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Old 05-02-2012, 12:13 PM   #11
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Re: anyone else with a failed VBAC?

I'm so sorry you feel cheated mama. But don't feel bad because you had 2 C-sections. You DID bring your babies safely into this world, even if it wasn't the 'natural' way. I certainly understand your feelings of unfairness. We lost DD1's identical twin at 31 weeks and had an emergency C-section to save DD1. I look around at the all women who smoked and drank and had no prenatal care during pregnancy, and never took care of themselves, and successfully carried 2 babies to term and I just don't understand why my baby was taken from me. I did everything I was supposed to do, and it wasn't easy. I don't know what to say to that feeling of unfairness, because I'm not over it, either.

But I will say that you still birthed your babies! You carried two beautiful, healthy children in your body until they were ready to join the world, and there was nothing you did wrong, sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to.

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Old 05-02-2012, 02:32 PM   #12
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Re: anyone else with a failed VBAC?

It's a greiving process for sure. It's good to let yourself feel how you feel and talk about it. ((hugs)). I understand being happy for others, yet sad for yourself. I remember getting very frustrated because I was careful during my 1st pregnancy, never even took tylenol, did all the right things, had a completely natural homebirth, and my son got stuck and injured because of his shoulder dystocia. He almost died and I did everything "right" and I couldn't birth him right. Then a year later, I watched my sister get induced, get an epi, and have a textbook birth with only 3 pushes and no tearing to my 9lbs+ nephew. I was happy it went well, but jealous because she increased her risks of things going wrong and they didn't; yet I kept my risks at a minimum and they did go wrong!

Same thing with nursing. My defective breasts can't make more than 2 Tbsp. of milk per feeding (even with pumping, nursing, meds/herbs, tinctures, placenta encapsulation) and I tried sooo hard. And some moms have enough milk for twins and choose not to nurse. I was like, "Why can't I even have the decision?"

I have come to the conclusion that though MOST women are made to give birth, things in nature aren't always *perfect*. Just like tornadoes, earthquakes, tsnumais happen... so do shoulder dystocias, death, and trauma to baby/mamas. In nature there is death, and I am thankful I can have healthy babies via c-section now; but I still get bummed too that nature wasn't as kind to me as it's been to other woman. Though I love being a mom, birthing my babies and nursing has not come easily to me. But things in life can't always come easily to us. Sometimes things require more of us than we want them to. And it's humbling and painful too, but how it stretches us!

((hugs)).
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Old 05-02-2012, 07:06 PM   #13
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Yes to a failed VBAC and those crazy jealous feelings whenever I hear about someone giving birth naturally. I've always thought I was tougher than the average cookie too so it stings when I hear about easy births.

Anyway, before the second section, the midwives were so optimistic about my chances. After birth #2 basically stalled at the same point (7cm) for the same reason (big baby sitting transverse) they changed their tune making it so much easier for me to accept the outcome. Basically they said, in any other era and in many areas of the world either you or the baby would not be here. So yeah, I'm just thankful we have safe ways to get those babies out now! It definitely helps to think about it that way.
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Old 05-02-2012, 07:19 PM   #14
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Re: anyone else with a failed VBAC?

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Yes to a failed VBAC and those crazy jealous feelings whenever I hear about someone giving birth naturally. I've always thought I was tougher than the average cookie too so it stings when I hear about easy births.

Anyway, before the second section, the midwives were so optimistic about my chances. After birth #2 basically stalled at the same point (7cm) for the same reason (big baby sitting transverse) they changed their tune making it so much easier for me to accept the outcome. Basically they said, in any other era and in many areas of the world either you or the baby would not be here. So yeah, I'm just thankful we have safe ways to get those babies out now! It definitely helps to think about it that way.
I know that this sentiment is not comforting for some people, but it did help me a lot. I have to believe that there is some reason why my kids, especially my 2nd, were c-section babies. I have no idea what the reason was, but there had to be a reason. They were born healthy and had no adverse affects and I am eternally grateful for that.
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Old 05-02-2012, 07:23 PM   #15
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Re: anyone else with a failed VBAC?

I had 2 natural vaginal births, one at home and one a transfer from a birthing center to hosp. Then I had a c-sect. for my SN son who had a brain cyst. I tried for a vbac after and failed. We were 16 days late and the Dr. insisted I had to be induced. My LO was only 8.6 lbs, same as my oldest. I should have been able to do it.
I blame all the interventions that happened at the hosp. Of all my labors this last was the most horrific. It is very hard to keep your focus, relax and move as you need to at the hosp. with everyone pestering you to do this or that. It goes against all your instincts of a safe place to birth for a lot of women. It surely did for me. Contractions on pit are simply unnatural.

You may still be able to do it.
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Old 05-02-2012, 08:04 PM   #16
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I can totally realate. Both of my friends just has easy, fast home births. One in Feb and one in march. I'm truely happy for them but extremely jealous!

When I found out I needed a csection with DS(low fluid, no induction due to previous csection) I cried and cried. I don't think I stooped crying all day. I couldn't even call DH to tell him. My mom had too I was too upset. I thought that was it. I'd always have csections. Then in July when DS was a few months old AGOG changed their view and recommends a tolac for vba2c! I was so hopeful and it gave me baby fever like crazy. We didn't plan this baby. It was a huge surprise. So when I found out I was pregnancy I had done no research on Drs or midwifes. I luckily found a great midwife the first try. She's amazing. This pregnancy has been so different for me. I always leave my appointments feeling motivated and good about myself and the pregnancy. And in a few weeks(6 or so!) I will be having my own amazing home birth.

