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Old 05-03-2012, 06:19 PM   #21
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Re: Had the circumcision talk with DF!!

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How exactly does one compromise on the issue of circumcision? Either you do it, or not. Is there any middle ground there? Not trying to be snarky or start a debate... but I've heard the "I will compromise" bit many times on circ threads, and never understood it.
Right? someone is going to not get their way. i would never ever consent to such an act.

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Old 05-03-2012, 06:28 PM   #22
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Re: Had the circumcision talk with DF!!

Eh, I guess the only real middle ground would be to just delay the choice and let the baby make the decision when he reaches teenhood/adulthood. I'm not saying that snarkily, but removing the decision entirely from both parents is the closest thing that exists to a middle ground
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Old 05-03-2012, 06:39 PM   #23
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Re: Had the circumcision talk with DF!!

yay, that's awesome mama! I was so worried about bringing it up with DH, fretted over it for days, finally came to him one day (crying) and told him I couldn't do it, that I would regret it every day of my life if I let him choose. (I'm from New Zealand and had never even heard of it before getting pregnant!) And after all that he hardly cared, he just thought it was what you did, didn't really know you could even NOT do it, so he said OK and now he's the one who is telling people why they shouldn't do it and is restoring <3 the more he learns about it the more against it he is!
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Old 05-03-2012, 09:44 PM   #24
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Re: Had the circumcision talk with DF!!

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Originally Posted by MyLovely View Post
Eh, I guess the only real middle ground would be to just delay the choice and let the baby make the decision when he reaches teenhood/adulthood. I'm not saying that snarkily, but removing the decision entirely from both parents is the closest thing that exists to a middle ground
What I mean by compromise is discussing it rather than one of us saying "my way or the highway". At least now I know we're going to discuss this and come to a decision together. And if we do decide to circ, I probably will choose to wait untila fter we leave the hospital. Nothing needs to be done immediately. That's what I mean by "compromise" since in this situation there's no real compromise obviously.

Again this isn't about the CIRC specifically. it's the fact that my normally stubborn DF actually agreed to think about not donig something that is considered the "norm" here and just done, not discussed. I thought i was going to have a huge arguement over this with him immediately shutting me down but the fact that he's put his pride aside means a lot to me. End of story.
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Old 05-04-2012, 06:15 AM   #25
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Re: Had the circumcision talk with DF!!

Before my husband and I got married I told him it was not even an option. Period. I thought it was something I could compromise on much earlier but when I learned more about it there was no choice. Even if it meant we didn't get married, there was no way I would allow something thing that I KNOW is wrong to happen to my child. If that was the be all and end all for him then I wasn't the person for him to marry.
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Old 05-04-2012, 11:59 AM   #26
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Re: Had the circumcision talk with DF!!

When we found out we were having boys I asked dh what he thought (I really was against the idea but we had never discussed it) - he said he really hadn't given it much thought and I asked if he would research it and form an opinion. He came to me and told me we would not be circ'ing the boys. While we would totally support any of them if they decided to as older children, the not having a voice argument was the most persuasive for him. I think a lot of men just don't really think about it - so good for your dh!

Though mine also did rationalize that since our boys would likely be in the locker rooms together that the odds were on their side
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Old 05-04-2012, 05:06 PM   #27
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Re: Had the circumcision talk with DF!!

Before kids DH said he would get a vasectomy once we were finished however, now that we have two boys and he doesn't want anymore he has done nothing about scheduling an appointment to have it done.

He prefers not to use condoms and I have already told him that I am coming very close to not wanting to use birth controls pills any more.

I use the mini-pill currently because I am still nursing but having almost died from an ectopic pregnancy at 12 weeks a few years ago I am nervous about it happening again and the chances are more likely on this particular pill.

SNIP-SNIP! When we talk with his brothers or male friends they all seem to think that it is the WOMAN's job to have her tubes tide.

DH's father failed to get a V when he agreed to do it and sure enough my in-laws had an unexpected LO almost a decade after they thought they were done. SMILE
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Old 05-04-2012, 06:47 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trulyprecious
Before kids DH said he would get a vasectomy once we were finished however, now that we have two boys and he doesn't want anymore he has done nothing about scheduling an appointment to have it done.

He prefers not to use condoms and I have already told him that I am coming very close to not wanting to use birth controls pills any more.

I use the mini-pill currently because I am still nursing but having almost died from an ectopic pregnancy at 12 weeks a few years ago I am nervous about it happening again and the chances are more likely on this particular pill.

SNIP-SNIP! When we talk with his brothers or male friends they all seem to think that it is the WOMAN's job to have her tubes tide.

DH's father failed to get a V when he agreed to do it and sure enough my in-laws had an unexpected LO almost a decade after they thought they were done. SMILE
Oops mama. You posted this in a circ thread not in the big V thread.

Amanda . Blaming my phone for typos and crap.
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Old 05-04-2012, 07:09 PM   #29
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Re: Had the circumcision talk with DF!!

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Yeah is you MUST circ insist on NO plastibell!
Agree wholeheartedly! Both my boys are circ'ed. DH watched both, second was a plastibell. DH came out visibly upset after watching the plastibell procedure, totally upset, then the thing stays on for like a week?!? I was upset about that. Wish I had known better then.
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Old 05-04-2012, 08:40 PM   #30
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Dh wanted it done and I did not. He did not have any adequate reasoning to have DS circ'd. His reasons were the typical "he is going to look different"' well, yes he will.....he is his own person. "other kids will tease him"' well no....could you imagine how much the kid who talks about looking at someone else's penis is going to get teased? And anyhow, the circ rates are decreasing. "it has always been done", well, that doesn't mean we have to continue doing it.

I spoke up for my son and said we are not doing it unless there is a medical reason it should be done. My son was made as he was and it is not my place to say that we need to cut any part of his body off to make him look "better" or "correct." He was born the way he was made and that is perfection.

Dh still thinks it should be done and he can think that. But I was not going to cut off my sons' skin b/c my dh "thinks" he shouldn't have it. If our son didn't need it then it wouldn't be part of his body.

Thankfully for threads like these and intactivists I was able to protect my son. I fully admit I was one of those people who would have just done it without questioning or researching. I'm so thankful to have read threads like these so I could wake up and wonder why.
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