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Old 06-04-2012, 10:15 PM   #51
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Not true. If you live somewhere, as in have slept there a certain number of nights and have belongings there, you legally cannot just be thrown out. Check the laws in your area, obviously, but just because your name is on a lease and his isn't doesn't mean he has no rights.

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True, but she said in one of her posts that she gave notice on her apartment so that she could move in with him after the baby is born. Which tells me that he does not live there.

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Old 06-05-2012, 04:02 AM   #52
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

Something to keep in mind, if you wait to leave until you've had the baby, the baby will be a U.S. citizen and will need a passport to leave the country.

I don't know exact what happened but he has many signs of an abuser. He seems to be very controlling, not expressing doubts until it was too late for you to leave, refusing to leave and then saying if you didn't behave a certain way he'd call the police. I mean, what man wants to upset his pregnant partner (even if she's being unreasonable or hormonal or whatever), what man doesn't expect his partner to be upset when he says this sort of thing re: paternity and what man would even think of having his 9 months pregnant partner arrested? He's looking out for himself and you need to do the same as well as do what's best for the baby.

If it were me, I'd be on a plane home today. He can always go there and you can try to work things out, you can always come back here, etc. but if that baby is born here, I think you will be hard pressed to be able to leave with her without his permission and he seems like he would enjoy the control of not granting that permission.
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Old 06-05-2012, 12:36 PM   #53
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

where in virginia are you? So sorry that you're going through this! I'm glad you have a doula. I agree that the timing is a bit ridiculous.
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Old 06-05-2012, 12:43 PM   #54
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

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Something to keep in mind, if you wait to leave until you've had the baby, the baby will be a U.S. citizen and will need a passport to leave the country.

I don't know exact what happened but he has many signs of an abuser. He seems to be very controlling, not expressing doubts until it was too late for you to leave, refusing to leave and then saying if you didn't behave a certain way he'd call the police. I mean, what man wants to upset his pregnant partner (even if she's being unreasonable or hormonal or whatever), what man doesn't expect his partner to be upset when he says this sort of thing re: paternity and what man would even think of having his 9 months pregnant partner arrested? He's looking out for himself and you need to do the same as well as do what's best for the baby.

If it were me, I'd be on a plane home today. He can always go there and you can try to work things out, you can always come back here, etc. but if that baby is born here, I think you will be hard pressed to be able to leave with her without his permission and he seems like he would enjoy the control of not granting that permission.
I must hve missed this. You CANNOT LEAVE THE USA without the consent of the father it is international kidnapping and will result in criminal charges and or loss of custody of your baby.

It is not a joke. You cannot leave with his child without his permission.
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Old 06-05-2012, 12:47 PM   #55
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

Regarding leaving the country, if he denies her permissions, she can go to court and get approval that superceedes his denial.

It will be a process, but she can fight back to go home, she just needs to do it legally.
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Old 06-05-2012, 01:50 PM   #56
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

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so sorry you are being treated like this. as soon as the baby was born. i'd be on a flight to family....and i wouldn't put his name on the birth cert!
TOTALLY agree!!!
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Old 06-05-2012, 02:00 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by Serenajean1

I must hve missed this. You CANNOT LEAVE THE USA without the consent of the father it is international kidnapping and will result in criminal charges and or loss of custody of your baby.

It is not a joke. You cannot leave with his child without his permission.
I wonder does this fall into a grey area if the paternity is in question or "unknown"?

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Old 06-05-2012, 02:31 PM   #58
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I wonder does this fall into a grey area if the paternity is in question or "unknown"?

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I think it does. I don't want to go into the details but my sibling had a similar situation that makes me think with paternity unknown it's a grey area. Of course if he files the correct paperwork etc to determine paternity and keep her here that all goes out the window.
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Old 06-05-2012, 02:45 PM   #59
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

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I think it does. I don't want to go into the details but my sibling had a similar situation that makes me think with paternity unknown it's a grey area. Of course if he files the correct paperwork etc to determine paternity and keep her here that all goes out the window.


I don't know how to multi quote but this was my point, if she waits until the baby is born its going to need a passport and will be an American citizen. If she can get home before its born, the baby is not

I would never advocate cutting a father out but since he's got the signs of an abuser and it's likely to be a long, expensive process to go to court to try to be able to leave and she's here alone, I'd get on a plane and be done. She can always come back or he can go there but if the baby's born here, she's stuck.
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Old 06-05-2012, 02:56 PM   #60
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

And I would not breathe a word to anyone if you decide to leave. I'd tell him he can be there for delivery, not for you but to see the baby but that you need some space right now. I know it seems awful but he had no problem being deceitful to do what was best for him and now you need to do what's best for baby. If he really is abusive, I just woundn't chance it. They usually warn first time moms that they likely will go past their due date, I'd take my chances on the plane but only you know if this is just new parent jitters on his part, his family getting in his ear or who he really is. Sorry you have this stress during what she be a purely happy time.
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