I believe you CAN do it! With the right support and mindset its an option! Everyday I think about failing and I tell myself its not going to happen. I don't let that fear bring down my spirits.
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Old 05-03-2012, 04:51 AM   #17
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Re: anyone else with a failed VBAC?

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Originally Posted by jaelynsmommy61607 View Post
I can totally realate. Both of my friends just has easy, fast home births. One in Feb and one in march. I'm truely happy for them but extremely jealous!

When I found out I needed a csection with DS(low fluid, no induction due to previous csection) I cried and cried. I don't think I stooped crying all day. I couldn't even call DH to tell him. My mom had too I was too upset. I thought that was it. I'd always have csections. Then in July when DS was a few months old AGOG changed their view and recommends a tolac for vba2c! I was so hopeful and it gave me baby fever like crazy. We didn't plan this baby. It was a huge surprise. So when I found out I was pregnancy I had done no research on Drs or midwifes. I luckily found a great midwife the first try. She's amazing. This pregnancy has been so different for me. I always leave my appointments feeling motivated and good about myself and the pregnancy. And in a few weeks(6 or so!) I will be having my own amazing home birth.

I believe you CAN do it! With the right support and mindset its an option! Everyday I think about failing and I tell myself its not going to happen. I don't let that fear bring down my spirits.
The OP's baby would have most likely been a shoulder dystocia... she had a lot of signs like I did (my first was a severe shoulder dystocia resulting in his severe birth injury and almost death and I labored for a few days with my 3rd son like the OP did and he would have been one without the c/s). Her baby was too big for her pelvic outlet and so it didn't matter the support and mindset she had. Physically it was not gonna happen. I hate to sound short, but I get tired of people saying it's all about attitude... sometimes physically it's just not possible. I said, "I can do this, I can do this" most of my 30 hour back labor and had the best attitude, but he still got stuck, still got injured... my body just couldn't do it. Hers just couldn't do it. Attitude/support or not. Sometimes that doesn't make a difference.

To the OP, your body made two beautiful babies. It's not a failure. I know how I struggled with feelings of inadequacy when I couldn't birth my babies right and couldn't nurse them fully. I felt so un-womanly. In time, the pain gets less sharp. It might always sting a bit, but as your kids get older, the sharp ache eases some.
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Old 05-03-2012, 06:43 AM   #18
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Re: anyone else with a failed VBAC?

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You may still be able to do it.
No, my failed VBAC is proof that I cannot birth a large baby. Nor can I grow small babies. I blamed interventions for my first, but now I just know that even without them my first also would have been a csection. I've always had a bad pelvis needing frequent chiro adjustments. And even tho I dieted and exercised during my 2nd pregnancy, my 2nd was bigger thanmy first! (I had blamed DS1's large birth weight on bad eating, but now I just know that my body grows babies too big to birth.) There's just no way their 15" heads would have fit thru.
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Old 05-03-2012, 12:20 PM   #19
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I was so depressed after my first c section and subsequent divorce that I went into counseling. It helped me tremendously. I've been to several doctors in an attempt to correct my tilted cervix and they all tell me the same thing, unless the baby is less than 5 lbs, it's gonna be A c section.
My first was 9 9 second was 8 4 and this one due any day is already weighing in at 8 lbs. After months of counseling I finally realized that a c section is birthing your baby and that we are all different. Those feeling came rushing back when my little sister had her son in 2009. She was in jail most f her pregnancy, ate horribly, smoked, did drugs and had three hour 4 push pregnancy and my nephew was perfect. My only consolation is that even will all of that going for her, she never bonded with him. My mom raises him and has since he was born. I am lucky to have had two beautiful children that I have cloth diapered and nursed until they were 1 and 2. I know it's tough but try to remember the good. You've had healthy babies, you are a great mama and we were all made differently for a reason.

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Old 05-04-2012, 09:40 PM   #20
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Re: anyone else with a failed VBAC?

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Originally Posted by aries416 View Post
I know that this sentiment is not comforting for some people, but it did help me a lot. I have to believe that there is some reason why my kids, especially my 2nd, were c-section babies. I have no idea what the reason was, but there had to be a reason. They were born healthy and had no adverse affects and I am eternally grateful for that.

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A mother's FIRST job in her child's life is to be able to birth her baby and bring it safely into this world, and I Can't do that. I'm a failure
....
My body can't do it. Now the only direction my finger of blame can point is right back at me. The only person I can hate is me. I'm just not meant to bring children into this world.
I did not have a failed VBAC and never will, because I cannot have children any other way than by c-section. I did not know this until my due date, when my baby hadn't dropped and my doctor told me his suspicion was that my pelvic arch was far too narrow. My mom's was the exact same way and found out when her water broke with me, and I got so stuck I was a true emergency c-section.

So, I went into this with my mom's wisdom. She had 29 years to get over it to help me not freak out. She had both my brother and I by C/S. She reminded me of the people he and I are, and what we have contributed to the world. How she can honestly say the world is a better place because of some particular small and large things we have done. You never know what your children are destined for. One of them may do something truly great.

Maybe you couldn't get them out on your own, but you grew them. You gave them their genes, nourished them in utero, and obviously have that mama bear fighting instinct that will make sure they turn into good little citizens. Your mind and your heart will teach them to read, and the difference between right and wrong, and how to love with all their hearts. No matter how they got here.

So what if you couldn't birth them totally on your own and needed surgical help to do that last little bit. That C/S was 45 mins after 40 weeks of growing that person. A microcosm in a larger macrocosm. You need to be nice to yourself. Teach your kids to be as good as they can be to their fellow citizens, this planet, and everyone around them. Then, you will be a success.
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