Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-16-2012, 12:03 PM   #21
ARogers
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 1,375
Re: Yelling....how do you controll it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MDever View Post
I have been reading a very insightful book called Transforming the Difficult Child. I speaks to challenging kids that seem so unhappy but are "addicted" to the energy we give them for making bad choices. You might find it helpful.
I'm going to look into this book. I am a yeller as well. It's really hard when you are the same things over and over, day in and day out. DH says insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. That is honestly how I feel. I say the SAME THING everyday to DS and he just doesn't listen. It drives me insane and I just can't help but yell.

Advertisement

__________________
Loving wife to C SAHM to I 08/23 and M 06/06
ARogers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2012, 12:36 PM   #22
pcjs's Avatar
pcjs
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 14,206
Re: Yelling....how do you controll it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
Honestly, for some reason, sitting there has never been an issue! It kinda surprised me, but when I started it, about a year and a half ago, so about 2.5, she just sat there when I put her there.

I generally do "Supernanny style" sit in the corner. I pick her up and carry her, or take her hand and walk her to the corner. I sit her down, tell her she's in the corner for screaming at mommy/hitting sissy/kicking daddy/whatever the offense was and that she has 3 minutes in the corner. And, she just stays there. At the end of three minutes, I go over, tell her that she was there for whatever she did wrong, tell her she is not supposed to do that, then give her hugs and tell her to go play. I don't do the forced apology on Supernanny because a) I don't believe in forced apologies, b) my 3 yr old doesn't have the vocabulary to say it or understand it anyway.

I was totally prepared to have to put her back in the corner multiple times, spend a great deal of time getting her to understand the concept. But, I ended up not having to. The only possible explaination I have as to why I didn't have to is because I DID have to do it when putting her down to bed/for a nap. We spent WEEKS putting her back in her bed when she got her big girl bed. She would get up and we would put her back in bed and she would get up and we would put her back in bed and she would get up and we would put her back in bed. That went on for almost a month but she did learn that we were going to keep putting her back where we told her to go.
I did super nanny style for two nights and gave up. I spent hours each night and it was giving him the attention he wanted so it was useless so now we just put him in his room, he does what ever, and just goes to sleep (with a baby gate). Thanks for sharing it took a month. I probably need to stick with it more though the baby gate works just as well.

We don't have the hitting/kicking yet... just the tantrums and jumping.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does't force apologies. I figure when my son is more verbal we will push the issue but he's not getting it. His teacher tried to push it once when he accidentally bumped into something that his another kid and she wasn't getting the non-verbal issue (its getting better).

We are at 2.5 so it sounds like this is a good age to start.
__________________
Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :
pcjs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2012, 09:39 PM   #23
MyM&W's Avatar
MyM&W
Registered Users
Formerly: maddiesmommy0503
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 6,461
My Mood:
Re: Yelling....how do you controll it?

I've been told that when we start yelling at our kids it will take a lot of child training to get them to listen, because once we start raising our voices, they stop listening to our normal tone, so we have to get louder, and loudER and LOUDER. I yell more then I like at my kids too...I feel horrible and I wish it was an easy fix...but I've trained them not to listen to me. o.O My hubby yells a lot too. Our 6yo is very spirited and is a very picky eater, which causes a lot of frustration, she also doesn't like to listen very much...until I start having a meltdown..its a vicious cycle. I'm thankful that my 2.5yo doesn't do most of the stuff my 6yo does, but hes watching her everyday now, and learning quickly so its only a matter of time. He's now afraid of the dark because she is...argh. Wish I had some advice.

Does anyone have advice on how to get a 2.5 (3 in Aug) child to listen? Our biggest thing right now is that he thinks he can help himself to the pantry or fridge and eat food whenever he wants, and then he doesn't want to eat his meals. Drives hubby and I crazy. Everyday I'm saying "Wyatt, do not get in that fridge/pantry" He continues to push a chair across the room or roam through the fridge...we always punish him if he doesn't listen, he ends up freaking out and crying, then proceeds to do what I told him not to do...and I repeat, then he will stop, but starts doing it again the next day or a few hours later! AHH.
__________________
Thank my Motorola Electrify for any random words.
Ashley,wife to ChrisMama to Madison(7)Wyatt(4) and Natalie born June 18th 2013! and our little bean who's back with God

