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Old 01-07-2007, 12:17 PM   #1
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Horrible guilt trip.

I weaned my ds like 3 weeks ago... but he had only nursed for 3 weeks of his life. I felt horrible, but I have to go back to work and school which gives me an absolutely crazy schedule. I could pump at work, but school is different because I would have to ride the shuttle back to my car, or wait till I got home to pump (it's about 30 min away). I would have worked my classes around feeding times, but I didn't have a choice.
So now, I feel as horrible as ever feeding him the God-awful formula, and so I went and bought some Mother's Milk, and tried to start up again yesterday... I still have some drops left, so I know it's possible.

Am I just crazy for trying to bf again?? Well, the other thing is that when I fed him, my nipples weren't ready for it, and so it's extremely painful.
I need some help ladies.... I just don't know what I should do and it's breaking my heart to feed him formula--but I think that I will be stuck with it now.

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Old 01-07-2007, 12:27 PM   #2
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Re: Horrible guilt trip.

I am sorry that it didn't work out for you to BF, but stop kicking yourself, he will be fine on formula. I realize that lots of mamas don't agree with formula, and I personally prefer BF, but that is not always possible. I was unable to BF my first, but my second nursed for almost 2 yrs. When I started fostercare, I had no choice but to use formula. I have had babies thrive beautifully on formula. The little one we have right now that came home soooooo tiny that even preemie dipes and clothes were way too big for her has gained 2lbs in the less than 2 weeks that she has been with us and is outgrowing her preemie clothes, preemie dipes don't fit her at all, and she is wearing NB dipes/covers. I have some xs FB coming this week, at the rate she is growing she won't even fit into those. If it will be easier for you to FF your child, then let the guilt go and give him FF, he will be just fine!!!! I think that bottle fed babies can bond just as well as BF babies.
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Old 01-07-2007, 12:36 PM   #3
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Re: Horrible guilt trip.

I had bf my first son, and I see how well he is and everything... and I just worry that my littlest won't be as healthy and things like that. I was ff, and I am healthy. I know he'll probably be just fine, but it just breaks my heart to know that I am not giving him the best option.
Thanks for the support, it helps more than you may realize!
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Old 01-07-2007, 12:44 PM   #4
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Re: Horrible guilt trip.

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Originally Posted by stephig View Post
I had bf my first son, and I see how well he is and everything... and I just worry that my littlest won't be as healthy and things like that. I was ff, and I am healthy. I know he'll probably be just fine, but it just breaks my heart to know that I am not giving him the best option.
Thanks for the support, it helps more than you may realize!
And he did get some bm and some is better than none. He got all those great antibodies.
My ds was ff from 10-12mo becuase I couldn't take the mastitis anymore (I had chronic mastitis). I know the feeling you're having. I hated giving him formula. He had some formula in his first month when we were fighting jaundice, too but I pumped and froze all that.

You do what you can. You may get some supply back and be able to breast and formula feed. Do what your heart AND your schedule tell you to do.

You're loving your son....that's the most important part.
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Old 01-07-2007, 12:51 PM   #5
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Re: Horrible guilt trip.

That's what initially started me to wean so quickly, I had gotten mastitis. OUCH. I never had it before and it wiped me out emotionally, so I lost supply, and was becoming discouraged, so I thought that it was the time to stop.
I had planned on bf at LEAST until I went back to work/school.
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Old 01-07-2007, 01:06 PM   #6
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Re: Horrible guilt trip.

If you really want to try to relactate I would suggest going to a La Leche League meeting and getting a leader to help you. It can be done but it's not easy. I am so sorry you got mastitis! I have never had it but heard it's incredibly painful.

As an aside, why would you have to go out to your car to pump? That seems like an awful lot of extra hassle and employers are sometimes required to provide places for nursing employees to pump in privacy. (Not sure about the law even though we're both here in Texas.) Consider talking to your boss or someone in HR; maybe they can work out a private space for you to pump during the day.

Good luck whatever you decide!
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Old 01-07-2007, 01:27 PM   #7
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Re: Horrible guilt trip.

Hey Mama! Just wanted to throw out a couple of ideas. Breastfeeding doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing!! Many Moms find that hectic work schedules don't allow fulltime breastfeeding. Sometimes the cuddling and snuggling of a nighttime nursing can be a great way to reconnect with your little one. Plus he'll still be receiving some of the best benefits of breastmilk!

You said your nipples weren't ready and it was painful. Actually, your nipples don't need 'conditioning' really. It's more likely that baby wasn't getting a great latch. Maybe not getting enough aereola in his mouth, or sliding back down onto just the nipple. That can be very painfu. Latch is one of the most common breastfeeding difficulties in early breastfeeding! Mastitis on top of that is just a horrible thing to have to go through!! Do you have a Le Leche League group nearby? These are a great group of ladies to have for support and advice. Please don't think that LLL is an all-or-nothing group or that you will be criticized for supplementing. Although every group is different, I think you'd be surprised at how much support they can offer and how much they'll respect your desire to give your baby the best.

Lastly, you mentioned that you're still able to get some drops when pumping. Remember that a nursing baby stimulates the breast much more effectively than even the very best pump. Building your milk supply back up will be easiest by offering the breast to your baby every time it's physically possible for you to. When you're back into a little routine, you may find it very effective to nurse one side while pumping the other. Baby gets fed and you get a bottle for later!
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Old 01-07-2007, 01:44 PM   #8
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Re: Horrible guilt trip.

Quote:
Originally Posted by stephig View Post
I had bf my first son, and I see how well he is and everything... and I just worry that my littlest won't be as healthy and things like that. I was ff, and I am healthy. I know he'll probably be just fine, but it just breaks my heart to know that I am not giving him the best option.
Thanks for the support, it helps more than you may realize!
Funny, my oldest was way healthier than my youngest. My youngest had 17 ear infections before he was 15mths old, wear as my oldest didn't get an ear infection until he was 4 yrs old. I think you can only do what you can do, but that guilt will keep you from feeling that you have done your best!
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Old 01-07-2007, 01:45 PM   #9
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Re: Horrible guilt trip.

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Originally Posted by A'smommy View Post
If you really want to try to relactate I would suggest going to a La Leche League meeting and getting a leader to help you. It can be done but it's not easy. I am so sorry you got mastitis! I have never had it but heard it's incredibly painful.

As an aside, why would you have to go out to your car to pump? That seems like an awful lot of extra hassle and employers are sometimes required to provide places for nursing employees to pump in privacy. (Not sure about the law even though we're both here in Texas.) Consider talking to your boss or someone in HR; maybe they can work out a private space for you to pump during the day.

Good luck whatever you decide!
At work I wouldn't have to go to my car, only at school... because I don't know of a place where I can go to be alone! lol. I go to Texas State University, so there's quite a few students, and never anywhere besides a bathroom where I could be alone.
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