a lot of confidence in my homebirth plans but it wasnt until DD mentioned wanting to be there that I started worrying about what if something bad happened. I don't want her to experience any panic or worry for me or the baby. She is really sensitive and the car accident (she was in it but not injured) has already made her more sensitive and she is my little backseat driver now. I really don't want birth to be a bad experience for her!!
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Old 04-22-2012, 09:20 PM   #8
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Re: Siblings attending birth

I would find some birth videos to show her so she understands that there will be blood and other fluids coming out.

I wanted ds1 to see ds2 be born, but it was late at night and he was asleep. I'm not pregnant yet but hope to be in the fall of this year and I'm planning on having both be there. I've already started talking about stuff. Both have seen tons of birth videos, but I've been telling ds1 that sometimes mommas who are having babies will make noises, scream and sometimes swear. But it is all normal and ok that sometimes they just need to do that to help them bring baby out.
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Old 04-22-2012, 09:40 PM   #9
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Re: Siblings attending birth

I wouldn't choose it for me or my family. But, it wouldn't have mattered this time anyway. I went from work to the hospital, and DD2 was born within 45 minutes of being admitted. Most of that time was them getting the paperwork done, and my Epidural in. We didn't push much at all...I got there at 9 cm.
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Old 04-22-2012, 10:48 PM   #10
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Re: Siblings attending birth

When I had my third, my girls (then 4 and 2.5) were there-- they did great, and I'm so glad they got to see me have their little brother. I had a homebirth, so it was a little easier. They just hung out at home and watched a movie until it was close to delivery time-- then they ran in and watched the birth.
We prepped with lots and lots of natural birth videos. They were very curious so we had lots of Q&A sessions about birth, and they were probably more knowledgeable than most adults on the subject lol. They knew that there would be blood, but that it was just extra blood that mommy didn't need anymore, and I told them ahead of time that I might cry or moan, though I ended up having a very peaceful birth. The videos were very helpful-- I was worried about my younger daughter, but while I was pushing the baby out I looked over at her (worried that she might notice it was hurting me) and she was just staring between my legs with the BIGGEST smile on her face. All she cared about was seeing her baby for the first time.

In early Sept. when I have this one, my three will definitely be there (they will be 7, 5, and almost 3).
Heather; wife to my love Jacob, lucky mama of Layla (9), Paisley (7), Thatcher (almost 5) and my nursling, Koa (9/4/12). Creator of Hand-stamped jewelry, custom teething necklaces and accessories by Avery Rayne Designs

Last edited by MacMama; 04-22-2012 at 10:53 PM.
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