School me on life with kids in day care!

[newtwinmom]

Originally Posted by escapethevillage It won't go well. It's probably not even allowed. If they are licensed, I don't think you can help out there without going through all the screening. You will not see a typical day if you are there, and you wont see their real behavior if you are there. You will be telling them "I don't think you can handle being in daycare, and you will miss me, terrible things will happen" Drop them off for the first half of the day, pick them up before nap, and be excited for them "Have fun!" "I love what you made for me!!!". Never drop them off without saying "have fun". By the way... nap is the hardest part of the day.

I know. I know . I just do not feel comfy leaving them with strangers who know nothing about them and are not the nicest most trustworthy people in the world and am not sure how to get over that. I know it's a part of parenting but they are still not 'normal' kids to me (bc of their start in life) and have so many (seems to me) special requirements to do well.

[Kimmyann]

I know its hard..Been there done that from both ends. But honestly, just take them and drop them off. Stay for 5 minutes..say your goodbyes and go have a good cry in the parking lot. Staying for a few days is setting up a bad pattern. I think it better to drop them off for short periods of time and increase the amount they stay there than for you to be hanging around.

[dancermommy1]

Originally Posted by newtwinmom I know. I know . I just do not feel comfy leaving them with strangers who know nothing about them and are not the nicest most trustworthy people in the world and am not sure how to get over that.

Okay mama. I'm reading a couple things in your posts and think you need to sit and meditate on your feelings (not trying to be all hippie-dippie on you, but I mean, really think about WHAT you are feeling)...

Are you feeling sad and scared because you don't want to miss their day? or do you truly not trust the daycare teachers, as your above post indicates?

If it is the first, that you are feeling sad and guilty and scared...that is so totally normal, mama, and you will be okay. The first day is the worst, then you realize that the kids will be fine, you will be fine, and you move on.

If it's the second (and only a real soul searching will tell you this), then it's time to reasses your situation and change it somehow so that you feel comfortable. If you truly dislike the teachers and the center, you will be unhappy and the kids will be unhappy, and no one wants that. Plus, you'll be dealing with illnesses, and if you don't trust the teachers or like them you'll be inclined to blame them (when it's not controllable by them).

If you can't find an affordable nanny, could you split a nanny with someone else who needs childcare? Could you find a smaller, inhome daycare by calling the LLL in your area or another mothering group and see whom they recommend? If you attend a church, ask the children's minister if he knows of a college student who has the flexibility to nanny during the day and go to school at night, or if he knows of a retired church member who may be willing to nanny for you, etc... Heck, even if you DON'T attend a church, you can still call the children's ministries at local churches, explain your situation, and they would most likely bend over backwards to help you.

What state are you in?

[momtojande]

Originally Posted by newtwinmom I am very worried about the sick days. We have never had a GI bug or RSV (were vacc'ed for half the season) and the boys typically do not handle being sick well at all. We have had a lot of the typical viruses though so I'm crossing my fingers for some immunity. It will certainly be a problem once i start working next spring. Neither my husband nor I will be able to leave work outside of dire emergencies secondary to the work we do. We have not made definite contingency plans for those situations yet.

Definitely need a backup plan. At our daycare (and I believe this is the norm), if a child runs a fever he can not return until fever-free for 24 hours. If a child throws up once they'll watch him, but a second time gets him sent home until he's been 24 hours without throwing up. Certain known infections (strep or something), they require them to be on antibiotics for 24 hours before returning. You can easily have a child run a fever Monday at 2:00, develop a sore throat by Tuesday morning, get into the doctor Tuesday afternoon and start antibiotics late Tuesday which rules out daycare on Wednesday -- so it's Thursday at the earliest before he can return.

And then what kept happening with me was, as soon as one kid was recovering, the other started coming down with it. Like I said, it was just the first year or 2 in daycare that this was a problem; by now they don't get sick often.

Originally Posted by llamabeans To the bold. I've never seen this turn out well. Usually the parent is more anxious than the child and the child feeds off this becoming more anxious than they would be if mom just hung out for 10 minutes and then left. what builds confidence in them is you saying "bye, mommy will be back to get you after lunch" (or whenever you will be back to get them) and then when you do come back, they see mom is right (building trust). You did come back. If dad is going to pick them up that day, let them know "dad will be picking you up after story time" If they are younger, still tell them this. "Mommy will back back."

Yep. DS did go through a brief period of anxiety, and I would sit down with him at circle time for 5 or 10 minutes before I left -- by then he was so interested in circle time he didn't mind me leaving. With DD, we had to get a very specific routine down or else she kept wanting to add 1 more hug endlessly -- we do 1 hug in her room, and then I leave the room and lean back over the half-door for 1 final hug. She knows exactly what to expect and it works for her.

