Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-15-2012, 04:57 AM   #1
s2grace's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Midwest US
Posts: 1,528
incompatible UPDATED 5/22 & 5/24

We had our visit with the perinatologist yesterday. Our last u/s with the midwives had shown a shadow on the heart (EIF). This apt was to check things out. We got in right away and the tech was fast. The Dr. came in during the scan and the questions he was asking her was a bit unnerving. He came back in a few minutes later and basically said there are a number of problems and he's thinking it's something chromosomal. So he did an amnio and then called us in his office.

It's not good. It doesn't look like our little girl will be "compatible with life" She has some major heart problems, enlarged kidneys, extra fluid on her brain, and something with the valves in the brain. He's thinking Trisomy 18 or 13 but won't know for sure. If it's not chromosomal, the problems combined don't make the outcome good anyway. He said chances are high that she'll be stillborn.

I don't even know what to think. we spent all day yesterday crying. We told just immediate family. DH wants to wait for the results next tuesday before we share. I woke up at 4 am and prayed that God would let me hold her alive. I want so bad to believe that there is hope but the dr. was so good and thorough that i think he laid it out there well. It's not a matter of if, it's just when and how. After tuesday we'll have some decisions to make. Again, I just want to hold her.

I don't know how to do this. How do we tell my 3yo? How do we help her understand that her sister isn't coming home with us? How do I walk around pregnant and listen to people chat about the baby? How do I tell neighbors and everyone? We are going to go away for a few days just our family. DH has cancelled his weekend Indy 500 next weekend.

I'd love any prayers you all can give. Pray for peace for us, for this next week to go fast and for her to keep kicking You ladies are such a great source of encouragement, thank you.

5/21/12 The dr. called today and she has Trisomy 13. We are so so sad. He said that there is a high chance she'll be still born as her heart is so sick and it will need more to work as she grows. We are praying and trusting that God is in control.

5/24/12 We have the choice to deliver at the hospital with the specialist or with our drs. in a smaller hospital since the outcome will not affect the baby (meaning, she's still going to die) we met with our dr. yesterday and are going to deliver with our local dr. We very much appreciated talking with him. He answered all of our questions about what it will look like, what going full term would look like, a still birth, etc. I am a vbac so he wants us to meet with all the drs. in the practice so they'll be able to know our situation.

We are going to treat this as a regular pregnancy and go bi weekly for now and if she makes it that far, then weekly. I have great peace about that. If it gets too hard emotionally (that seems almost comical, too hard? this feels TOO hard already) then we can talk about other options but for today... we are playing outside, eating popsicles, and trying to enjoy her kicks and movements. I'm grateful for each day we have with her.

Thanks ladies.


Shannon- married to DH for seven years, mom to DD 6/10/08, DS 8/29/10 and Gabriella Marie (Ella), born on 7/5/12 with Trisomy 13 and in heaven with Jesus. And our rainbow- DS2 12/24/13

Last edited by s2grace; 05-24-2012 at 04:54 PM.
s2grace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2012, 05:36 AM   #2
Bhavana's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: India
Posts: 1,068
My Mood:
Re: incompatible

So sorry mama....your LO's prognosis makes my stomach go into must be so hard to walk around carrying her safely yet knowing she isnt alright.
All those crunchy things and more Amma to DS1(9.2007) and DS2(1.2011)
Bhavana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2012, 06:17 AM   #3
happymama1's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,900
My Mood:
Re: incompatible

oh mama! I'm praying that they are wrong!! we received a difficult diagnosis with my son, but he surprised us all and is doing well today...

during my pregnancy, i read all about mother's who carry their babies to term in spite of the diagnosis...many had pictures taken (during the pregnancy and at the baby's birth) with a program called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep....I think it is free. Beautiful photos....there are also websites one....

I would encourage you to try to connect with other mom's who have gone through this. I'm so sorry and many prayers for your baby, for you and for your family!
wife to mama to my
never forgetting my tiny babies 11/13/09, 4/12/2012, 5/24/2012, 4/22/2014
hoping for another baby
happymama1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2012, 06:57 AM   #4
Registered Users
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 98
My Mood:
Re: incompatible

Hey mama, pm'ing you.
golfrchic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2012, 07:29 AM   #5
NorwexMa's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: SD
Posts: 833
Re: incompatible

No words to say....
Leah, PT WOHM to DD (5yr) DS (3 yr) and DD Married to a farming addicted DH.

I enjoy being thrifty green with Norwex!
NorwexMa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2012, 07:41 AM   #6
tibeca's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,936
My Mood:
Re: incompatible

Tibeca, Certified Breastfeeding Specialist

Baby Monkeys on Hyena Cart
tibeca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2012, 07:55 AM   #7
chello's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Saskatchewan girl
Posts: 2,039
My Mood:
Re: incompatible

that would be heartbreaking. I'm so sorry mama keep praying!!
4 in 5 years, what were we thinking? July 07, April 09, Nov 10, and August 12
chello is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2012, 07:59 AM   #8
LittleTadpoleDesigns's Avatar
Registered Users
Formerly: littlest_one
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 921
My Mood:
Re: incompatible

I am SO sorry, mama!!

A mama from my April '09 group was faced with very nearly this same thing several months ago. Her little boy had the Trisomy 18 I believe and the feelings you are having sound so familiar as she also felt them and needed to decide what to do that was right for her and her family. I don't think anyone can imagine how much pain you are in right now having a life inside you that you know you can not keep. Her son, Jacob, would have been a couple months older than our little ones will be and letting him go was the hardest thing they have ever done. I remind myself that God knows our hearts and that He understands the pain that something like this will cause... but he also knows that we have the capacity to have SO MUCH love for these special little ones, that even a life only inside the womb for a short time is worth it for these precious little ones to experience the love of a family and a mother.
Thinking of you.
Heidi ~ Stay-at-Home Mom of 3 precious little ones

My Etsy Shop ~ Get 5% off with "DSFIVE"
Snap Belts for Preschoolers ~ Crocheted Toys ~ Custom Soother & Mitten Clips ~ Nursing Necklaces Facebook
LittleTadpoleDesigns is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2012, 08:15 AM   #9
ecomother's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: GA
Posts: 2,189
Re: incompatible

My heart goes out to you and your family
Jen Cloth diapering since 2001 mommy to S (11), J (7), Z (4), R (7-31-12)
ecomother is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2012, 08:22 AM   #10
carlaross's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Savannah, GA
Posts: 3,976
Re: incompatible

DDC, but I couldn't read and not post. and mama. I am praying they are wrong! God is still in the miracle business! I have heard so many stories like yours and the babies were fine. I will be praying for your family to have peace regardless of the outcome.
Carla ~ paramedic
wife to Chris
mama to 3 boys ages 19, 18, and 4
carlaross is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.