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Old 05-23-2012, 05:37 PM   #11
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Re: I'm furious.

I would start with the bus driver. I would ask the bus driver tomorrow mornign what happened. Just because a 5 year old says that an adult got on the bus and yelled at her does not necessarily mean that this is exactly what happened. I have had 3 kids and love them all very much, but their version of events isn't always particularly accurate. So, I would start with the bus driver. I would ask her what happened and I would ask that she separate the girls on the bus for the time being.

I would then make an effort to get into school and talk directly with the teacher. Make an appointment if it is necessary. Ask her what happened and what her impression is of the relationship between the girls.

It is crazy how much drama there is with 5 and 6 year old girls. My daughter is 7 and she does a pretty good job of staying out of it, but the day to day who is speaking with whom and who is friends with whom is crazy. Earlier this year we had an incident with my daughter and one of her good friends. One day they were crazy angry with each other and it escalated to the point where I asked the bus driver to separate them for a few days. Only a couple of days later my daughter asked hers to be one of only a couple invited to sleep over for my daughter's birthday. Little girl drama comes and goes quickly.

Do you know this other girl's mom? Can you speak to her? If you know her well enough to hold a reasonable conversation with her, I would consider having a conversation with her.

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Old 05-23-2012, 05:38 PM   #12
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Re: I'm furious.

I don't know if this has been mentioned yet.

but before you go talking to the principal, I would talk to the bus driver and make sure that a mom got on the bus yelling.
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Old 05-23-2012, 05:57 PM   #13
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I don't know if this has been mentioned yet.

but before you go talking to the principal, I would talk to the bus driver and make sure that a mom got on the bus yelling.
I agree. It is so important yo find out what both sides are. Obviously this mom was upset at your daughter kicking her daughter. And I'm sure the little girl is giving hey mom a poor me story, just like your daughter is giving you. The truth is somewhere in between.

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Old 05-23-2012, 06:00 PM   #14
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Re: I'm furious.

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Originally Posted by Aimers1 View Post
Eventually, they got so out of control that they smeared peanut butter on him on the bus, knowing that his sister was severely allergic to peanuts.
And this kind of stuff is one of the reason we have decided that my peanut allergic daughter will not ride the bus. I am lucky that I will be able to take and pick her up from school everyday.

OP I think you have a good plan. When I was a preschool teacher I had a parent try to "talk" to another kid too. I would not let it happen. Like the other poster- I know the kid in question was innocent. The victim was knocked down, but not by the kid she told her father knocked her down. And it was actually an accident- witnessed by another teacher. They didn't tell the parent because it wasn't a big deal. The teacher told him what happened and he was still angry and thought something else should be done.
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Old 05-23-2012, 06:54 PM   #15
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Re: I'm furious.

So sorry you have to deal with this . FWIW, I would be totally furious too, and I would make it VERY clear that NO ONE yells at my child!! I'm usually a very calm and understanding person, but my kids are one thing that I'm willing to lose my cool over, if needed.

When I was was in 3rd grade, our elementary school had a program that took the kids to the skating rink next door once a week after school. Well, my best friend was a boy, and he sort of had a little crush on me (as much as 3rd graders can crush, lol). There was another girl who liked him, but he didn't like her back. One day at the skating rink, this girl's mother pulled that boy and me aside, and TOTALLY unloaded on us. She cussed us out, she wanted to know why he liked me and not her little "J", blah, blah, blah. WAAYYYYY out of line! I was pretty shaken up when I got home, and my mom could tell something was wrong. When she finally got it out of me, she just about exploded. She made my brother and I go outside on the porch while she called this woman (she clearly didn't want us to hear what she had to say, and my mom is normally a lady and doesn't ever use "choice" words, but again, when it came to her kids....). The next few times that we went skating, my uncle came out and stood by to watch the whole time. He is one of the biggest, most built men that I know, and it was obvious that he was there for me. She never so much as looked at me again that year. She and her daughter have pretty much hated me ever since, but it was definitely no big loss to me.

I look at it this way: while I do think it is important to always show a good example to your kids, and everyone else, for that matter, I also know that your kids have no one else who is going to go to bat for them like you will. The more something can be resolved peacefully and calmly, the better...but make sure you are clear on what you mean, and that it WILL not happen again. Good luck, mama!
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Old 05-23-2012, 07:39 PM   #16
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Re: I'm furious.

I would also be livid! If someone has a problem with my child they need to come to me or another adult (teacher, principal, etc) to handle it, NOT my child.

There is only one exception and I recently posted this is another thread, but its relevant here too. My 6 yr old son was at baseball practice and another child took Nick's hat off his head and put it on top of his own hat. When Nick reached over to take it back, the kid started punching Nick. Nick just kept blocking the swings and reaching for his hat. The coach was distracted by other kids and the parents were too busy chatting to pay attention to how their kids were behaving. I ran over and said "give him his hat back right now and don't you ever touch him again" in a stern and loud voice. I never did figure out which parent went with that child, though another parent checked with me to make sure her son was not involved.

Sometimes you have to get involved to protect your kid. In my case, it was happening in plain sight and right in front of my eyes and several witnesses. If one of my kids were the attacker I would be fine with another parent telling him to stop. In your situation, there was no immediate threat to either of the girls that justified that woman getting on the bus to bully your child.