Last edited by MyM&W; 05-16-2012 at 09:44 PM.
MyM&W is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-2012, 05:12 AM   #24
mrseum's Avatar
mrseum
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,811
My Mood:
Be consistent with punishments...ds1 will do the same darned thing 5 times in a row, ECM with timeouts! :bang head: he doesnt make parenting
Easy in the least. If I'm more consistent and try hard to use a nice voice
Sometimes he'll listen. Yesterday dh ruled him the "1 hour son" good for 1 hr then it hits the fan! Haha!! He's super smart, but I feel like something else is going on... Idk... He's scheduled for an eval. I need to know how "normal" this is.
__________________
mama to three sweet, rough & tumble boys who always keep me on my feet:
I-4.28.09
C-4.25.11
E-2.1.14
mrseum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-2012, 05:16 AM   #25
mrseum's Avatar
mrseum
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,811
My Mood:
Also- put a fridge lock on and childproof the pantry. I makes
It simple- you are no longer the bad guy. I also let ds1 pick 1 treat a day usually he picks a fruit purée Popsicle
First thing in he am. It's hit or
Miss when I explain to him later in the day why he cant have another treat; because he already picked one. I admit, sometimes he'll get
Another... Which I know is why he melts down- we aren't consistent enough. :bang head:
__________________
mama to three sweet, rough & tumble boys who always keep me on my feet:
I-4.28.09
C-4.25.11
E-2.1.14
mrseum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-2012, 09:00 AM   #26
BNC's Avatar
BNC
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 19,504
Re: Yelling....how do you controll it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyM&W View Post
I've been told that when we start yelling at our kids it will take a lot of child training to get them to listen, because once we start raising our voices, they stop listening to our normal tone, so we have to get louder, and loudER and LOUDER. I yell more then I like at my kids too...I feel horrible and I wish it was an easy fix...but I've trained them not to listen to me. o.O My hubby yells a lot too. Our 6yo is very spirited and is a very picky eater, which causes a lot of frustration, she also doesn't like to listen very much...until I start having a meltdown..its a vicious cycle. I'm thankful that my 2.5yo doesn't do most of the stuff my 6yo does, but hes watching her everyday now, and learning quickly so its only a matter of time. He's now afraid of the dark because she is...argh. Wish I had some advice.

Does anyone have advice on how to get a 2.5 (3 in Aug) child to listen? Our biggest thing right now is that he thinks he can help himself to the pantry or fridge and eat food whenever he wants, and then he doesn't want to eat his meals. Drives hubby and I crazy. Everyday I'm saying "Wyatt, do not get in that fridge/pantry" He continues to push a chair across the room or roam through the fridge...we always punish him if he doesn't listen, he ends up freaking out and crying, then proceeds to do what I told him not to do...and I repeat, then he will stop, but starts doing it again the next day or a few hours later! AHH.
If I knew the answer to getting a 2.5 year old to listen, I would have to yell at miine, lol!
__________________
Jen -momma to MaryKate 12/13/07, Kara 7/22/09, Adalane "Laney" 2/9/11, ^angel^ 10/13, & Jacob 8/21/14

Search with SwagBucks & earn gift cards!
ADORABLE WINTER HATS FSOT!
BNC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-2012, 09:51 AM   #27
Fairycat
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 5,288
My Mood:
Re: Yelling....how do you controll it?

I am naturally a yeller, but something I heard a while back and have been using over all pretty well ( most of the time ) is fight every instict to raise your voice, and instead, go quieter. I drop to DS's level then in a very soft voice I talk to him. I find when I yell, especially when he's running away, he tunes me out, but when I talk softly, he seems to know I mean business. Now my quiet voice, is stern and serious, and often filled with me being a bit frustrated, but it sure seems to work here.
Fairycat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-2012, 10:49 AM   #28
BNC's Avatar
BNC
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 19,504
Re: Yelling....how do you controll it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by pcjs View Post
I did super nanny style for two nights and gave up. I spent hours each night and it was giving him the attention he wanted so it was useless so now we just put him in his room, he does what ever, and just goes to sleep (with a baby gate). Thanks for sharing it took a month. I probably need to stick with it more though the baby gate works just as well.

We don't have the hitting/kicking yet... just the tantrums and jumping.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does't force apologies. I figure when my son is more verbal we will push the issue but he's not getting it. His teacher tried to push it once when he accidentally bumped into something that his another kid and she wasn't getting the non-verbal issue (its getting better).

We are at 2.5 so it sounds like this is a good age to start.
We did super nany for bed time too (with kara, kate never needed it) and it took about 3 nights to work. Took about 30 minutes each night. Now bedtimes are a BREEZE. we lay them down (kate and kara share a room), say goodnight, sing a song and walk out. 15 minutes tops from getting pjs on, teeth, potty, and into bed.

There should be a super nanny for mom's! I need one, lol!
__________________
Jen -momma to MaryKate 12/13/07, Kara 7/22/09, Adalane "Laney" 2/9/11, ^angel^ 10/13, & Jacob 8/21/14

Search with SwagBucks & earn gift cards!
ADORABLE WINTER HATS FSOT!
BNC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-17-2012, 12:50 PM   #29
steph410's Avatar
steph410
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 6,096
My Mood:
Re: Yelling....how do you controll it?

the ways I have tried to keep my anger with my kids under control have been:

to talk about it with my husband, to be on the same page with him, and to know that we are both working on staying calm with the children. discussing why it's important to have calmness when they are testing us has helped me so much.

to pray about it daily, especially right when i wake up in the morning.

good luck. i grew up with a parent who yelled constantly and it was so unhealthy. children can be deeply harmed with words.
__________________
Catholic mom to five wonderful little boys- we welcomed our newest baby on 4/6/13
steph410 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright © 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.