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Old 05-20-2012, 08:31 PM   #11
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Re: Mourning a different type of loss...

Mama, please know that it is perfectly okay to be mad, upset, and scared. This was a horrible thing that happened and it is not fair. It sucks. You are now dealing with infertility and you shouldn't have to be. I hate this for you because it does take the spotlight as you are dealing with all of the issues from it and you are missing out on a lot that your daughter is doing. Mourning the loss of fertility is not something most understand and it is very hard to explain that to friend and family and I think that makes you feel very alone. Please know that we are here for you. I am here for you. I do suggest seeing someone for counseling and if you don't click with that first someone see someone else. You need to talk about it as much as possible and own your feelings. It does help, it does not take away the hurt, but it does help it.

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Old 05-20-2012, 09:31 PM   #12
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I am so sorry. You were brave for typing that all out. What a terrible/scary birth on top of all that too!
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Old 05-20-2012, 09:39 PM   #13
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Re: Mourning a different type of loss...

I am so sorry for all you went through.
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Old 05-20-2012, 11:44 PM   #14
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Re: Mourning a different type of loss...

Great supportive posts, so I don't have anything to add except that I'm sorry you went and are going through this.
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Old 05-21-2012, 07:15 AM   #15
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Re: Mourning a different type of loss...

I couldn't read and not offer hugs!
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Old 05-21-2012, 09:42 AM   #16
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Re: Mourning a different type of loss...

Thank you so, so very much mamas. I will look into therapy, and other ways of dealing with all of it. I do feel very alone, only my close friends and family are aware of what happened, so it's hard to talk about. And furthermore, I feel like no one gets it. When I do attempt to bring it up, I always get responses like, "Well, you are lucky you have two beautiful children!" Which, yes, I am... but I'm also left feeling so empty. Maybe they just don't know what to say? So I guess that's where the guilt comes in. Instead of getting the catharsis I need, I end up feeling guilty that I even *think* about how sad it makes me, when I already have two children.
I try to look at the "positive" things... I don't have to worry about menstruation, cramping, etc... Perhaps I just need to focus on channeling this energy into something good. It still sucks, though.
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Old 05-21-2012, 10:03 AM   #17
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Re: Mourning a different type of loss...

What a terrible experience for you to have to endure. I'm so sorry for the loss of your fertility.
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Old 05-21-2012, 10:18 AM   #18
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Re: Mourning a different type of loss...

It is a very tragic story and I hope, eventually, it will have a happy ending. Yes, there are positives and absolutely its wonderful that you have your two beautiful children...but something has been taken from you. It is a grievous loss. I hope you are able to find someone qualified to help you work through it. I am sure it will take a lot of time and patience with yourself. Good luck to you and many many hugs!
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Old 05-21-2012, 07:45 PM   #19
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I also second the gestational surrogate. Heck I'd even offer my own womb for you! Ss the dr did that.
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Old 05-21-2012, 07:58 PM   #20
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Re: Mourning a different type of loss...

That is so sad. I a so sorry you went through that I can tell you that your feelings are totally normal. From my experience when births don't go the way you hope or expect it is very hard to deal with an accept. I ha what amounts to a very minor complication compared -my ds was unexpectedly very sick at birth-to what you went through and it was an entire year before I could talk about it without crying. Seriously- and yes he is fine now-was fine even after just a couple weeks in the hospital- but still I could not talk about it. Also even though people who point out that you have 2 healthy kids may seem insensitive, they probably just don't know what else to say. Alot of times people say things just to say something ykwim. My sister died suddenly a couple of years ago and I would get really annoyed by what people would say until I realized this. Again I am so so sorry this happened to you.
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