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Old 04-23-2012, 08:01 PM   #1
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Micropreemie Twins!

My really good friend just had her twins today at 26 weeks gestation. They are doing as well as can be expected, weighing in at 1lb10.5oz and 1lb10oz. My friend isn't up for any visitors today (she had a c-section), but what can I say/do/bring for her when she is (likely tomorrow or Wednesday). I have no experience with this, but I thought some of you mamas might.

What would the "perfect visitor" have done/said/brought for you in this situation?

TIA

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Old 04-23-2012, 08:16 PM   #2
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Re: Micropreemie Twins!

Hugs and lots of them. She will likely have babies in the NICU for many weeks/months and she will need ongoing support. There is always a rush after the birth but people often fail to realize that the hospital has become your life for a good long time after the initial rush of gift bearers have left.
As far as an actual gift, my favorite was always a journal that I was given to write in in between NICU hours and wrote in it for each up and down, for every ounce gained, each time a machine was unhooked, each stage towards going home. I took pics and eventually put them in the journal too. It served as a dialogue when people would ask me for updates I could recite what was written and compare stats over time. I even have parts where I had a dr. or nurse write down what they were telling me so that I could actually understand it later. When we left I had pics of the nurses and wrote their names down. I had pics of machines too and descriptions for big brother at home to see. My husband joked that it was the most in-depth baby book that he had ever seen but it kept me sane for a while and now I can show my boys when they get older
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Old 04-23-2012, 08:20 PM   #3
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Re: Micropreemie Twins!

Does she have other children?
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Old 04-23-2012, 08:26 PM   #4
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Re: Micropreemie Twins!

My best friend's twins were also born at 26 weeks via emergency C-section. Instead of baby gifts and the typical stuff, I bought a few gift cards to various restaurants and one to starbucks since she and her husband had to travel back and forth and were away from home several hours of every day for 3 months. She said it was her favorite and most practical gift. Just a side note, but the twins are 19 months old now and amazing little fighters. You would never guess they were preemies if you didn't know their story.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:01 PM   #5
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Re: Micropreemie Twins!

Hugs, compassion, and a friendly ear to listen to her concerns, listen to her recount every harrowing detail of what happened to make her twins so early to help her process this information, listen to every detail of how the babies are doing, and just be there for her. We lost DD1's twin sister at 32 weeks and thought we might lose DD1 as well, and the visitors I appreciate most were the ones who came with love, compassion, and understanding for what I needed, which was to vent and cry and mourn. Also, some kind of comfort food. Something familiar in a scary situation.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:17 PM   #6
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Re: Micropreemie Twins!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nikkibreeze View Post
Hugs and lots of them. She will likely have babies in the NICU for many weeks/months and she will need ongoing support. There is always a rush after the birth but people often fail to realize that the hospital has become your life for a good long time after the initial rush of gift bearers have left.
As far as an actual gift, my favorite was always a journal that I was given to write in in between NICU hours and wrote in it for each up and down, for every ounce gained, each time a machine was unhooked, each stage towards going home. I took pics and eventually put them in the journal too. It served as a dialogue when people would ask me for updates I could recite what was written and compare stats over time. I even have parts where I had a dr. or nurse write down what they were telling me so that I could actually understand it later. When we left I had pics of the nurses and wrote their names down. I had pics of machines too and descriptions for big brother at home to see. My husband joked that it was the most in-depth baby book that he had ever seen but it kept me sane for a while and now I can show my boys when they get older
A journal is a great idea!

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Does she have other children?
Nope. After 7 years of trying/infertility these little boys are her IVF miracles.


Quote:
Originally Posted by austinandashlynsmommy View Post
My best friend's twins were also born at 26 weeks via emergency C-section. Instead of baby gifts and the typical stuff, I bought a few gift cards to various restaurants and one to starbucks since she and her husband had to travel back and forth and were away from home several hours of every day for 3 months. She said it was her favorite and most practical gift. Just a side note, but the twins are 19 months old now and amazing little fighters. You would never guess they were preemies if you didn't know their story.
I love to hear stories where the tinies overcome their situations and thrive! Thanks! Oh and there is a Thomas Hammer (coffee shop) in the maternity/NICU building. I'll definitely get them a gift card there. They live close to the hospital, but they will be needing coffee, I'm sure.


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Originally Posted by mibarra View Post
Hugs, compassion, and a friendly ear to listen to her concerns, listen to her recount every harrowing detail of what happened to make her twins so early to help her process this information, listen to every detail of how the babies are doing, and just be there for her. We lost DD1's twin sister at 32 weeks and thought we might lose DD1 as well, and the visitors I appreciate most were the ones who came with love, compassion, and understanding for what I needed, which was to vent and cry and mourn. Also, some kind of comfort food. Something familiar in a scary situation.
Sorry for your loss mama. I think you're right about her needing support most of all. I hate that I can't just run down there right now and hug the stuffing out of her.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:23 PM   #7
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Re: Micropreemie Twins!

yikes.
No advice, but lots of prayers her way!
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Old 04-24-2012, 10:04 AM   #8
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Re: Micropreemie Twins!

Mine were 27 weeks. I second all the above. Also consider organizing a food calander for the weeks to come. If her spouse is going back to work soon, organize folks to drive her back and fourth to see the babies. If she planned on breastfeeding, make sure she understands it is now more important then it ever was and help her get started pumping. Make sure she has all of her supplies and make trips to the store if she needs something. If you have experience breastfeeding or have another friend who is, promise to be her go-to even a 3am if she has a boob question. If she wasnt planning on bfing or hadnt thought about it, maybe find some research about how amazing BM is for preemies. It is life saving, truely-and I have the evidence to support that!

My biggest burden after I went home was getting back and fourth to see them as my husband went back to grad school straight away. I never wanted to ask for a ride but I wanted to see my babies! It would have been such a relief for others to volunteer to take me. Mine spent 60 and 66 days and are now 18 mo old and climbing the walls, signing what I am sure are toddler curse words, and eating everything in sight. Tell her stories like this to give her hope but also be prepared to reassure her at every hurdle because there will be a lot of them. Every NICU mom will tell you-two steps forward and one step back!
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Old 04-24-2012, 11:39 AM   #9
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Re: Micropreemie Twins!

Does she live near where the babies are?

I've currently got triplets in the NICU that were born at 26 weeks. The babies are in a hospital 100 miles from where we live, so I am staying at the Ronald McDonald House in the same town. My husband, though, had to go back to work shortly after they were born, and is driving back and forth when he can to visit.

All of this to say.... if she is staying out of town and her SO is driving back and forth, gas cards might be really appreciated. That is the first thing we always ask for when people wonder what we need. Money for gas!!
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Old 04-24-2012, 10:09 PM   #10
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Re: Micropreemie Twins!

Those huge and healthy babies in the pink swimsuits? Those are our 26 weekers...born at 1 pound 11 and 1 pound 12.

All of the above advice is great. Have your game face on when you are allowed to visit. Nothing was worse than the people that looked horrified when they saw our babies. I so appreciated the people that looked at them with love and saw their miraculous beauty. Also keep being there. After weeks in the hospital you still need friends and family to help.
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