[doodah]

Originally Posted by escapethevillage It won't go well. It's probably not even allowed. If they are licensed, I don't think you can help out there without going through all the screening. You will not see a typical day if you are there, and you wont see their real behavior if you are there. You will be telling them "I don't think you can handle being in daycare, and you will miss me, terrible things will happen" Drop them off for the first half of the day, pick them up before nap, and be excited for them "Have fun!" "I love what you made for me!!!". Never drop them off without saying "have fun". By the way... nap is the hardest part of the day.

STRONGLY agree. I am shocked that any daycare will be allowing you to stay for as much time as you are talking about OP. Have you discussed this plan and received approval for it?

In my experience, a little bit of time with mom there is fine but huge extended periods of times makes kids clingy and insecure (exactly what the parents are wanting to avoid) and does not start off the parent/provider relationship very well at all. I understand that parents want to be sure their child is in a safe place but most of the time, parents that want a lot of time at the daycare, are micromanaging and trying to instruct me on everything from how to wipe a baby to how to mix formula. I am a mom of three and have done daycare for five years, cared for kids for many more years.....this isnt my first rodeo My suggestion would be to make sure that you are there for the right reasons. If your options are limited OP and you have to make this situation work, you dont want to accidentally offend the teacher by coming into her classroom with the immediate impression that you dont trust her and that this daycare is not good enough for your kids.

[mibarra]

Originally Posted by doodah STRONGLY agree. I am shocked that any daycare will be allowing you to stay for as much time as you are talking about OP. Have you discussed this plan and received approval for it? In my experience, a little bit of time with mom there is fine but huge extended periods of times makes kids clingy and insecure (exactly what the parents are wanting to avoid) and does not start off the parent/provider relationship very well at all. I understand that parents want to be sure their child is in a safe place but most of the time, parents that want a lot of time at the daycare, are micromanaging and trying to instruct me on everything from how to wipe a baby to how to mix formula. I am a mom of three and have done daycare for five years, cared for kids for many more years.....this isnt my first rodeo My suggestion would be to make sure that you are there for the right reasons. If your options are limited OP and you have to make this situation work, you dont want to accidentally offend the teacher by coming into her classroom with the immediate impression that you dont trust her and that this daycare is not good enough for your kids.

At all 3 daycares I used, I spent 2-5 hours there with my children the 1st 2-3 days so they became familiar with the location and the routine. It has nothing to do with trust or it being not good enough. I wouldn't drop my young child off ANYWHERE they weren't familiar with strange people and just leave them. It's a matter of helping them feel comfortable in an unfamiliar situation, and understanding that mommy approves of this place and these people are friends. I never instructed the providers in anything, except communicating effectively with my hearing impaired daughter, merely followed along with the routine and was there primarily as a support for my child. Sorry if this offends any DCPs, but I know my children best. While I don't worry about DD1, and never stayed more than 15-30 min after her 1st daycare because she is super social and does fine, DD2 is a whole other story. I know for a fact if I just 'dump her and run', you will have a hysterical, inconsolable child who won't eat and will scream herself to exhaustion. So I do what I need to do to make her comfortable.

[doodah]

Originally Posted by mibarra At all 3 daycares I used, I spent 2-5 hours there with my children the 1st 2-3 days so they became familiar with the location and the routine. It has nothing to do with trust or it being not good enough. I wouldn't drop my young child off ANYWHERE they weren't familiar with strange people and just leave them. It's a matter of helping them feel comfortable in an unfamiliar situation, and understanding that mommy approves of this place and these people are friends. I never instructed the providers in anything, except communicating effectively with my hearing impaired daughter, merely followed along with the routine and was there primarily as a support for my child. Sorry if this offends any DCPs, but I know my children best. While I don't worry about DD1, and never stayed more than 15-30 min after her 1st daycare because she is super social and does fine, DD2 is a whole other story. I know for a fact if I just 'dump her and run', you will have a hysterical, inconsolable child who won't eat and will scream herself to exhaustion. So I do what I need to do to make her comfortable.

I think that the times you were talking about for a special needs child is understandable and not at all what the OP is talking about, plus you said that you made an effort to go with the routine and not be there to micromanage. The OP said herself that wanting the time at the daycare is not just about what the kids needs and that she does have a lot of personal hesitation about daycare as a whole. Nobody is faulting you personally for helping your hearing impaired daughter transition to daycare. But in my experience, an average child of average needs does not need a full week of daily stays which was what I was understanding that the OP was considering. This is just my opinion though. I am absolutely okay if we dont agree on this.