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Old 10-11-2013, 01:09 PM   #1
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Who would get your kids?

Who would get your kids if both you and your partner died? Have you talked about it? Have it written down? Do these people know you've chosen them? Did it cause hard feelings? What do you do if there are multiple contenders, or none at all?

Reason I'm asking- dh and I have been looking at life insurances and it had us thinking about mortality. I'm sure we need to discuss who would get the kids if we died. IMO, I've narrowed the choices to two- dh's cousin or my brother. Both are married with two kids. I'm leaning towards my brother because sil is sahm and their kids are the same age as ours. However, they are ultra hippy and dh doesn't particularly like that. There's lots of family in the area to help them. Also, they plan on private school and would not be able to do that if we added our 4 to theirs, so I feel like there might be resentment? How do we figure this out?

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Old 10-11-2013, 01:13 PM   #2
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DH and I are in this predicament with our LO due in April. Unfortunately, we don't trust any of our siblings with our kid! Not sure what we might do, without upsetting people or hurting feelings.

As far as the private schooling goes, maybe your life insurance could go toward that so that all 4 kids could go? Just a thought.
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Old 10-11-2013, 01:17 PM   #3
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Re: Who would get your kids?

My sister would get them.
DH's family would be upset, but everyone but DH lives in Mexico, and my kids don't know them, so for them to move to a unknown country, don't speak the language and don't know the family (beside's phone calls, and DH translates), and dealing the death of myself and DH, the best choice would be to go to my sisters, who is in their lives daily!
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Old 10-11-2013, 01:25 PM   #4
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My brother and his wife. We have it in our will and they are aware but no one else knows, we didn't see a point in publicizing it because we know it will cause hard feelings. My brother has a copy of our will and insurance and has access to our important papers like ss cards and birth certificates. Our insurance should be enough to pay all of our debts and be plenty left to raise our kids without them having to contribute anything financially.
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Old 10-11-2013, 01:28 PM   #5
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As far as the private schooling goes, maybe your life insurance could go toward that so that all 4 kids could go? Just a thought.
There's enough life insurance for about $100k/year in interest to draw from. I suppose that could cover the cost of schooling, but wouldn't help with added expenses of adding four kids. My brother is smart, responsible, and financially savvy, but I'm not sure even he can pull that off lol. I have no idea what the private school costs ($20k/yr?), and it may rise as the kids get older.
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Old 10-11-2013, 01:31 PM   #6
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My sister and bil would get our children if we were to both die. They have the same beliefs we do and would be the closest to us raising them . My brother was a little offended that we did not choose him and his wife. I simply explained to him that they already have three children to care for while my sister and bil have none. We have it in writing and in our will that they are to get them . We don't want dh's family to try and fight for them as they are in no way able to care for them .
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Old 10-11-2013, 01:31 PM   #7
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Re: Who would get your kids?

We made the decision before we had my oldest and I have an online will that I had notarized the first year of my DS's life- my mom keeps it in their safe deposit box which I also have access to. It states that DS1 and any future children will go to my parents. We've never revised it to add additional children. They are young enough and would raise them like we would. After them, it's my sister. It was difficult to tell DH's family but I let him handle it. I wasn't even around for the conversation. I think his parents did have their feelings hurt but they are 10+ years older than my parents and we have religious differences so it wouldn't be a good fit. We aren't close with DH's brother so they wouldn't expect us to do anything different. I'm first on my sister's list but she's second on mine. She didn't seem hurt by that at all. She knows that homeschool is a huge priority for DH and I...she would have a really difficult time doing that.

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Old 10-11-2013, 01:40 PM   #8
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Re: Who would get your kids?

In order of survivors

My second to youngest sister and her husband
My parents
My youngest sister and her husband
My youngest brother
Should a freak accident happen and none of those survive us then it would be friends of ours.

Should a really, really freak accident happen and those listed relatives plus the friends not survive us than I have a list of like 8 other siblings who would be in line to take our children. After them is a list of like a dozen cousins plus Aunts and Uncles who could take them. The friends come before the other relatives as our wish is that our children be raised with our religious beliefs. The first list of relatives share our beliefs so they are first in line.
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Old 10-11-2013, 02:00 PM   #9
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Re: Who would get your kids?

My parents would. They would fight tooth and nail for them. I am their only child and these kids are their lives. They know it and even though it would be hard, they would do it.
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Old 10-11-2013, 02:02 PM   #10
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Re: Who would get your kids?

Our 3 go to DH's parents. If they can't take them, they go to my parents. If they can't take them, they go to DH's sister and her husband, but I would like to consider changing that to my sister and her husband because at the time, DH's sister and her hubby only had 3 children. Well, they now have 6 kids, and money is a bit tight. I know they would get our life insurance, but it would really be an upheaval, as they'd have to find a new house.

Anyway, we do have it in our wills to go in the order I posted. We asked each of them, as well. If for some reason none of our family was acceptable, we have some friends we would've asked.
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