Not what I expected

[dinoralopez]

It has been three and a half months since I gave birth. But I still think about my birth story. I was in labor for 24 hours without any pain medication. I stalled at 5cm, but i stuck through it. When I was 8cm dilated, 100% effaced, my sons heart rate went up really high so they said they were going to give me oxygen. When I finally gave birth to him, I was so excited for his father to cut the cord. But when I looked at him, his face was purple, he looked so scared. Is it selfish of me to hold that against him? I also wanted to cloth diaper from the day he was born, but the nurses did not let me! Next time I am definitely having a home birth, no matter what anyone says.

[TinaDeanette]

Originally Posted by dinoralopez It has been three and a half months since I gave birth. But I still think about my birth story. I was in labor for 24 hours without any pain medication. I stalled at 5cm, but i stuck through it. When I was 8cm dilated, 100% effaced, my sons heart rate went up really high so they said they were going to give me oxygen. When I finally gave birth to him, I was so excited for his father to cut the cord. But when I looked at him, his face was purple, he looked so scared. Is it selfish of me to hold that against him? I also wanted to cloth diaper from the day he was born, but the nurses did not let me! Next time I am definitely having a home birth, no matter what anyone says.

I do think it's kinda selfish! But you will get over it soon! Promise.

[nonipie]

Yes a little. Everyone processes things differently. My DH has never cut a cord and has been upfront every time that he has no desire to do so. Doesn't mean he loves his children any less or that he was not involved in the process. I really think it's important to focus on the big picture and not spend time being consumed with things that in the end are not that important. What is important to you may not be important to him and that is okay. As much as the birthing experience is about you, it's a good thing to allow your partner to experience it in the way he needs to as well. It's the birth of his child and watching his partner go through a life changing event that he can't truly help with. It's stressful for them too. I would cut him some slack and try to move on. Even if you had a home birth next time, there will be things outside of your control and things he will do that are not exactly as you want them.

[Nerissa]

Yeah a little, I would let it go. Not everyone has the same desires/wishes when it comes to child birth.

My DH had no desire to cut the cord nor even get anywhere near the birth. Meaning he stayed at my head with his eyes no lower than my chin. He doesn't handle that kinda stuff well at all. It was way more important to me for him to remain stading and not pass out than cut the cord. He didn't even make it to DS2 birth and really both of us were just fine with that.

[Done at 3]

Originally Posted by Nerissa Yeah a little, I would let it go. Not everyone has the same desires/wishes when it comes to child birth. My DH had no desire to cut the cord nor even get anywhere near the birth. Meaning he stayed at my head with his eyes no lower than my chin. He doesn't handle that kinda stuff well at all. It was way more important to me for him to remain stading and not pass out than cut the cord. He didn't even make it to DS2 birth and really both of us were just fine with that.

Same experience here. The docs were even pressuring him to do it, I knew he had NO desire to, I said, "he said he doesn't want to do it! Can we please move on" he was relieved!

It is the first of many encounters you will come across while parenting together, you'll need to learn to let your partner be the parent they are, or you will be setting yourself up for a lot of conflict and undermining.

Try and enjoy the beautiful baby that came from that day and let the details go. In the end it's not important.

[melyndie]

My DH cut the cord for our first because it was the thing to do, but he asked not to do it for our second. He said cutting DD's cord was kind of disturbing--he said it requires hacking several times with scissors through a thick piece of human flesh. And that's true! He felt no special bonding for having cut it the first time so opted out this time. Instead he was seated behind me in our birth tub, holding me while I pushed. That was more significant to both of us.

I have heard of men fainting at birth or throwing up. Sure, it isn't "manly" but they can't help it. So if your husband felt squeamish or timid about cutting the cord, I wouldn't bring it up and just let it go. If he is a good husband and dad now, that is what counts!