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Old 05-31-2012, 03:09 PM   #11
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Re: Do you think our society's overprotectiveness could do more harm than good?

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Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
Yes, I absolutely think that so many parents today are so over protective and I do think that's going to hurt us as a society, if it hasn't already.

The thing is, people learn by doing. Kids learn to be independent by being independent. A child cannot learn to cross the street by themselves until they start crossing the street by themselves. They cannot learn how to handle themselves at a party without mom until they are at a party without mom. They cannot learn how to pay their own bills until they pay their own bills. When we put off teaching kids how to do these things because they are "just kids" then we end up with adults who are still kids, because we haven't raised them to be adults.
I completely agree.
If I want my daughter to be an independent adult at 19, I can't wait until she's 16 to let her go to the mall by herself! It has to start sooner.

The one thing that can be a challenge is that, sure, although the kids used to be out playing and running around, they weren't really unsupervised. Every house had a mom at home who kept an eye on things. (my brother got caught *every* time he did something stupid!) I know that people still do that, but there just aren't as many of them out there.

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Old 05-31-2012, 03:17 PM   #12
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I often think that the new shootings are due to a growing sense of entitlement. They don't like things as they are, therefore they tantrum with guns.

Where does the sense of entitlement come from? I'm not sure lack of freedoms create violence in this regard. Unless you're saying that kids backlash on teachers who require more from them than their parents did.

I'm not really up on all the school violence. Perhaps it's not about that at all. But it seems like violence has always been related to people who are being self-serving. They didn't have what you have, so no one will have it. They didn't like what you did, so now they beat you up, etc, etc.

And the fact that it seems to have gotten worse is either a myth and it's just because our media is better at publicizing it. Or it's because our sense of entitlement on a selfish level has superceded our value on communities and treating others with respect.

In reality, violent crime has decreased over time. But the age seems to have decreased as well.
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Old 05-31-2012, 03:17 PM   #13
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Re: Do you think our society's overprotectiveness could do more harm than good?

Yup.

I am currently living in a town only 15 miles away from where I grew up. Strictly speaking the town I live in NOW is safer (less crime, less drug use) than the town I grew up in.

When I was growing up at 6, 7...I was walking around in the woods...just me and my brother who is 3 years younger and a few neighbor kids. We were tromping around in cricks, riding bikes all over our trailer court...we'd be gone from after breakfast till we got hungry again and then gone again until the street lamps came on. This was only 20-ish years ago, not quite a lifetime ago. When I was 12, 13 my friends and I rode our bikes all over town. We'd be gone all day. My friend's parents worked so they had no clue where we were, we didn't have cell phones or walkie talkies...we just showed up when we showed up.

We played outside without my mom standing their guarding us.

My kids play outside (in our unfenced back yard) alone (not the baby but the older 2) I feel 100% okay with this, it's never been an issue. I don't believe in mollycoddling my kids for their entire lives. They'll grow up fearful and stupid, won't know how to function without Mommy or Daddy telling them what to do and where to go.

It will for sure harm society, this generation of "Don't leave the yard. Don't leave Mommy's sight. Don't move an inch."

I'm raising 80s kids...play in the dirt, run around in the back yard alone, drink out of the hose.

I don't fear school shootings. I don't even really fear abductions (there have been a few attempts around an hour away, but I don't really believe they're 'real')
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Old 05-31-2012, 03:28 PM   #14
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Re: Do you think our society's overprotectiveness could do more harm than good?

I see it already. (as a society)

Have you seen that Pinterest picture that says "I'm not saying we should go out and kill all the stupid people, I'm saying we should remove the warning labels and let the problem sort it'self out".

I love that.

Yes, I think we have created a lot of young adults with no common sense, and self preservation. Sure, they can download an app with no problem, but they can't safely cross the street.

Last year, I was in Downtown Glendale. In a very low income area. There were Mothers with tons of little bitty kids (6 and under) who were walking home from or to the store... the kids were all running ahead or behind their moms along an extremely busy street...six and eight lanes of traffic, all moving at 45mph. These kids would run...but, instinctively stop at the entrance of a parking lot, look around, then run ahead til they got to the next entrance.

I swear my own 19 yr old can't do that. She certainly couldn't at six. But, these kids need to learn how to take care of themselves, or get hurt, or worse. Mom has a lot of kids, and they learn from each other, they learn common sense because it's expected and practiced. None of them are on a child leash. Why? Maybe the kids who need a child leash get left at home with Grandma... I don't know. But, there are dozens of preschool age kids navigating the city streets without difficulty because they aren't overprotected.

I'm not saying we should all let our kids run the city streets and hope they prove to me that they are smart enough to hold their own.
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Old 05-31-2012, 03:30 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady
Yes, I absolutely think that so many parents today are so over protective and I do think that's going to hurt us as a society, if it hasn't already.

The thing is, people learn by doing. Kids learn to be independent by being independent. A child cannot learn to cross the street by themselves until they start crossing the street by themselves. They cannot learn how to handle themselves at a party without mom until they are at a party without mom. They cannot learn how to pay their own bills until they pay their own bills. When we put off teaching kids how to do these things because they are "just kids" then we end up with adults who are still kids, because we haven't raised them to be adults.
I agree with this.