I would begin the discussion like "I am well aware that there is another side to this story and that the truth may be more than I have heard, so I would like to hear why Mrs. Jones felt justified in approaching my daughter on the bus before approaching the bus driver, their teacher, myself or even come here to meet with you (principal.)" Then I would take issue with adults being allowed on the bus to confront children.

Obviously any of our kids could do something we do not believe is in their character, but if someone told me Nicholas was physical with their child, I would have a really hard time believing it and want some sort of verification that it actually occurred. However, if Jack or Brooke were accused of shoving, I would be more open to believing it. They are 3 & 4 and we are working on maturity in this area.

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Originally Posted by MyBelgianAzzy View Post
I'd get the bus driver's take as well, and also would demand to know WHY a mother was allowed on the bus in the first place to address my child!! I'd be going after the bus driver for NOT calling the school and reporting the incident after I got done with the out-of-line mom.

Also, I'm sure you've thought of this, but I would NOT share your concern that your daughter may benefit from counseling with the other mom. No need to load her up with ammo to claim her child was faultless and your daughter was at fault, unless that is genuinely the case (and even so, her actions were out of line!). You already know the mom doesn't think/behave rationally.
Totally agree with talking to the bus driver. My kids are walkers, but aren't there cameras on most, if not all, buses. It shouldn't be hard to verify your daughters version of events.

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It's a good idea to try to nip this in the bud before it gets out of control. A rational discussion in a neutral place like the principal's office is a good idea. I agree with a PP about not mentioning counseling to the other mother. If you think J needs it, then by all means, but it's none of her business. I hears a story at work about a boy who got bullied on the bus incessantly. Nothing was done to reprimand the kids. Eventually, they got so out of control that they smeared peanut butter on him on the bus, knowing that his sister was severely allergic to peanuts. He fought back against these kids and got suspended for hitting one of them. The bullies got no punishment. Last I heard, the mom was suing the school district. These kids were 9 or 10, but it's easy to see how these situations get out of control. The kids get away with things and then escalate. And of course the parents of the bullies think that their kids can do no wrong. I know that J is not a bully, and I hope that you can get this resolved before it gets worse.
That is HORRIBLE!
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:42 PM   #17
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Re: I'm furious.

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, you know? So, I asked WHY this is happening. Apparently, the little girl, E, is being just as mean and nasty to her. J is very easily hurt by others who tend to think they are 'better' or 'prettier' than her, when they exclude her from things, and tell her they aren't her friend. These girls are 5, so I am sure I am missing the WHOLE story. [Quite frankly, as her mom, I can't imagine she kicked the little girl to just be mean. That's NOT her nature. SOMETHING pushed her to do that.]
THEN J tells me that E's mother got on the bus this morning YELLING at her. Ok. WHAT?!? NO ONE IS YELLING AT MY CHILD. Not even I do things like that. I am furious about THIS more than anything.

Tomorrow, I won't be letting J ride the bus to school. I'm taking her, and speaking to her principal and telling him about what E's mother did. I will be asking to have a meeting to have him explain to her that she can't climb aboard the bus yelling at another student, no matter what she did to her child. She should have called the school. Second, I want to know the other side of the story, and would appreciate if the principal arranged a meeting for me and E's mother to sit with both girls to find out what is going on.
I think this is fairly reasonable.

On the other hand, I want to go punch this lady in the face for doing that to my child. But, I won't. That's wrong.

And, I am going to be talking to J's pediatrician as well about getting her evaluated and into some form of counseling. This isn't the first time I've heard about her doing something like this, but the other time she was being picked on as well.

Things like this make me wish I could home school her.
Ok, first of all.......

I do not think you need to get her evaluated or in counseling. I think you and her can figure this out together. I completely understand being upset/disappointed with her, but it sounds like she had good reason. I think if you sat with her and asked her what was going on, not b/c she was in trouble and wasn't going to, but to have a better idea.

I would def be taking to the bus driver to find out exactly what happened and what the mother said to her. There isn't any way he/she wouldn't have heard what she said.

I do think a meeting with the principle is a good idea and with the other mother and child as well. But, it would be good to get as much info about what has been going on from your dd first.
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:47 PM   #18
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Re: I'm furious.

I just read the other responses and yes, def. talk to the bus driver to find out exactly what happened on the bus.

Geez....I should feel lucky. DD1 is 8 and hasn't had any drama with school. She has had the best 2 classes of kids the last 2 years and her K class was great also. No drama in DD2's K class this year either.
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Old 05-23-2012, 09:02 PM   #19
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Re: I'm furious.

why is being a parent so hard?
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Old 05-24-2012, 03:38 AM   #20
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I had a long talk with DD last night. She told me her side: the "kick" was her doing a flip and she collided with the other girl. This is according to a 5 year old. She did admit to calling her "smelly" after asking E to stop messing with her umbrella 3 times. Does that justify it? Of course not.
Does it mean that someone is intentionally being mean to her? Not really, but I think I would be hurt if someone told me I couldn't play with them but everyone else can. I just told her to tell them "that's fine. I can go play with someone else."
As far as name calling? We talked about what she should do instead. Ask nicely the first time. Be a little "stern" the second time. There shouldn't be a third time, but if the person bugging her leaves her alone, tell an adult/teacher or on the bus she has to tell a patrol. I'll be reinforcing it this morning with her.

I'm talking to the bus driver this morning. I'm going to ask what the lady said and why she was allowed on the bus. I hope he explained to her that was unacceptable.
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