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Old 05-02-2012, 10:01 PM   #41
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Re: I don't know what to do, 4yo leaving the house

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Originally Posted by JeDeeLenae View Post
I suggest getting the door alarms. One for her door and one for each of the doors to the outside. I wouldn't advise locking her in her room, how will she go potty? You may need to adjust bedtime too. She may be going to bed too early, and you, too late

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Old 05-02-2012, 10:08 PM   #42
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Re: I don't know what to do, 4yo leaving the house

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I'm sorry, but I have to say your post and this idea bothers me. There could be multiple reasons why I child might need to get to an adult... what if she was throwing up in the middle of the night or otherwise sick, or if she had an accident in bed, or for some reason there was an emergency and the adults couldn't get to her...

I did my internship at CPS and had a BF that was the chief of a fire department. I guarantee locking kids in rooms would be frowned on by both entities. If it's for a short time during the day for their safety as a consequence (like maybe for a time out with extreme behavior), but at night, if the parents are already not hearing the child get out and leave the house... I'd say it makes it even more dangerous.
here where i live if u were to have a lock on the outside of the childs door CPS/fire deparment would tell u too remove it. if u dont they would charge u for neglect & possiblt remove the children. there fine w/ alarms on the doors since they still let the kids get out of there rooms if needed but the parents know there leeving.
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Old 05-02-2012, 10:52 PM   #43
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Re: I don't know what to do, 4yo leaving the house

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I don't think all four year olds have the same fear as other kids. Some kids can be told "it's not safe, a coyote could kill you" and they'd be terrified to open the door. Other four year olds will say "No.. I'll kill the coyote" and even give you a visual of their ninja skills.

BUT, I do expect that a four year old would understand "Do not EVER open the front door again!!" <--not in my optional sweet voice either......then i'd have a severe consequence. (I can't even think of an appropriate severe consequence though...LOL)

If there's no consequence, and only sweet lecture, she has no reason to learn anything. She might comprehend it, but doesn't really care. It's like a speeding ticket. If you were only going to get a letter in the mail saying how it's dangerous to speed, you would probably still speed...but, since you are going to get an expensive ticket, and points on your insurance, you tend to be more mindful of it.

I still think she just needs a little lock. I understand money being very tight...so, I would never suggest an expensive lock right now. But, I do think a .75 lock will at least slow her down.
I agree with all of this! I know a mom who is very against spanking but she told me about the time her DS went running into the street at age 2, and said "I gave him a pop on the bum for that! And I'd do it again if I had to...but he never did it again." I'm NOT suggesting OP spank her kids, but I agree there needs to be a meaningful consequence for the behavior. I think punishments are best suited for a situation like this, where the outcome could be deadly if it keeps happening. I also agree that children who aren't autistic are totally capable of behavior like this. I happen to be the mother of both the kid who would kill the coyote and the kid who would hide in fear forever. Kids are different.
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Old 05-02-2012, 11:00 PM   #44
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Re: I don't know what to do, 4yo leaving the house

She sounds like she needs the fear of god put into her. She is 4 years old, she should know better than to leave the house without an adult. If she was my child there would be MAJOR consequences for such behavior. She needs to learn that action will not be tolerated. I would invest in the door alarms at the Dollar tree as they are inexpensive and very loud.
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Old 05-03-2012, 02:08 AM   #45
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Wow, thank you all for the suggestions. Wasn't expecting the overflow, lol.

DH put locks on the front and back door (barrel lock and chain lock) way up high so hopefully that will work. We have all the beds in one room so there's no "her room"to put bells on or anything. I doubt any type of motion noise would help because my alarm has to go off for 5 minutes before I hear it, I'm a dead sleeper, lol.

I do have the thought of CPS showing up on my kind almost constantly too. The house is mostly clean, but we've had bugs for two years and I've tried everything under the sun to get rid if them...

DD was in an early prevention program because her speech and cognative skills were delayed (at 19mo she wasn't even babbling). I asked about autism, but they reassured me her social skills didn't match that of being on the spectrum. I think I'm approaching her wrong, I tend to ask while she's still upset from me being upset, so she it's simply confused. Once she is calmed down she tends to understand a lot better.