And yes, I think in the end too much over protectiveness can harm society. There was a news article recently about guy in a fraternity house when a fire started. Instead of calling 911 he called his mom to ask her what to do. Hello there's a fire! This was a great concrete example to me of how too much overbearing and over protectiveness can cause harm. When we do everything for our children or make all their decisions or protect them from every danger in the world, they will never learn critical life skills they will need when we are no longer around.
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Old 05-31-2012, 03:38 PM   #16
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Re: Do you think our society's overprotectiveness could do more harm than good?

Also.. I was asking at local import store if they were hiring and at what age did they hire.... The lady honestly told me "We try to hire seniors because the younger generations don't like to work hard, and are always complaining about workers rights".

I couldn't argue with that. It's true. Everybody wants more rights and special treatment for everything.
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Old 05-31-2012, 03:50 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by escapethevillage
I see it already. (as a society)

Have you seen that Pinterest picture that says "I'm not saying we should go out and kill all the stupid people, I'm saying we should remove the warning labels and let the problem sort it'self out".

I love that.
I repin'ed that one too
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Old 05-31-2012, 04:02 PM   #18
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I come from a family where my mom wa SUPER protective. Her idea is that when you're kid is an adolescent, watch them like they're a preschooler. (her words exactly!) yeah all that did was make problems for me growing up. I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING! As a result I rebelled. Badly. I wot go into the details but suffice to say, I found that type of parenting to be a detriment to not only me and my sanity, but to the relationship I have with my mom.
With my kids-apparently I've been pretty...laid back. When they were babies, I'd hand them over to people to hold, even of they were unsure (my step brother was terrified! I just told him babies were tough and walked away.) generally, if it's not dangerous-an I realize the definition of dangerous is different for different people-we just let them be. They'll learn. We put hot food on their plates and tell them it's hot. Usually they listen to us now. Theyll climb on chairs and well tell them to get down. Usually they'll listen, but sometimes not. If they don't we just say ht they're going to fall and that it's gonna hurt. Granted they're only 3 and 1, but I don't see our general outlook changing.
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Old 05-31-2012, 04:51 PM   #19
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Re: Do you think our society's overprotectiveness could do more harm than good?

Where I live (smallish town) we have had a rash of teen suicides lately.

We have 6 local High Schools. 2 are Catholic, 4 are public. There have been 6-8 teens 13-19 who have killed themselves here in the past 2 years. Every single one of them has gone to/or just graduated from the same high school. DH and I were discussing this recently, and while we agree that there MUST be some underlying mental health issue impacting here, it does seem that there MUST be a reason that all the kids have gone to the same school. Some kind of lack of coping ability with the kids there.

I went to that school myself, and can say from experience that its the school with the highest SES, the highest achieving kids, the most "involved" parents, the biggest issues with "cliques" and bullying etc. Basically, its a school of high achieving, high expectations kids, for the most part, the parents have micro managed their lives and stepped in to shelter them and "fix" their problems at every corner.

I personally wonder if the sheltering, and the fixing of the problems of kids in society today leads to kids who are then unable to be resilient when something happens that the parent CAN'T fix....like a boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with them?

So, in answer to the question, yes, I DO think that sheltering is going to or already is negatively effecting our society.
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Old 05-31-2012, 05:13 PM   #20
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Re: Do you think our society's overprotectiveness could do more harm than good?

Maybe I'm a bad or a mean mom...but at 7...I've stopped searching for/keeping track of/helping out with basic stuff with my son.

If he forgets his water bottle on the table before baseball...well he'll be awful thirsty once we get home. If it's really super hot and I'm genuinely worried about him getting seriously ill or dehydrated then I will let him take a drink of mine, but if he forgets he forgets. Same goes for his cleats...he's worn regular tennis shoes twice, he's had to wear ankle socks once or twice (that's fun when you need to slide!) and gone without his ball cap once. He learns, he'll figure it out. Enough times of being uncomfortable or in pain he'll figure it out.

I read an article about college students whose mothers call their cell phones each morning to ensure they're out of bed!

And judging by the number of times I've left black marks on the road because I had to slam on my brakes to avoid running over a 20 year old college kid in my town I know they're not smart enough to look both ways (I'm not a reckless driver, I abide by the speed limit and even drive below on residential streets but when a 19 year old just flat steps right out in the street 5 feet off my bumper there is very little I can do aside from slam on my brakes...). I don't know if they're not taught or if they're just lazy...

I just saw something like this today, I watched a rerun of 19 Kids and Counting and they had commentary from some Today show host who was a Duggar for a Day and he said something about "Most parents watch their kids like a hawk when they're outside" and I'm thinking "Say whaaa" If I had a hundred acres fenced in with a gate I'd throw my kids out of the house after breakfast and tell them I'll blow an air horn around 12 for lunch, don't come within 100 yards of the house unless someone is bloody.
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