Peoples opinions of large families

[mamashhon]

As a mama to three boys, my family feels "big". I had one brother growing up and my parents acted like they were overwhelmed by two kids. When we got pregnant with our third, my dad was shocked. When I casually mentioned "at least one more" on facebook (when asked, and seriously... who asks someone with one or two kids if they're having more? wth ) my dad commented "YOU'RE HAVING MORE?!"

I don't get it. What's with the negative comments about large families? Why does everyone assume I'm on welfare? I think we will end up with 5, but who really knows. I love my kids and the joy they bring to my life. DH already wants more and we just had a baby in January.

And of course, as a mama to three BOYS, things get wild, but when it's appropriate. Today we were at the bookstore. My kids are very well-behaved. I had 3mo DS3 in a sling, and my two 4 & 6 were walking. I needed to change the baby so we all piled in the girls bathroom, it was a single one person bathroom. I changed the baby, DS1 went potty, DS2 played with the hand dryer and was shrieking with excitement as it blew his hair back at hurricane force as he stuck his head under it. The baby cried that I disrupted him to change him. I knew it was a bit noisy (really... any noisier than the hand dryer?) and of course we took like 5 or so minutes to get everyone situated. When we opened the door, there were like 5 people standing outside giving me the dirtiest look. Um, I don't get it. If you don't want to wait, go to the other bathroom... we're in the mall! It would have taken me that long to change a baby anyway. The boys were actually waiting on me to finish up, so it's not like we were taking a ridiculous amount of time.

I was kind of embarrassed for a second as everyone glared at me. As I walked away I heard one of the ladies say "geeze, have another."



What the heck is wrong with people! I would never say that to anyone!

[triplomom]

That's just awful that some people can be so rude. I wonder, though, if it has anything to do with where you're located.

My four kids (2.5 yo DD#1 and 14-month-old BGG triplets) tend to be a bit of a freak show, especially when we roll them around in a quad stroller. We usually get positive comments, though. Unfortunately, I've had some hurtful comments from family members who may or may not have meant any harm.

I guess, if you're going to have a lot of kids, it's just necessary to develop a thick skin. Otherwise, you'll never be able to get over people's ignorant comments.

[thoennes6]

We get comments like "you should have another" in his most sarcastic voice from m bil all the time. My 4 are well behaved most of the time. My bil has 2 ( a almost 2 yo and a 5 mo) and he says that he barely has enough love for the 2 he has. That is soooooo sad to me. I would have atleast 1 more, if it were just up to me, but dh says we are done and he went and had a V. When I talk to dh about what my bil says his only comment is if any of our kids had behaved like his we wouldn't have had anymore either.
People are rude sometimes. For the most part we get positive comments. When I get the comment that I have my hands full I respond with better full then empty or I wouldn't have it anyother way.

[812ajack]

I can't believe someone commented that with you only having 3 kids. My family has been we'll say less then supportive about our big family. In fact with the last one I didn't even tell anyone til I was so big I had to (cause it was pretty obvious) My kids have occational problems but I don't care if you hvae 1 child or 5 no one is perfect. For the most part my kids do great. They all have done great in school and have had no issues (except for our recent hair cutting incident I have another forum about lol)I take them all out to eat by myself, to the park, the store cause my DH works a lot so if I waited for him we'd never leave the house lol. Everytime I go though I usually get pretty positivecomments about how beautiful my kids are and how well behaved they are and that they think its great we have such a big family.
I've seen a single person take 15 min in the bathroom so I wouldn't worry about that at all. I know what you mean when you say everyone assumes you're on welfare though. When I do take the kids grocery shopping and go to pay its like everyone has a look of shock that I'm paying with cash and not a food stamp card. We get the "you do know how that happens" comments a lot when people see I'm pregnant. We're trying for one more and then we'll be done but to be honest I see my family so seldom I prob won't tell them this time til after I have the baby cause I'm so tired of them looking down on me cause they think I have too many kids. My sister has only 2 kids and has major behavioral issues with them so it's not the amount of kids you have other things can factor in as well.

I agree though you do tend to have to grow some thick skin and just let all the negative people's comments just fall off you. No one is helping me with my kids in any way except for me and DH so to me if we want to have 1 child or 20, its our business.

[Mamatoabunch]

Most people are kind to us, occasionally we get crazy comments and then some really off the wall stuff. I took to 10 into the store tonight after Mass. The checkout girl asked if they were all mine, I said well no I have another at home, we have 11. She asked how I did it, which I replied just like every other mama I get up and care for them every day, like every other mama. She said she was expecting her 4th and came from a family of 12 and 4 children is enough for her. That is the most common thing I hear.

[mamashhon]

I think because I'm kind of young (look younger than I am, DH as well) and have visible tattoos that people judge. They're not scary, they're my kids foot prints, a lily, their names, a dove. Anyway, I absolutely love the line "better full than empty". Since becoming preg with our third... EVERYONE tells me I have my hands full. Its so annoying, everywhere I go. I never know what to say. But honestly, this doesn't feel like work! People look at me like ohh man, I would never. But it's such an awesome blessing. I laughed so hard as my son stuck his head under the hand dryer, lol. All while they were standing outside grumpy.

[lisathib123]

It's pure ignorance.....I have pity on them

[missemily]

I came from a family of 2 and it's boring. Especially if the one other child is really really bad all the time.

[happelcrew]

Why does everyone frown on a large family with a food stamp card vs a small family? Or are all food stamp receipients looked down upon? It's always been a question on my mind.

[mamashhon]

Originally Posted by happelcrew Why does everyone frown on a large family with a food stamp card vs a small family? Or are all food stamp receipients looked down upon? It's always been a question on my mind.

IMO, I think people look down on large families more. I'm a lactation consultant at our local WIC office and I have a lot of Co workers who will say "why do they keep having kids if they can't afford to feed them?" It doesn't matter to me, to be honest. I try not to judge. You never know if someone was doing well, was laid off, disabled, lost a spouse, child with special needs... You just never know. And WIC offers counseling/breastfeeding support, I also teach childbirth classes there, but I think the public has the perception sometimes that its lazy people wanting free food.