I need to complain!

[The3LittleBerkhs]

Yikes! I agree with the previous comments, and just wanted to offer a hug. I would've been livid, and extremely upset, and would definitely talk to someone about her.

[katt42]

Thanks for the hugs and reassurance that I'm not just crazy hormonal! Today I am still remembering other bizarre things she said to me and none of it really adds up.

I have decided to seek out some therapy for my issues pertaining to my lack of connection to this pregnancy/baby as well as possibly working on gender disappointment. I am going to revisit my nutritionist that I was seeing during my weight loss phase to see what she has to say about my diet and gestational diabetes.

Along with addressing my previously mentioned issues, I would like to work on my assertiveness. I am great at following up with an email, but I suck at dealing with things immediately when they happen. I tried really hard with this woman to express myself and I just got upset. I am really angry with myself for letting her hug me as I was leaving. ugh!!

Thanks again for validating my feelings and helping me work through some of this. I am still formulating my letter to the original midwife/owner of the practice and hope to finalize it and send it off this weekend.

HUGS to all of you great ladies!!!

[nkmcginty]

as far as the gender disappointment goes, i totally understand! when i was preg with our first i was so completely dead set on having a girl. i had already bought girl things, knew exactly how i wanted to decorate her room, had agreat name picked out etc. Imagine my shock when a little weiner appeared on that screen at our gender ultrasound . I cried alot, I tried to make my family believe it was because I was happy to be seeing a healthy baby, but in the room alone with my husband after the ultrasound i told him i was crying because it was a boy. I didn't want a boy. I didn't know what to do with a boy or how to connect to him. I felt so disconnected from the rest of the pregnancy, I had honestly lost most of my excitement about it. And i also felt extremely guilty or feeling this way. And then he was born. I had an emergency c-section that I was put to sleep for, and when i woke up and they wheeled my to the nursery to see him, I absolutely lost it. He was so beautiful. So perfect. So tiny and innocent and wonderful. I had never experienced love or adoration for another person like that in my life. And now at 16 months old, he is incredibly charming, smart, sweet and affectionate. He's definitely the light of my life, as cheesy as it sounds to say. I know it's hard to want something and be given something totally different. I promise it will all fall into place for you. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up about it, don't feel guilty. You already love him so much, even if you can't connect to those feelings yet.

[TrammellyFamily]

Originally Posted by nkmcginty as far as the gender disappointment goes, i totally understand! when i was preg with our first i was so completely dead set on having a girl. i had already bought girl things, knew exactly how i wanted to decorate her room, had agreat name picked out etc. Imagine my shock when a little weiner appeared on that screen at our gender ultrasound . I cried alot, I tried to make my family believe it was because I was happy to be seeing a healthy baby, but in the room alone with my husband after the ultrasound i told him i was crying because it was a boy. I didn't want a boy. I didn't know what to do with a boy or how to connect to him. I felt so disconnected from the rest of the pregnancy, I had honestly lost most of my excitement about it. And i also felt extremely guilty or feeling this way. And then he was born. I had an emergency c-section that I was put to sleep for, and when i woke up and they wheeled my to the nursery to see him, I absolutely lost it. He was so beautiful. So perfect. So tiny and innocent and wonderful. I had never experienced love or adoration for another person like that in my life. And now at 16 months old, he is incredibly charming, smart, sweet and affectionate. He's definitely the light of my life, as cheesy as it sounds to say. I know it's hard to want something and be given something totally different. I promise it will all fall into place for you. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up about it, don't feel guilty. You already love him so much, even if you can't connect to those feelings yet.

I feel the same with this one. ;( But I KNOW I will adore him. I just thought it was a girl for some reason?

[Michelle_M]

OP.. I was just wondering if you got your letter done, sent and responded to yet.

God bless!

[MandaMommy2]

OMG I think I would cry and punch the lady in the face. I've suffered many miscarriages and now I'm pregnant again and freaking out because I'm having a hard time being happy because I'm so afraid that something bad will happen. You should run not walk to a new provider. You need someone who will take care of your physical and emotions needs, not criticize you. Good luck. Hugs!!!

[Mjnslce]

WOW I am so sorry that you had to go through this! I also have gender dissepiments! It is a hard thing to deal with. I agree that when the baby is here you will feel better but for now it is hard. One thing that helped me a bit was picking out his name? just a thought if you hadn’t yet. I understand the disconnected part and think the midwife was way out of line with the comment about the heartbeat! I would be so upset! There is a lot to deal with in a pregnancy she should have been supportive and not so negative. I also agree with many other mama's that you need to let your midwife know how she made you feel. Hugs!!!

[katt42]

UPDATE!!

I completely forgot to give you ladies an update on my issue! So sorry. My appointment was last week and I was sad to learn that the new midwife had treated other clients in the same way she had treated me. Initially I was told that she was more on the medical end of treatment than on the midwifery model of care end. She apparently treated patients poorly due to what she believed was unhealthy pre-pregnancy weights that are actually perfectly healthy. We discussed her level of crazy that she shared with me and the staff was very apologetic and let me know that she was not a good fit for the practice or the clients. I am relieved that I don't have to worry about dealing with that woman again!

I feel bad for my midwife, since I know that she could use the additional help and that she had hoped to call a handful of people that were on her waiting list.

The other good news is that I am actually starting to believe that I am going to have a baby and I am more accepting of the fact that we are having a boy. If only we could agree on a name!

Thanks again for all of your concern and advice.

[katt42]

UPDATE!!

I completely forgot to give you ladies an update on my issue! So sorry. My appointment was last week and I was sad to learn that the new midwife had treated other clients in the same way she had treated me. Initially I was told that she was more on the medical end of treatment than on the midwifery model of care end. She apparently treated patients poorly due to what she believed was unhealthy pre-pregnancy weights that are actually perfectly healthy. We discussed her level of crazy that she shared with me and the staff was very apologetic and let me know that she was not a good fit for the practice or the clients. I am relieved that I don't have to worry about dealing with that woman again!

I feel bad for my midwife, since I know that she could use the additional help and that she had hoped to call a handful of people that were on her waiting list.

The other good news is that I am actually starting to believe that I am going to have a baby and I am more accepting of the fact that we are having a boy. If only we could agree on a name!

Thanks again for all of your concern and advice.

[ajjulian]

So glad you will not have to deal with her again! I am right with on the boy thing, name and all.