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Old 05-15-2012, 03:35 PM   #1
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Another doula question, especially if you've used one (or are one)

I'm still in the process of finding one. I just spoke to one who I liked. But, she told me she is a little different than other doulas because she won't come to your house. (I assume she would if I was having a home birth. ) She said if you are able to be home still, you don't need me yet. She said she is usually just watching moms clean their kitchens.

I live at least 45 minutes away from her and more from everyone else I've spoken to. I'm afraid if she waits till I'm on my way to the hospital (which is 10 minutes from me), she won't even make it. I'd like to arrive at the hospital at the very end and deliver within an hour or so. I don't want to be there before I'm just about ready to push and at least in transition. Maybe that is naive and not the way to go.

I liked her, but I'm feeling like I want my doula with me at home, partly to ensure she arrives at the hospital in time to get me over the hump that I know I'm going to hit. I also know that when I waited as long as I could to go the first time, I was NOT cleaning my kitchen. I was seriously laboring and could have used the support. Also, I guess I was thinking she might be able to help me decide when I really need to go. (Not by checking me or anything like that. I don't expect anything medical.) Maybe that is not something doulas do. Is it odd to want her at my house?

For whatever reason, I feel a little lost in trying to get a doula. My stupid hormones are kicking in and I'm wanting to cry. I suddenly feel like I need to get one NOW. (You know that feeling in pregnancy.) I'm struggling because I don't live in a big area and they are all at least 45 minutes away. I told my husband last night maybe we would just forget the doula and I'll get the epi. He said no. But, I sort of feel that way.

Sorry this is so long. I would really appreciate any insight you have for me. Thanks!!!!


Heather SAHM to 6 who are 7 and under, including 2 sets of twins and our last little miracle, a surviving identical twin, born Oct 2012!

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Old 05-15-2012, 03:38 PM   #2
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Re: Another doula question, especially if you've used one (or are one)

Hugs, no advice.
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Old 05-15-2012, 03:56 PM   #3
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Re: Another doula question, especially if you've used one (or are one)

One of the main reasons I hired a doula is so that she could be here at home with me before the midwives come! I am having a homebirth, but I would hire a doula for this reason even if I wasn't (and I did hire a doula last time for a non-homebirth). I really, really needed the support even in early labor last time, and I was so glad for my doula.

If I were you, I would look for another doula since this one won't be available to meet your needs. If you need support before you get to the hospital, you should get the support you need! I know how discouraging it is to live 45+ minutes away from everyone and not having a lot of options. It took me what seemed like forever before I found a good match for this birth, but it was SO worth spending the time looking and interviewing!

Btw, totally understand your epi vs. doula comment! I'd feel the same way!
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Old 05-15-2012, 06:05 PM   #4
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Ok, I've never used a doula before but I have to say, I would find a new one. Isn't it the doula's job to support the mom during labor?
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Old 05-15-2012, 06:17 PM   #5
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I would find a new doula. My mom is a doula and comes when the woman wants her there. It doesn't matter if shes even in true labor, my mom will go to support her client. Sometimes she's with clients for days, sometimes hours. Just depends on when they want her there. If I were to hire a doula I would expect her there whenever I called her. The doula you're speaking about sounds selfish to me.
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Old 05-15-2012, 06:39 PM   #6
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Re: Another doula question, especially if you've used one (or are one)

I would be honest with her and tell her that you like her and you want to hire her to be your doula, but you have the following needs and list them out. This isn't the first time you have done this before, you have an idea of what you need. Don't pay for services you will later be unhappy for. Consider yourself the boss and you are hiring an employee, what are the most important qualities you seek? If she doesn't meet those needs, ask her if she can, and if she isn't willing to meet your needs than go ahead and thank her for her time but don't hire her.

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Old 05-15-2012, 06:53 PM   #7
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My doula said that if I was calling her when en route to the hospital, I was waiting too long to call her. She came to my house for 2 prenatals and a postnatal visit. She was at my labor for 12 hours and only asked to leave once to go get lunch.

I'd keep interviewing doulas til you find one that clicks with you.
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Old 05-15-2012, 07:01 PM   #8
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Re: Another doula question, especially if you've used one (or are one)

What are you hoping the doula will do for you? I think that is the first question and there are very different views people as to the purpose of a doula. Until you know exactly what you want, it will be difficult to find one to meet your expectations.
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Old 05-15-2012, 07:17 PM   #9
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Re: Another doula question, especially if you've used one (or are one)

Yes, it sounds like you might not be a good fit with her. I personally would rather support a mom at her house than at the hospital. If you want to clean your kitchen during labor and you want to pay her for it, what's the problem?
I've supported a mom in the hospital, and another one mainly at home, and I really preferred being at home. To me, there's a lot more the doula can do to help at home, whereas at the hospital, I feel more restricted because of all of the policies. But that's just me.
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Old 05-15-2012, 07:21 PM   #10
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Re: Another doula question, especially if you've used one (or are one)

I would keep looking for another doula. As a doula I do go to my clients homes when they ask me to. Sometimes you want to labor at home as long as you can and you need the support at home as well as at the hospital. I once spent 2 days with a mom who wasn't dilating at all but was having really hard contractions. The hospital wouldn't admit her but she needed someone there with her. The doula is there to support the mom when she needs support. Personally my doula will come when I need her, and I will need her more at the 4cm mark then I will during transition, I have more issues coping with labor at the beginning then I do at the end.
Rosina, mommy to L (02-08-07) A (17-02-09) & A (05-06-12) the lights of my life, married to B my superhero!
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