Interesting article about helicopter parenting

[ulawolf]

psychcentral.com/news/2012/07/06/many-helicopter-moms-prone-to-crash-and-burn/41243.html

Thoughts?

[mcpforever]

Assuming that there were controls there for special needs (because that is more challenging and intensive than parenting a NT child), it makes sense. It's like any profession though.(teacher, firefighter, soldier, musician) If you get so intensely involved in it to the point of neglecting yourself, you are going to suffer.

It's just another way to describe the mommy martyr syndrome.

[ulawolf]

Originally Posted by mcpforever Assuming that there were controls there for special needs (because that is more challenging and intensive than parenting a NT child), it makes sense. It's like any profession though.(teacher, firefighter, soldier, musician) If you get so intensely involved in it to the point of neglecting yourself, you are going to suffer. It's just another way to describe the mommy martyr syndrome.

I agree. I think most moms go through a period of neglecting themselves to revolve around kids. What i find interesting is the moms who are still helecopter(for lack of better word) with their older teens. I am pretty hands on when my kids are little but by their mid teens i am much more about allowing them to make decisions good and bad within a set of boundaries.

[pcjs]

The problem with that article is it focused the depression on being a mom/parenting. Who knows if they took into account family history of depression or history of depression/lifestyle before being a parent. I also think it was a bit over the top in how it was written (like many articles to prove their point).

I think there is a balance between free-range and helicopter mom. I am probably more on the helicopter as was my mom. I only see the benefits of having active and involved parents vs. being relaxed and letting kids basically raise themselves. Kids need guidance, approval and structure and to me that is part of parenting. I could see how it could lead to depression, but also lifestyle, diet, financial stressors and lots of other things could impact mental health as well as parenting. The statements were way to broad for me. Reality is at one point or another in a person's life, its pretty common to have some type of mild situational depression.

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by pcjs The problem with that article is it focused the depression on being a mom/parenting. Who knows if they took into account family history of depression or history of depression/lifestyle before being a parent. I also think it was a bit over the top in how it was written (like many articles to prove their point). I think there is a balance between free-range and helicopter mom. I am probably more on the helicopter as was my mom. I only see the benefits of having active and involved parents vs. being relaxed and letting kids basically raise themselves. Kids need guidance, approval and structure and to me that is part of parenting. I could see how it could lead to depression, but also lifestyle, diet, financial stressors and lots of other things could impact mental health as well as parenting. The statements were way to broad for me. Reality is at one point or another in a person's life, its pretty common to have some type of mild situational depression.

I think this is where the link is made:

Twenty-three percent of the mothers had symptoms of depression. Negative mental health outcomes were accounted for by women’s endorsement of intensive parenting attitudes.

I'd like to read the actual study though.

[H's mom]

I guess I don't understand the study, it seems kinda leading to me because these are the questions they ask:

An online questionnaire measured to what extent mothers endorsed intensive parenting beliefs. These beliefs include: mothers are the most necessary and capable parent; parents’ happiness is derived primarily from their children; parents should always provide their children with stimulating activities that aid in their development; parenting is more difficult than working; a parent should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of the child.

To me, it's obvious that anyone who answers "yes" to these questions is going to be stressed. Most of the questions are worded so that a "yes" answer to helicopter parenting also falls under the definition of depression.

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by H's mom I guess I don't understand the study, it seems kinda leading to me because these are the questions they ask: To me, it's obvious that anyone who answers "yes" to these questions is going to be stressed. Most of the questions are worded so that a "yes" answer to helicopter parenting also falls under the definition of depression.

I don't understand your point. Could you explain a different way to word answers that don't sound stressful yet still depict intensive parenting?

ETA: Helicopter parents that I know are DRIVEN to parent by this underlying need to do for their children. I would assume there is some sort of belief that drives them. Would it not make sense for it to come out in a survey?

[eahcapemay]

Links not working for me, but, I thought it was pretty well established that people who have kids are less happy than those with out and people who tie their self worth to their child achievements are even more depressed. (That sentence could use work, but ehh I don't care) All of the helicopter moms I know irl have a huge amount of their self esteem and self image tied up in their child's achievements. When ever you make someone else responsible for your happiness you are screwing your self over.

[JennTheMomma]

I cant read the article but it seems like from the responses that they define helicopter parenting different from what everyone I know does. Helicopter to me is hovering over your kids and not letting them explore independently, and free range is letting them be independent (which is different from letting them raise themselves). Helicopter parents that I know are stressed because they cant let go of control and just let there kids do stuff and test the waters. You can be active with your kids, be happy and not be a helicopter parent.

[z2akids]

Here is a clickable link to the article.

What I took from the article is that the definition of intensive parenting is very different than what I would call helicopter v. freerange parenting. The article seems to define intensive parenting as women who -

always sacrifice their needs in favor of their chidlren's
believe they are the essential parent
hover
use lots of expert opinion/advice
promote their children's successes as proof of their worth
etc.

I think it might have some aspects of helicoptering, but it goes way beyond that. Absolutely I believe that I am an essential part of my children's growth and development. However, I also believe that my DH is just as important. I see lots of DS moms who post about how they are the ones who are completely in charge of their children's care, etc. and that their DH's just do what they tell them because they are the ones who are doing the research, etc. This is the sort of thing that I think this article is talking about.

I consider myself to be a very involved parent, but I do not helicopter and I do not research every decision to death, ask the doctor for parenting advice or leave my DH out of decision-making. I think that parenting has stressful moments, but overall, I would consider myself to be a very happy parent and do attribute some of that to the way that DH and I raise our kids.