My biggest problem is self motivation. We have no set schedule. We barely have a routine past "wake up, eat, live, bed". I feel horrible about it but I am slowly getting better (I hope).

Again, thank you all very much.
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Old 05-03-2012, 06:35 AM   #46
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Re: I don't know what to do, 4yo leaving the house

Very happy that you've got locks installed!

Mama, you are pretty young, but I can see you are quite aware of what needs changing. You've identified where the problem lies. Do set your schedule. A lot of mamas on here are very good at sticking to routines. Im sure you'll find threads along those lines. Just ask, and you'll find an overflow just like this thread!
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Old 05-03-2012, 06:58 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by topazdodge

I'm sorry, but I have to say your post and this idea bothers me. There could be multiple reasons why I child might need to get to an adult... what if she was throwing up in the middle of the night or otherwise sick, or if she had an accident in bed, or for some reason there was an emergency and the adults couldn't get to her...

I did my internship at CPS and had a BF that was the chief of a fire department. I guarantee locking kids in rooms would be frowned on by both entities. If it's for a short time during the day for their safety as a consequence (like maybe for a time out with extreme behavior), but at night, if the parents are already not hearing the child get out and leave the house... I'd say it makes it even more dangerous.
Who said they're not going to be able to get to an adult? We're not talking about no adults being home. That would be a whole different situation and a problem obviously.
The fire department says that young kids do not leave houses on their own, they hide.
I don't really understand the not hearing thing, if that's a problem then it needs to be fixed no matter what, if you can't hear your kids how do you attend to a baby in the night? I not a particular light sleeper (or particularly heavy) but I can't imagine not hearing my kids at night. Though house layouts could be different, which is why they make baby monitors.
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Old 05-03-2012, 06:59 AM   #48
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Re: I don't know what to do, 4yo leaving the house

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Originally Posted by pumkinsmommy View Post
This is quite simple: keyed dead bolts. You use a key inside and out to unlock the door. We have them on both of doors as they have windows.
My concern with this is that in the case of an actual emergency, you may end up locked in accidentally...which could be tragic.

I personally would go with the door chime, or the swing bolt (posted by a PP) up at the top of the door. With the swing bolt their is no chance of the key getting taken out, or lost, or whatnot in an emergency.
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Old 05-03-2012, 08:23 AM   #49
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Re: I don't know what to do, 4yo leaving the house

Glad you got some locks on the door! Since you are all in the same room it might be a good idea to put a gate up in the doorway! That way she can't get out of the room without jumping up and down on you to get you up I know if I hear dd's little feet going down the hall I better get up IMMEDIATELY because she will get into the fridge in search of sugar and tear it apart. lol!

I have also had that issue with no scheduling... I suggest adding two things at first to start, one active and at specific times. When you are comfortable with that, add another thing or two. I am much happier with a little more structure to our days, but it's hard when trying to survive with preschoolers. Just don't beat yourself up.
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Old 05-03-2012, 08:48 AM   #50
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Re: I don't know what to do, 4yo leaving the house

Mama for the scares! I have a SN child who just doesn't get that leaving the house without an adult is dangerous. He is 4.5 years old. I have learned that there are certain knobs that are harder to open for him than others and we have switched over. I also was a pretty light sleeper, but I learned to be even lighter. You can train yourself to sleep lighter.
We made a sturdy porch gate with the locking mechanism on the outside to help with the front door locks and the back door has a locking screen door that he hasn't figured out yet (Thank goodness!) Locking him in his room at night is not an option, because he is up multiple times a night to use the potty. He also has seizures at night so his door is always open and ours is open when we go to sleep so we can hear any movement that may be suspicious.
A simple chain lock high on the inside that you get up and latch after DH goes to work with an alarm (bells or electronic) will solve the problem. I agree with the previous posts about double key locks. They can be dangerous in an emergency situation the same with locking kids in rooms.
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