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Old 06-11-2012, 05:44 PM   #1
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Help! Another mom physically punished my child!

There is a woman in a mom's group in which I am very active. This is a group of women that I have been with since I became a stay-at-home mom and I hold a leadership position in the group.

There is a woman in the group who has a little boy the same age as mine, and her son enjoys being with mine. Every time the group gets together, she get very excited when we come and makes a big deal about us coming because it means the world to her son.

Every time we get together, there is some sort of tension between her and my DS. It is so hard because she is very nice to me, but not to my son! Here is what has happened the last two times we have seen her, although there have been other incidents since we have known her.

Last week, my son was sitting on the grass at the park we were visiting, watching a man fly a kite. She saw that he was pulling blades of grass out of the lawn and had a complete conniption. She told him to stop and when he didn't, she lifted him off the ground and put him in a time-out. I did not see what happened (I was with my two year old and newborn). I wish that I had defended my son instead of saying "you need to listen to other adults when they tell you to do something".

Today, we were visiting a local attraction and again, I was running after my two-year-old. During those few moments, my older DS was touching something he shouldn't and she reprimanded him and grabbed his arm so hard that she left nail marks in his skin! Then, when he ran to me and said he had an owie, she said "He doesn't have anything wrong with his arm; he is just upset I corrected him". I was caught so off-guard that I didn't know what to say and didn't notice the marks until later.

I'm not sure how to handle this situation. She inundates me with invitations to come to her house, go places, etc, but does such bizarre things when we are together. I no longer accept her invitations, but she shows up at all the events I plan with the mother's group.

What would you do? Any thoughts would be appreciated!

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Old 06-11-2012, 05:51 PM   #2
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Re: Help! Another mom physically punished my child!

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Old 06-11-2012, 05:53 PM   #3
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Re: Help! Another mom physically punished my child!

I wouldn't leave your son alone with her! Keep the two year old and newborn whereever he is and don't leave his side!

I had an incident or more of an uncomfortable "what should I do" situation when my twins were about 8-9 months old. A woman at our playgroup picked up my daughter and then went and sat down with her in her lap. Luckily, she started freaking out but I was RIGHT there and I was like WTF??!!
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Old 06-11-2012, 05:56 PM   #4
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Re: Help! Another mom physically punished my child!

Wow, she really needs to step back. She should not be touching anyone's children unless they are in immediate harm (like about to run into a road or about to touch something hot). I do not think that I could keep my mouth shut. It's hard to be confrontational, but this mother needs to understand that you do not discipline your child the way she does hers. I would tell her at the next meetup that you would appreciate it if she came to you before disciplining your child. See how that goes and go from there. She may need to be flat out told to leave your child alone or you'll go all kung fu on her.
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Old 06-11-2012, 05:59 PM   #5
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Re: Help! Another mom physically punished my child!

Do you think you could just tell her straight up that you would like her to let you handle all disciplinary issues with your son, and that if she has a problem she should come tell you?
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:09 PM   #6
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Do you think you could just tell her straight up that you would like her to let you handle all disciplinary issues with your son, and that if she has a problem she should come tell you?
I agree with this. Also, does she have long nails? The nail marks could have nothing to do with how hard she was grabbing him. I don't know if that makes you feel any better for your son, but wanted to throw that out there.

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Old 06-11-2012, 06:13 PM   #7
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Re: Help! Another mom physically punished my child!

I would tell her not to touch my son. Period.

And who puts a kid in time out for pulling blades of grass? WTH cares?
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:20 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joyful Tie Dyes
I would tell her not to touch my son. Period.

And who puts a kid in time out for pulling blades of grass? WTH cares?
thats what I was thinking. what kid doesn't pull grass. she sounds up tight. I would tell her we don't discipline that way. please let me handle it.

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Old 06-11-2012, 06:20 PM   #9
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I would tell her not to touch my son. Period.

And who puts a kid in time out for pulling blades of grass? WTH cares?
I agree!! I teach two year old sunday school at church, so I am around other people's children regularly, and I would never put my hands on one of them, unless they were about to hurt themselves or someone else. (And right now there are NINE little boys in the class, so it gets rowdy at times.) The grass?! Who cares?! I would tell her, in no uncertain terms, that she should keep her hands off your kid. I would probably send an email and also explain why you have chosen to not hang out with them as much. She needs to know, so she can (hopefully) fix her behavior.
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:21 PM   #10
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Re: Help! Another mom physically punished my child!

You can handle it gracefully I think if you just come out and calmly and nicely tell her that. Just a simple "Hey friend, I appreciate so much how you have tried to help me when I'm overwhelmed with the kids, but I prefer to be the disciplinarian with my child. The next time you see him doing something you think is inappropriate, can you please bring it to my attention and I will handle it? I want you to be the fun friend, not the one who metes out discipline"

She saves face (important) and you make your point.
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